Mine Again
by zajaacLulu
Summary: AU. Mark has been out of Addison's life for a long time. But everything changes when she has a phone call one day, finding out he was in a plane crash. And once again they both learn it's never really over until it is.
1. There's a place I used to go

**_Disclaimer: I do not dare thinking I_'m even close to being as good a storyteller as any writer of Grey_'s Anatomy is, but believe me, ______if I owned it______, some particular things would be handled a LOT better! Nor do___****___ I ___****___own the characters, lyrics to the song Mine Again or any of the dialogues previously featured on Private Practice, ___****___**___which I ___**___****___**___used in this chapter.___**___**

_A/N: Hey, so...here it is. My love for Maddison hasn't faded a bit :( (and it's not like I really tried to get rid of it) and since I realized I was really getting out of fics I could find about these two, I decided to write one myself again, to get my poor Maddison heart fixed._  
_Mark survives the days in the woods, but that doesn't mean anything. What happens when Addison has a phone call that he is actually on life support?_  
_This is the way I believe it should have gone. It won't be too nice or fluffy and I think it may even be kinda cruel at first, though certainly not as cruel as killing Mark off, having Sofia lose her father etc._  
_I don't believe you really remember, but chapters of my other fic Feel Again (title of the song by OneRepublic) were also named by various songs. The title of this whole fic is very similar, Mine Again, because well...I got an idea for it while listening to Mine Again by Black Lab, I just couldn't get over the Maddison association with it, which appeared, and suddenly I had an idea of what I wanted to write. I'm gonna use various lyrics from this song (yeah, it's really beautiful ;)) for titles of the chapters or if I can't choose a fitting enough lyric from this particular song in some cases, I may also use some from other songs later...ok, enough talking, here you are:_

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**There's a place I used to go**

Your life isn't perfect. But one day you realize it's as good as it gets. You have virtually everything you always wanted. Your amazing boyfriend and even more amazing son make you believe you can overcome everything. Every drama with the people around you, every tragedy in the family, everything. And it's not like you have any other choice. Because life has a sick hobby of throwing struggles and disasters in your way. And it isn't any different when you have a phone call one day.  
"Addison?" you haven't heard that voice for more than a year. It's strangely weak, but after all that time you would recognize it anywhere. You've been married to its owner for 11 years. And it sounds too vulnerable not to scare you.  
"Derek?"  
"I hate to call you within these circumstances," yeah, it's there. Something horrible happened. To your ex-husband or one of your former collegues. One of your friends. Hell – and that thought may be the most frightening – perhaps to Richard, the greatest mentor you've ever had, "There was...there was a plane crash. We were... well, some of us...we were flying to Boise to perform a surgery and the plane crashed."  
Something in you screams in horror. Seriously?! What kind of curse is lying on that hospital that its doctors can never get a little peace? Will they ever find some sort of normalcy? Your voice is shaking when you ask:  
"Who was on the plane?"  
"Well, me, Meredith, Cristina, Callie's wife Arizona, Mark...and there was...Lexie died."  
Lexie...wait, Lexie Grey? She's dead? Oh, God.  
"And Mark...," his voice sounds like he's about to cry, "Addie, you may want to sit down."  
You feel like he stabbed you in the chest with those words. But moments later you are glad he told you to sit down, because your head is spinning too much when you hear that fateful sentence: "He's on life support."

You don't really register a thing of what's he saying after. It's something about cardiac tamponade and four days in the woods. You only know you're crying for two days after the phone call and your amazing boyfriend is taking care of Henry the whole time and in the meantime he mentions that when you feel like talking, he's there. You think he might be a saint. Well, there's no other possibility with him being so understanding. And you get that he deserves to know. And there is also one other thing you want to do. That's why you dry your tears after those two days and tell Jake you'd like to talk to him. Jake nods and listens to you patiently.  
"I loved Mark Sloan. And it happened when I was still married to Derek...his best friend. I cheated on my husband with Mark. He got me pregnant. The one time I ever was...or ever will be pregnant. But I didn't...I couldn't keep it, I just...at the time with him being the father I just...couldn't. It's just karma for this awful thing I did to my husband, who...trusted me. But it is...Mark could die. And I can't imagine that, I don't wanna imagine that. We...we haven't spoken in months, but there was a time when he was my best friend. He was always there for me...and I...I wanna be there for him. I need to go to Seattle, I need to see him. I wanna be a good friend," you tell Jake and maybe it is more about convincing yourself that what you just told him is completely true. In those exact words. You can't really pinpoint all the things you're feeling. You just know one thing. You tried to suppress the thought, because it's horrible and terryfying, but it's constantly on your mind since Derek called. Mark could die, hell, it's more than possible, and you can't even properly remember the last time you were talking to him. And it makes you feel horrible. Along with thousands of other things and with tears in your eyes again, you finish your speech:  
"So if you don't think you can trust me anymore or you think I'm a horrible person, because I'm a cheater...if you wanna go, you should...go."  
"I'm...I'm processing, so just give me a minute here...," and you can't believe what he says next: "Thank you for telling me the truth. I know that was hard. Then...you're not a cheater, you're a person, who once cheated...and...there's a difference. And...I wanna be there for you too. Let's go to Seattle," and that's how you find yourself with Henry on your hip and Jake holding your hand, standing in front of Mark's hospital room.

You know it's impossible to really prepare yourself for what you'll be faced with, but what you see when you actually come inside beats all the worst nightmares. Mark is lying in the bed motionless, with his eyes closed. He looks anything but peaceful. There's a tube down his throat, wires everywhere and he's hooked to a thousand machines. Every attempt to keep your composture goes to waste and you sit next to him sobbing uncontrollably. He looks like he aged overnight. Yeah, if you were able to think rationally right now, you'd know you can't really say, because you haven't seen him for more than a year, but it feels that way. You can see the pain written all over his features and you feel like clutching his hand so hard that you'd be afraid his blood stopped circulating. But you clutch Jake's hand instead, lean into his chest still looking at Mark's motionless figure and at first you don't notice Callie has just come into the room.  
"Addie, hello! I saw your son at daycare. Henry, right? Gosh, I hope to get to know him a little better," she is smiling, but her voice is sad. You tear your gaze from motionless Mark, really one of the saddest thing you've ever seen and you stand up to hug your friend in greeting.  
"Oh, this is Jake, my boyfriend. And well, Jake, I told you about Callie," you introduce them and Jake smiles at your friend.  
"Nice to meet you."  
Callie smiles, but then she says: "I wish I could say the same thing, but..." you can't imagine worse circumstances for their meeting either. She talks some more and when she utters the words:  
"He wishes to be unplugged after fifty days," you feel something died inside you. Sobbing once again you try to tell yourself that it's only day five and everything can still change. You're just not sure you believe it.

You later sit side by side with Callie, you supportively clutch each other's hands, your head is placed on her shoulder and hers is on top of yours. There are times when you're both silent, left with your own thoughts and there are times when you somehow try to catch up on each other's lives. You mostly talk about Henry and Sofia and it makes you both feel a little better. It isn't till many hours later when you realize it's gotten dark and you should go. Henry and Jake went to the hotel you booked before and you can't imagine how this will continue or how long you will stay in Seattle, you just don't believe you'll be able to leave till you know Mark's gonna be ok...or well – and that brings more tears to your eyes – till you know what's gonna happen to him, at least. Your incredible boyfriend somehow understands that. And when you're leaving the room, it's the first time you really touch Mark's sleeping figure. Sleeping – yeah, that's the least painful expression you can think of. Hell, you can even bear with the word comatose. But somewhere deep down you feel that he's actually in vegetative state and that's just too much. You brush his cheek and whisper:  
"Don't you dare give up on us, Mark. Don't you dare."

When you come to the hotel room later that evening (you don't cry anymore because you've gotten numb...or maybe you don't have any more tears left), Jake pulls you into his warm embrance, whispers soothing words about not losing hope and it makes you think that there's no doubt he's actually a saint. And that's how it goes everyday after that. You don't think about your work or life in LA at all. You go to the hospital in the morning, you sit by Mark's side, you also go to see Derek and you feel sorry for him because of his hand. But you assure him everything's gonna be alright, though you make yourself sick by saying that, cos it feels like such empty words. It's your third day in Seattle when Derek brings up the topic you knew was unavoidable and you knew you would have to talk about it sooner or later. Lexie. He talks about a resident with incredible talent for neuro, about Meredith's great younger sister and amazing aunt for Zola, about such a young and promising life that has been taken away under the plane wing. And you have no idea, how to react, but despite everything Lexie Grey symbolizes to you, you think it's truly horrible and you even shed a few tears. And then one thought crosses your mind and it makes you feel even more horrible – even if Mark wakes up, he wouldn't want to live. Not now, not without Lexie.

And that's how life comes up with its irony once again, cos around day fifteen of Mark being on life support, his vitals start looking better. On day eighteen Richard extubates him and he's breathing on his own. And on day twenty six he starts looking like he's slowly gaining consciousness. His eyelids flutter, he starts whimpering and muttering something and when someone comes to his bedside and grasps his hand, he weekly grasps it back. He even opens his eyes – even though what you see in them is mostly just blank stare and he rarely fixes his gaze at the person who's talking to him. On day forty he starts looking like he understands what people around him are saying and he starts moving his head as in 'yes' or 'no'. Nourishment is coming to him via tube in his nose and fluids via IVs, but on day forty eight he licks an icechip for the first time and he starts pronouncing a few words. They aren't very understandable, but one evening he points at Callie and utters:  
"...ooofffia."  
She quickly goes to get their daughter from the daycare and when she comes back, a part of the bed under Mark's back is moved up, so he's in the sitting position. He is smiling when he sees his daughter, you're standing in the hallway watching the scene through the glass wall of his room and you're also smiling happily.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, this was "just" a setting, but I feel it was really needed! I hope you feel this story is worth continuing with and I'd love to hear your opinions, some suggestions or whatever you want to say! I'm not a proffesional writer, nor I'm a doctor, so maybe you feel something in this story is (or eventually will be) out of place, but will try to be at least as medically accurate as I can. For example, in this chapter you can see Mark waking up and maybe there are some things interpreted wrongly, but believe me, I know from a personal experience that waking up from coma really doesn't look like it does in cheesy movies, where character opens their eyes and suddenly they know and they are able to do everything like before. And this fact certainly applies to vegetative state too._  
_Btw, I really recommend listening to Mine Again by Black Lab, and please review!_


	2. There's a world I used to know

_A/N: Here you go. Well, I can't say you really encouraged me into writing this story (reviews, anyone?), but a few people started following it and since I love Maddison and I had some ideas for how this story could go, I decided to write the second chapter. I'm sorry that it_'s short, really, these first chapters are mostly for filling the gaps or creating the atmosphere, they will definitely become longer soon. Well, if you are even interested in reading this fic, cos I__'m not so sure about that. But I couldn_'t get the idea out of my head, because...MADDISON! ...And that_'s about it, the reason enough. You can see _I uploaded _ the cover picture, hope you like it ;)).  
Though, like I said, this chapter is mainly for filling the gaps and you can see an important moment between Mark and Callie there. I_'m switching to Mark's POV in this chapter. The title is again derived from the lyrics of Mine Again by Black Lab._

* * *

**There's a world I used to know**

The only thing that makes you feel better these days is your daughter. You crave those moments when Callie brings Sofia to your room and it's always the highlight of your day. Actually, it's the only thing in your life that still makes sense. Your consciousness or mental capacity or whatever has gotten better during the recent days, but it actually makes you feel a whole lot worse. Because that means there are coherent thoughts on your mind and coherent thoughts mean thinking about Lexie. 24/7. Except for the time when your daughter comes, puts her arms around your neck, giggles playfully and goes on and on about nice nannies in daycare, her friends, Zola, the great toy they played with the other day and other things from a perfect life of a perfect child like her. Because yes, your daughter is utterly perfect and when you see her you sometimes actually think about getting better, so you can play with her, go outside with her, push her on a swing and so on. Other than that you don't believe there is a point in getting better. You don't want to and it's not like you really think about it. It's just the way it is set in stone. The way it is _meant to be_. Of course, there are also other people visiting you, you even vaguely recall seeing Addison, but none of that matters. Not with the image of happily ever after with Lexie, that is just too heartbreaking. Not with the thoughts of what your life was supposed to be like and not with your heart aching all the time – both metaphorically and actually.

Then Addison comes once again, and even though you can't think of a real reason for her presence being unpleasant, it just feels like it. She doesn't really know, how to speak to you, but she tries. You try too. Hell, you can't remember the details (and it really isn't important), but you even tried to speak with her light-heartily. Make a joke about sick guy getting all the attention or whatever, but it didn't come out funny at all. And there is also the other thing. You see that man, Jake, who looks like her boyfriend, and it's not like you care much, but when you see her with that cute little boy...when you see Henry, you can't help thinking:  
_He could have been yours._  
And then there are once again thoughts about the life you want, but you would never get. Thoughts about having the family with Lexie, the _love of your life._

In the meantime, they persuade you into undergoing physical therapy. It is supposed to help you walk again or something. Not with much success or effort on your side. You also have these problems with your heart, for which you got annoyingly large pile of brand new meds. You're actually told that the problems will pass later – maybe not completely, but with such a serious condition like cardiac tamponade it's still good. Or you heard a doctor refer to it like that. You don't use that expression anymore, cos nothing in this world could ever be_ good_ again.  
At first, they tried to verticalize you. Callie managed to get you out of bed and you've gotten this metal walker thing to help you start walking again. You don't really feel like trying though and with every attempt your head is spinning and you can't really keep a good balance. In physical therapy department there's this doctor telling you all the time just to try harder, because your CT scan doesn't show a serious damage to the kinetic centre of your brain that would medically cause problems with walking. One day they only give you one crutch and you're supposed to walk down the hallway leaning on it. For whatever reason Callie comes to support you or something, you're not sure, because you don't feel it's helping you at all. Seeing a few other doctors peeking from patient's rooms, just to see how pathetic thing this is, doesn't help you either. And you couldn't have expected to do good right away, but when you fall down, it becomes too much.  
"Oh Mark, you didn't hurt yourself, did you? Come on, I'll help you get up. It's okay."  
"How is this okay?!"  
"Mark..."  
"No, really! What's the point? What's the point in trying to live this life without her?! I'm being a burden for you and for everybody when I could've died with _love of my life_! I'm sure I just...cheated destiny...umm, no, it's actually the other way around! Destiny played an awful trick on me. You would all be just fine without me!" you shout.  
Anyway, what the hell does Callie think? Images of your friends come to your mind, cos nothing's more true than the statement that they would all be just fine without you. Derek with Meredith and Zola, Callie with Arizona and Sofia, hell even Addison with that guy and the little boy.  
But Callie isn't someone who lets you throw crap at her just like that.  
"Oh gosh, Mark, are you really that selfish?! Not everything is about you! Did I even mention that Arizona lost a leg?! And no matter how hard you try to fuck up, I certainly won't let you give up on Sofia, because she mustn't _damn it_ lose her dad! Just like I mustn't lose my best friend!"

* * *

_A/N: You told him, girl! Yeah, I love Callie's personality, how she can tell whoever off, especially Mark, and how damn right she is. Anyway, I'm sorry about the shortness and lack of moments between Mark and Addison, but this felt like the right place for cutting it. First hints of real Maddison are coming up in the next chapter...well, maybe, depends on how you unterstand the term 'hints of real Maddison'. It will be kinda dark and twisty, as Meredith would say, and you can be sure it's gonna take a lot more time to get all the matters between these two resolved, I really don't want it to feel forced or rushed. Still, I hope you're in for this and please tell me your opinions!_


	3. No words to explain

_A/N: As always so far, title is from the lyrics of Mine Again by Black Lab ;). Mark's POV (Well, Mark is the "you") in this chapter again._

* * *

**N****o words to explain**

You were really an ass. And she gave you a lesson that's been difficult or you to proceed, but she couldn't be angry at you for long, and you are really grateful for her presence. You are so grateful to have a best friend like Callie. She is your stable visitor these days, more often than not she comes to keep you company and she always somehow manages to lighten up your mood a bit. Today isn't any different, though while you were talking, you came across the topic of your current heart condition. But you only shrugged and smiled bitterly, what else could you do? All those doctor's orders and pills and everything start to annoy you a bit, but though you know it won't be easy, you are keeping it together. Even if the problems ended up being permanent, you wouldn't consider it the worst thing in the world. The worst thing is actually Lexie's death. And with that you're once again reminded that nothing in the world really matters anymore, but that's only till Callie mentions Derek. Among the cases she's treating. And you realize that he might never get his hand...hand of neuro-surgical god Derek Shepherd M.D...back. And while lamenting for your own suffering, you start feeling sorry for Derek too. And for Arizona, because what happened to her is even more horrible. But when it is about your _brother,_ it just strikes you more. However, you believe in the magic of Callie's work, because she fights for her patients, you don't think you've ever seen her give up on anyone. She and Derek have that in common. And Derek deserves to continue doing the job he loves and he's so great at.

And then you realize you miss your brother in a way and you ask Callie:  
"Cal, do you I think I can, you know...visit Derek? Or...," you become painfully aware of your current inability to really go anywhere, "I mean...can he visit me? Or something?"  
"Huh, you wanna see Derek? I could ask Meredith about that, I'm sure we can figure out a way." And that's what she does.

At lunchtime she catches Meredith in cafeteria and asks:  
"Hey Meredith...how is Derek today?"  
"Okay, why? ...Haven't you done rounds on him this morning?"  
"Yep, I did. I just...you know, when I talked to Mark today, he looked like he might want some...so called, normal socialization. You know Mark, all the people are visiting and feeling sorry for him, because he's the guy with sick heart and...and that certainly doesn't give him delight. He'd like to meet Derek, I believe he needs his best friend... Would Derek feel up to it?"  
"Of course, but...huh, Callie, I... I don't think it would be the most positive experience for Derek..." she shrugs, sighing a little.  
"I know," Callie nods like she understands, „He's all grieving and miserable, but...he lost...," and with that Callie trails off, because she realizes that Lexie was in fact Meredith's sister. And really, when she looks into the other woman's eyes, she can see upcoming tears.  
"Meredith, I'm so sorry. And Mark...yeah, he's...like that, but...he needs this. Derek will be ok."  
Meredith blinks her tears away and says:  
"I mean...yeah. But they're both still patients. I can ask Owen to let them meet, I'm sure he will be ok with one visiting the other in his room, he just won't let them randomly walk around."  
This time Callie shrugs, her voice a little sad:  
"You know, it will take some time till Mark's able to _randomly walk around_."  
"Yeah," Meredith sighs.

But she convinces Owen to let you two meet, so Derek comes to your room in the evening (actually, Meredith wheels him in in a wheelchair, because of hospital policy). The first thing you notice is that most of his arm is covered in bandage and he notices that you're still pale, there's an EKG machine on the side of your bed, used for checking your heart activity every now and then and of course the walker in the corner of your room.  
"Huh, that's really a meeting of two belters, isn't it?"  
You just roll your eyes: "Tell me about it."  
And then you two talk, which really makes you feel better. You don't talk about what happened – the reason you're both in the hospital now, but other than that you speak of everything and nothing, Callie, Meredith, Sofia, Zola, baseball and all that and you're both in slightly better mood afterwards, which surprises most of your coworkers.

A day later you're having physical therapy appointment once again. You've really been hating that thing. So when Addison comes over (to _support_ you or whatever), it's anything but pleasant. Jake and Henry went somewhere out and Addison herself probably has nothing to do, that's why she came to enjoy a little theatre of a desperate man. There's no other way for you to explain that. And then there comes a moment within one exercise, when you lose your balance and fall down to the ground once again. Before you can react in any way to what has just happened, Addison rushes to your side.  
"Oh, Mark! Haven't you hurt yourself? ...It's... it's ok, come on, get up."  
She holds out her hand to help you stand up.  
And that's when you've had enough.  
"Addison, go away, ok?! Do you enjoy seeing me like this?!" in your mind you know exactly what adjective you would use to describe that state. _Vulnerable_ and all that... But you wouldn't be caught dead actually saying that, "Is it some sort of sick pleasure for you?!"  
She's speechless.  
"Why are you still even here?! You see I _unfortunately_ won't die and what more would you want to know?!"

And with that you really crossed the line. For one brief moment you think she's gonna shout all sorts of curses at you, but she's so shocked and angry she can't think of any. There are also tears pressing their way into her eyes, but she can't let the emotions take over her. And the only think she does is send you a look full of contempt and shortly say:  
"You can be sure I don't enjoy it at all."  
And then she turns on her heel and leaves the room.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah...Mark and Addison interaction, finally. It probably wasn't what you hoped for, but...well, what would you expect? You see, Mark is a broken man and this wasn't even that bad yet :/. But __I said it's never really over with these two, so w__hat is it gonna turn into? Wanna find out? Please review, because I seriously feel nobody's reading this fic and i that case it would be easier just to stop writing it. I would hate to do so, but there's no point in continuing when nobody's interested.  
But if someone is and you encourage me to keep writing, next chapters will definitely be longer, the first ones deal mainly with being conscious of what had happened, they set up some things I want to deal with later on, fill the gaps and so...  
Yeah, and I realized ithis fic was first published on April Fools Day, but I didn't mean it to be a joke :D_


	4. There was a light and it was you

_A/N: Can I just say I'm loving the __second person-__narration? I feel it's just exactly what I need for storytelling in this fic O:). Well, and I'm starting to switch between Mark's and Addison's POV also within one chapter, I hope it won't be confusing and difficult to follow, but I believe it's important to see both of their views on various situations. This chapter starts with "you" being Mark, then when you see this symbol (###), it is switching to Addison...then back, and so. Here is the fourth chapter, enjoy:_

* * *

**There was a light and it was you**

Oh Lexie, why did you have to leave me alone in this world? It's impossible to live without you among the crowd of people of whom nobody is able to really understand. Why did you do it?! I would get so angry with you right now, if I didn't...well, if I didn't miss you and regret your death so much. So much that the only thing I can actually do is hurt everyone around with my comments.

And you don't actually utter that, but your thoughts are full of these words. Callie is used to all your crap, but you start to realize to have to stop pulling it at her. And then there's Addison. Addison, who's remaining presence in the hospital you really don't get, but that doesn't mean you intended to say such hurtful words to her. You honestly only feel better with Sofia around. And maybe...well yeah, you felt better when Derek visited you the other day. And you can't imagine how much longer you're gonna have to stay in the hospital, but you know you need something to cheer you up. So when the new head of cardio, Dr. Russel, comes to check on you, you ask him whether he thinks it'll be possible to make a deal with chief Hunt about you and Derek being moved to the same room. And since all people in the surgical department know you and Derek, the deal is made and by evening you're moved into the same room.

"Pathetic," Derek chuckles, putting down his bag and jumping onto bed, but you know he's just as delighted as you are that neither needs to spend any more time in annoyingly quiet separate rooms with occasional visits from your friends being the only distraction. Well, it's not like Derek has to spend much more time in the hospital. It's been two days since his second surgery. And about you, you just don't know. You've gotten less numb about your health condition in the light of your current outbursts to both Callie and Addison – or well, to others it appears like you did, you can't really say, because thoughts are kinda clouded in your head.

At lunchtime there's a pleasant visit for both of you, because Callie and Meredith come, of course with Sofia and Zola. You let your daughter tell you all about her day in daycare, you tickle her and play with her and when Callie's watching this scene, she smiles in delight and for the first time since the crash she thinks that it may all just be okay later.

"Callie?" you suddenly feel like bringing it up, because you need to make one more thing okay.

"Yes, what?"

"Is...you know, is Addison still here?"

She makes a small smile and she says: "Yes, I think she is."

"Well, then...can you get her to come here? I feel I need to apologize to her."

###

When Callie comes and tries to convice you to go talk with Mark, you're not too fond of the idea. But at the same time you hate the thought of going back to LA without talking to him first, and you realize that for some reason you don't like the idea of leaving. Thankfully Jake was there supporting you. You went to the park with Henry together, Jake held your hand and bought you icecream, you sat down and cuddled on a bench and he tried to reassure you with the words about Mark not meaning to be rude. That he still has a long journey ahead, before he really copes with what has happened to him. And that he surely hates when other people see his weaknesses, just like any other man. Seriously, your boyfriend can't be any more awesome...his concern when you came to him slightly shaken up after Mark's performance, his words, him taking care of Henry, his understanding. His ability to always make you feel better. And maybe that's how you gather the strenght to go back to Mark's room with Callie.

The wall of the room is transparent and when you're about to go in, you see a beautiful scene unfold in front of your eyes. Mark with Sofia sitting on his lap, his fingers running through her thick black hair and on the other bed Derek snuggling with Zola, talking with Meredith and smiling from ear to ear. Yeah, when you see two happy dads, both of whom happened to be your lovers once and how they now both have babies with other women, you feel something like bitter happiness for them. You draw a breath and enter the room in Callie's tow. She comes to Mark and takes Sofia from his arms. You don't see it, but she also winks at her best friend. Then she speaks:

"Okay, we will give you space."

Meredith mutters: „Yeah," and Derek just nods and gets up from his bed. They all go outside also with Zola and Sofia and when the door clicks behind them, Mark speaks:

"Addie, I'm sorry."

Mark calling you Addie is more than strange for you, considering the circumstances. But at the same time, it's strangely comforting.

"It's ok."

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have...you know."

###

You can't properly form what you want to say...huh, maybe you don't really know what you want to say.

"Anyway, I'm sorry."

She just smiles and puts her hand on your bed thinking about taking your hand for a second, but she dismisses the idea as quickly as it came.

"How are you, by the way? I saw...you have a son?" you don't feel like uttering the next words that come to your head: _How come I don't know anything about that?_

"Yes, my Henry," you don't remember the previous time you saw her with such a loving smile on her face, „He's five months old...well, he's adopted and..." _with him my life finally makes sense._

"Where is he now?"

"Jake is taking care of him..."

You don't really know how to respond to that: „So, this Jake guy...he is your..."

"Boyfriend," she confirms.

_I still can't believe you've found somebody new_

_But I wish you the best_

_I guess_

_(J. Legend – Everybody Knows)_

"He looks like a good guy," you know she feels strange with you saying that, you feel strange when you utter that yourself, but whatever. It's not like it matters. For you nothing really matters anymore, honestly. But Addison deserves to be happy. You sit up and smile:

"Ok, I've been a jerk...as usual, but it was good seeing you again, you know."

###

And he kinda hopes he will get to see you more often, because for a long time you've been coming to Seattle only like once a year, really.

And with him saying that you feel it's really time to go back to LA. You did what you came here for, you've been here a lot longer than you though you would, it wasn't too pleasant, but the final outcome is...okay after all. Now you can go back to LA and you're even looking forward to that a bit. You lean down to the man you've been through so much with and you kiss him on the cheek saying:

"Goodbye, Mark."

And he responds with: "See you soon...Red,"which somehow brings delighted smile to your face. And then you turn around and leave.

* * *

_A/N: I know it wasn't much, but it is a start...they definitely WILL see each other soon! Some guesses or suggestions about that? Also, be those amazing feedback providing readers and please, tell me your opinion on this fic. ;)  
Oh, and I just realized...well, I kinda recall realizing it before and planning to explain that, but then I completely forgot...Julia Canner...you know, the girl Mark was dating. I didn_'t feel like mentioning her in this fic, plus she was last seen in 9x02 before Mark fell into a coma, so before Addison came to Seattle. And she really wasn_'t all that significant character, but...you realize she was a redhead, right? People, I tell you, THAT isn_'t coincidence!____


	5. No beginning and no end

_A/N: This chapter starts with Mark's POV (Mark being the "you") and with this (###) symbol it's always switching between him and Addison... you can see how they are both doing in their separate lives these days...I believe it's the important fill-in, but it definitely screams for an interaction between them ;). I promise some in the next chapter, but still, enjoy the hints in this one and...props to those who catch the Taylor Swift reference :D._

* * *

**No beginning and no end**

You're physically really getting better these days and with Derek the remaining time in the hospital had even been _fun. _But he was discharged almost a week ago anyway and today comes the moment when you're finally leaving the hospital. But you would lie if you said you're happy about it. You imagine Callie pushing you in a wheelchair (you're not strong enough to walk whole way home on your own feet just yet) and that is unbearable, cos it always makes you think about how you should be the one who's pushing Sofia's stroller. No, your life really isn't miserable enough, you just have to be dependant on other's care. You angrily throw your T-shirt to the bag, which makes the intern who's helping you pack – Edwards is her name probably – wince a little. You also shoot slightly pained look at the stack of meds on the table. You're gonna have to take them all at least for some time. Because your heart is crap and the fact, that you and your fellow doctors didn't have access to real treatment for a few days after the crash, didn't make it any better. You frown, shrug, then throw meds to the bag and zip it.

Teddy Altman took the job offer in this army-doctors-something-organization, so the cardio wing has a new attending. Doctor Russel is an afro-american man, who honestly smiles all the time, which is really annoying. So when he comes and hands you the discharge papers, you sign them as quickly as possible and hope he will go away quickly. And only now you realize that the most unbearable thought is the one of being alone in your apartment without Lexie. The other thing that occurs to you is that you have to visit Lexie's grave. That idea is just terrible. But it also makes you think there's nothing you need to do more. So when Callie comes to give you the lift home, you quickly start:

"Hey, Callie. Yeah, it's all packed. You know, I just realized...can you show me where Lexie is...," you can't bring yourself to saying the word _buried_, "...I need to see her," there are tears in your eyes.

Callie frowns.

"Well, Meredith and Derek are going there tomorrow. You can go with them," she sighs, then takes your bag and turns to walk out of the room.

...

You come back home from the graveyard in seemingly worse mood. At least Meredith was sympathetic and she didn't make you go in the wheelchair, because you really don't believe you could take it. No, she mercifully had her arm linked with yours instead of Derek's the whole time and supported your unsteady figure while walking. But what is worse, your head is now filled with images of Lexie along with the images of cold grey gravestone and it all makes you think about that moment when she drew her last breath under the plane wing. You can't even cry anymore. But also, though you didn't expect it and certainly don't fully acknowledge it now, seeing Lexie's grave is the first step towards the closure for you. Towards believing that there still might be a happy ending for you somewhere. And it may be the one you have known for years.

###

You're back in LA, but for some reason it feels strange. Well, nothing is like it was anymore. Pete died. Everyone, including you, is sad and you try to suppress those thoughts, but it always makes you think how horrible it would be if Mark died too. Everyday you wonder how is he doing, but other than those one or two calls with Callie, you won't bring yourself to actually find out. Your boyfriend is amazing and once or twice you caught yourself thinking that he is something like _too amazing_. What can you do? You're not used to this. Your life has been full of dysfunctional relationships, having such a perfect man in your life doesn't feel familiar, the last time you had one, it was probably Derek in the time shortly after you married him, but that didn't last long. You should be grateful, but it is...why do you miss your flawed men with all that _screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain_? (you haven't thought about kissing Derek for years, so why are you now reminiscencing about the rainy night when he kissed you outside his trailer?) You even imagine Sam, freakin' offensive and awfully passionate Sam, and finally you see Mark, the way you could scream at each other for hours for hundread pointless reasons back in New York and then you had passionate sex. It was all so incredibly wrong, but it felt okay at that time. You see him shouting:

"_We all made mistakes Addison, all three of us, but somehow I lost my best friend an the woman I loved!"_

"I deserve happiness," you tell yourself, but you're not so sure about it.

And then Callie calls and invites you to her birthday party, because she's 35 in a few days and that's kinda big.

"Of course, Henry and Jake are invited too. Zola and Sofia are both gonna be there, so...I hope you make time. I'd love to see you Addie, make it the start of us seeing each other more often, because we really have to work on that!"

###

Today you're just sitting in Callie's apartment once again, she's talking mostly about nothing and you're just happy you are close to your daughter. Arizona is there too, but it's not like she really IS there. She is distant and she doesn't talk much. If anyone asked you, you would say your own situation is hundread times worse, but that doesn't mean you consider hers easy. You know she has the new prosthetic leg and the glances you both send in each other's direction every now and then tell you that you are both aware about each other's situation and somehow understand each other – something you don't believe Callie will ever be fully able to do. You're playing with Sofia, Arizona has even given her a new pretty hairstyle, distracting herself from other things using hairbands and bobbie pins, and suddenly Callie announces she would like to celebrate her birthday and also winning the lawsuit regarding the plane crash. Because she's 35 in a few days and that's really nice opportunity for the party, and celebration of winning all those money for such thing, may just be a sick sense of humour. Or something, because the thing she's planning really feels like _survivor's dinner._

###

You kinda admire Callie that she's in the mood for celebrating in times like these though you're not too sure that you want to attend that thing, but you dismiss the thought quickly, because Callie is your friend and you coming would make her hapy. Because it's not everyday a person celebrates their 35th birthday. Because you both promised you're gonna try to see each other more often.

You can't help wondering whether Mark will be there and in a few seconds you come to conclusion that he certainly will. And for some reason you later tell Jake:

"You know, Callie's turning 35 in a few days. She invited me to come to her birthday party. I can take Henry with me cause Sofia and Zola are both gonna be there and everything. On Saturday. Is it ok? I'll be back on Sunday."

And only long time after this you will realize it was your first step of drifting away from the perfect man, who's also the perfect dad for Henry, towards the man who's grieving becase of the death of _love of his life_. Towards the man who hurt you too many times and you did the same thing to him about as many times. Towards the man, whose baby you aborted only to later find out you couldn't have any more children of your own and he had a daughter with his lesbian BFF. Towards the man with whom it never worked, but whom you miss so damn much.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah...modified __'survivors dinner' is coming up next chapter. ;) That means __rewrite of the 9x11 scene _– _with Mark and Addison in it. Now, that should be interesting...thoughts?_

_Also, tell me your opinion on this whole fic, suggest what should I improve or just share your love for Maddison with me ;D. It's all exciting to read. :)_


	6. Can't seem to shake the pain

_A/N: A new update, finally! Well, the end of the semester is approaching, which isn't exactly the best time for uploading fanfictions, but I'll do my best not to abandon this one. I promise because...huh, because I love it (and Maddison) too much. O:) Anyway, the title of this chapter is from the lyrics of Everybody Knows by John Legend. I promised you the 'survivors dinner', so here you are. Starting with narration from Mark's POV, with the symbol ### it's always switching between him and Addison:_

* * *

**Can****'t seem to shake the pain**

Saturday comes quickly, it's Callie's birthday party and for some twisted reason she has also chosen to celebrate winning all that money. So, you're all celebrating. Or well, those of you, who are not working (she tried to find a time, when most of her friends aren't on-call, but couldn't manage for every single one to be here) or who are not yet cleared for surgery (you may actually be the only one in this category). You still think it wasn't very good idea and you're 100% sure Derek, Meredith, Cristina and Arizona share your opinion. How the hell are you supposed to celebrate anything (especially winning the FREAKING LAWSUIT that would't happen at all if the PLANE didn't CRASH and didn't KILL LEXIE?!), when you're not sure you will ever be in the mood for celebrating anything ever again? Or something like that, a little less cliche and pathetic. Plus, for her birthday she also invited other people, who have no idea, how you survivors felt in those woods (not that she has!), for example Richard and Addison. You're certain she has gone mad and you would yell at her and send her to hell and other not quite as rhetorical places if you didn't have the slightest piece of gentleman in you and didn't want to humiliate her in front of everyone. Instead you rather walk far away from her, not sure if you want to talk with her ever again ,and you find Addie drinking a coctail in the corner.

"Hi, Red," when you said _See you soon_, you didn't actually imagine it would be this soon. Her Henry is playing with something on the floor and Zola is nudging him to the side. You don't see that guy, Jake, anywhere.

"Isn't your boyfriend here?"

"No...he's working," she answers casually, "How are you? Well, I see you are making progress," she smiles approvingly when she sees you're not even using a walking stick at the moment.

_When you say so._ You make a crooked grin, but you don't have the heart to tell her other than: "Yeah, it's slow, but it's there."

"Good," she smiles.

And then you're all eating some fancy meal and you're all just silently looking down to your plates hoping to finish this celebration or whatever it is as quickly as possible cos you've already given Callie birthday presents and the whole thing just feels wrong.

She asks: "How's everyone's dinner?"

„Okay."

"Good."

"Good."

"Yeah."

Someone asks, "Addie, how's LA?" and she really doesn't want to talk about her personal life, so she just tells you all about the interesting case she was treating a week ago.

"How did the surgery with James go?" Derek asks Arizona and she explains that Jackson didn't listen, he went ahead with the monobloc readvancement and she stood there for five hours making sure he didn't mess it up.

"I'd like to make a toast," Callie announces.

"Oh, Callie, no toasts. You know what, let's just get this dinner over with...," yeah, you can't agree more.

"Arizona stood for five hours."

"That's not the point."

"Yeah, I know. Do you realize how big is it? You standing for five hours isn't the point? ...Do you know what else happened today? Derek played ping-pong."

"And lost."

"And wanted to keep on playing cos his wrist wasn't sore."

And then she turns to Cristina, who's obviously not paying any attention to her, because she is too caught up with what she sees in her phone: "What are you doing?"

Cristina quickly puts the phone down: "Oh, sorry. I'm just, uh, quickly texting Owen."

"Sexting," Meredith interjects and you can't help it, you grin. You don't remember the last time you actually found something funny or were thinking about sex, though you used to do it all the time. In the time _before_. Now you're living in the _after_.

"She's trying, that's what she's doing," Callie sums it in her own way. You often think she's overly idealistic, but well...maybe that's something you all need a piece of.

"Um, we're all...we're trying. Don't you see that? We're all trying. Trying to move on, which is progress and it feels weird and sad and wrong, but it also feels exciting."

_When you have lost the power  
__They used to leave you fee  
__To know you have this anger  
__For all the things you've seen  
_

_(Aaron – Seeds of Gold)_

And that's when it comes. Callie has tears in her eyes and she starts:

"I miss Lexie."

And for some reason rage boils in you and you don't know whether you should cry and drown in your tears or start shouting something like _Don't you dare..._ But just like a few days ago at the graveyard, you don't feel you have anymore tears left to cry. And you're probably too shocked to start shouting cos before you can say anything, she continues:

"And I miss you laughing," for some reason you feel like she is piercing _you_ with her glare now, "And I miss you joking. And I'm heartbroken, but I'm also grateful, that all of you are here tonight. And I'm gonna celebrate that and we're gonna toast. Come on, toast."

She picks up her glass and you hear Derek saying: "Happy 35, Callie."

And then the waiter is going around your table and offerig you all champagne, but Meredith dismisses it with "No, thank you."

Callie firmly says: "Yes, she's having champagne. Grey, we're all having champagne."

"No, I can't."

And when you see Derek's small smile, you somehow know, why his wife doesn't wanna drink, before Callie does.  
"Just try, come on, is it too much to ask you to try?"

"I can't because I'm pregnant."

And then there are happy squeals and she's receiving congratulations from all sides. And Richard is smiling almost like he's going to be a grandpa. But your eyes search for Addie. And since your ability to sense what she's feeling never really disappeared, you know she feels uncomfortable with the situation. And she knows you know, but she also knows you wouldn't comfort her. And you don't because you remember that Addie once wanted Derek, wanted to have a baby with him so badly that she aborted yours and that's unforgivable. Yes, you had your role in that too – along with Charlene and some other booty calls – but your memory is selective and you don't think about that. You just watch the three kids and imagine a little boy or girl with Derek's hair (boy would be more fitting) among them. It's a nice though and for the first time since the crash you feel happy for somebody.

###

Zola stopped nudging your son and they proceeded to fighting over a toy. When you see them you realize how smaller than Zola Henry is and that you should tear them apart for his safety. Meredith comes trying to stop them too and when your gazes meet, Meredith notices something strange in your eyes. She can't really choose, whether she wants to know, but she still asks:

"What?"

You bite your lip, but then you manage a smile and say:  
"Congratulations."

Meredith's face breaks into a smile too and you start thinking. You're not exactly aware of the facts, that she was pregnant before, the gunman walked into the hospital, he wanted to kill your ex-husband when he was lying unconsious on the operating table, Meredith begged him to shoot her instead, after all that she lost her baby and then she and Derek had problems conceiving (though you might have heard somebody utter the words _hostile uterus_ in the meantime and you're an OB/GYN and you're perfectly aware of what that means). But you see Meredith and Derek with the baby that's obviously adopted and you put two and two together. Your situation with Henry is after all very similar. And your own story and stories of countless other women you were treating in your career make you think that Meredith being pregnant is the rare kind of happiness. But you really didn't plan dealing with such things tonight and you rather move away and find Callie to have a talk with her. Among other things, you bring up Miranda:

"By the way, how's Bailey? Is she working tonight?"

"Yeah, well, I really wanted her to come, but we just couldn't organize our schedules for everyone to be here on one night."

"Yeah, I see. So, how is she? And her boy, well, he's like...six now? I remember delivering him like it was yesterday," _yeah, the day when whole hospital could've blown up_, you remind youself, "How are they?"

"Tuck, he's visiting his dad right now. Well, he's great, smart little boy. I'd say they're doing fine. Huh, of course they are...Bailey...she's something like Bailey-Warren now," Callie winks.

"What? She got married? How come I don't know anything about that?" you squeal happily, almost like a teenage girl.

"Yup...and Ben, the husband of hers...really handsome," wide smile settles on her lips and she nods approvingly almost like she wasn't a lesbian who in addition happens to have a daughter with her male best friend.

You make a mental note to ask Miranda about that sometime, but right now you are starting to look forward to going back to LA. And to Jake. You can't rationally explain even to yourself why you didn't bring him along, just having him by your side would provide you with some sort of comfort when Meredith announced she was pregnant.

###

As the evening continues, you find yourself standing next to Addie at the bar. Now you're having a casual conversation with her. Though you can both sense a big elephant in the room between you two and then there comes a moment when you can't avoid thinking about it anymore. It makes you wonder – she once told you you'd be a terrible father, later Callie kinda helped you undestand it was true, because she mentioned dads liked kids and remembered important dates and everything...but that was years ago. You now have a daughter with Callie, you're a great dad to her and you also selflessly helped Sloane, the other girl who came into your life as the result of your manwhore tendencies. And all of the outcomes of these tendencies always hurt Lexie, but on the other hand there's no doubt she was the one who made you a better man, made you want to commit and so. Yeah, there once was a time when you wanted to commit to Addison...but it wasn't real – the thought occurs in your mind that it wasn't _meant to be_ and it just gets you to start tearing up again.

Addison notices and she carefully asks: "...Mark?"

And at this moment you cannot react in any other way. You start out of the blue with anger implied in your words:

"What's the point in trying to commit when it all gets wrecked in the end anyway?!"

You think about how you wanted to commit to Lexie, about the life with her you desired but you will never have. And for some reason one other example also comes to your mind – Addison...she was always just using you to feel better about herself and said you had no idea about commitment. And when you finally felt ready to commit to her, she slept with Karev. You let her go because...once in your life you wanted to behave like the greater man. Lexie made you want to be greater all the time. And in this moment your heart aches a bit more than it usually does and it's not because you've suffered a cardiac tamponade. No, it is because you remember how you let Lexie go too. To be with Jackson. And it becomes too much, but since you somehow get that you can't take out your frustrations about Lexie's death on Addison, you snap at her:

"Why did you sleep with Karev?!"

In this moment it's not like you even wanna know, you're sure it was for some stupid enough reason and you just selfishly want to make her feel bad.

###

You're shocked. You can't believe that in this particular situation he brings up such thing from years ago. It were always things like this – mostly meaningless sex – on which your relationship failed.  
_And it led to me becoming the meaningless sex,_ you bitterly say to yourself when you let yourself think about that moment in your bed in LA when you practically begged Mark to stay with you and he realized he wanted to go back to Lexie.

"Are you seriously asking this now?! Let me remind you, you slept with someone too!"

"I didn't! I just said that so you wouldn't feel guilty!"  
Now this leaves you at the loss of words. Why?! Why were you so stupid? Why didn't you say anything when he told you he had slept with someone? Why Mark...? And you don't know if you are more angry with yourself or with him.

"Because I was confused and scared and I didn't recognize my own life anymore! Just don't pretend you never did such thing!" and in the front of your mind there immediately occur thoughts about Mark buying an onesie and a calendar and sleeping with Charlene few days after that.

"You should've fought for me! But you just let me go!"

And the room falls silent and it's inevitable that everyone heard your outburst.

_That's just perfect_, you tell yourself and then you lift Henry off the ground, move to Callie and say:

"Huh, Callie...thanks for inviting us... and thanks for the evening. But we should really go."

You put on your coat, take Henry and leave.

_How to be brave__  
__How can I love when I'm afraid?_

_(Christina Perri – A Thousand Years)_

* * *

_A/N: Uh...cliffhanger. I know I've done something similar before, but...there is a difference between snapping at someone just because you don't want them to see your weekness, and bringing up their mistakes from the past and the wrongs they commited on you. Mark still remembers it clearly. Doesn't that indicate something? And Addison is obviously also gonna contemplate about what she said and what does that mean. Anyway, I feel this is sort of game-changer. I will try to explain in the next chapter...well, if you're interested. _Please, don't make greyslostwho be the only one who writes me reviews :D and tell me what you think ;).__


	7. It's time

_Huh...two reviews? I guess it's better support than nothing :p. Anyway, let's talk about something else...I said the previous chapter was game changing in a way. Wanna find out why? Just read this one! I have no idea how you're gonna feel about it, I guess it's something you're either gonna love or hate, but just tell me yourself. Anyway, about the title...It's Time is the song by Imagine Dragons._

* * *

**It's time**

For once it's nice and sunny day in Seattle and you're visiting Lexie's grave. Without a company, you've settled to the habit of doing that on your own and you somehow feel comfortable when it's just you, your few tears and the thoughts of your love. You have brought her a bouquet of flowers whose name you don't remember, you just know they are white and they are pretty. You put them on the grave, you sweep away the dirt from it and dry the loose tears that fall at your cheek when you look at the gravestone saying _Lexie Grey (1982-2012)_. You weren't even at her funeral, because you were in vegetative state then. You don't know whether it is better or worse. If you can use that (in this case horrible) expression, you try to _make it up_ to her and you go here really often, making sure her grave looks nice, sure she isn't alone...of course you subconsciously know this behavior isn't exactly healthy. But it's not like you care. You manage a small smile and you tell her:

"Meredith and Derek are expecting another baby. You know, you're going to be an aunt again. Meredith and I are gonna make sure he or she knows about you. And also that Zola remembers how amazing her aunt is," you sigh and you feel the ache on your chest. You believe it's induced by both medical and emotional reasons and you remember to take your meds when you get home.

And with tears in your eyes you continue:

"I'm sorry I screwed up. Just...everything could have been different today," you can't help thinking how – in some universe of perfection – you could've been married by now and maybe also have a child. Yes, Lexie was too young for that but had you two not always been on and off, had you been together all that time, had you been a better man, she might have been ready and everything. If only one little circumstance changed, neither of you might have been on that fucking plane. But on the other hand, had you been together all that time without ridiculous break-ups, without sleeping with other people...there would be no Sofia. You hate that thought and suddenly screwing up doesn't seem so bad. Also, it kind of brought you to Lexie. Because you two might have never even met if you never screwed it up with Addison, _the only other woman you have ever loved_. You have no idea where is that thought coming from and you also contemplate about how you're gonna carry on with your life. It was unimaginable before and it still doesn't feel real or right, but somehow you think about it more and more everyday. But you can't be making any plans without Lexie yet, it's too surreal. You once said that all you wanted to do for the rest of your life was making her happy. What would Lexie want? What would make her happy? You guess you will just try and be there for her sister and for all your friends now. And hopefully you will see with time. But when you ask yourself the question what you should do, one thought occurs.

_You should've fought for me_, said Addison, who was supposedly over you and she now had a great boyfriend and son. Of course, it was because of the offensive question, you asked in the spur of the moment, when you thought about commitment, but still.

"Lexie, help me. How am I ever supposed to love any other woman apart from you? Back then I couldn't even fight for Addison..." and for some reason you're shocked with yourself and you feel the mix of guilt and shame, because you just did the unthinkable. You mentioned Addison at Lexie's grave. It makes you wanna quickly forget the thought and, shaking your head with tears in your eyes, you light the candle up and leave.

But you can't stop that thought from coming again. In the evening back in your apartment you somehow don't feel Lexie that close and you allow your mind to drift to the redhead. And it only takes a few moments till you realize that you really don't know what to do but you promise yourself you won't screw up again. Not with the other of the two women you have ever loved.

###

You and Henry have been back in LA with Jake for some time now, but Jake noticed something strange in your behavior. When he catches you calling Callie for the third time in less that two months, mainly to ask about how Mark is, suspicions start crossing his mind. Until one evening when you're sitting in the living room and he softly asks:

"Addie...I don't want to be insensitive or...but is there more to the story of you and Mark? Cos you sounded pretty concerned today...sorry I overheard, I just couldn't miss it. I see you're pretty shaken up after his injury."

You can't think of any other response than:

"Of couse I'm concerned with my friend's health! And I feel bad for not speaking with him for months, you know, before the crash."

"What else happened with you two? I mean...what happened after you aborted the baby?"

This...hurt. But you somehow manage to stutter:

"Why are you asking me this?"

But when you see him, his expresion is just so concerned and caring, you have no idea where's that coming from.

"Addison...you're not yourself. I mean...since Callie's birthday party..."

You look down sadly and your voice is quiet:

"He...there was a situation and...he brought up something from the past. He...how could he...but you know, I had hurt him...with my abortion...an so on. He was hurt and I realized he wanted to hurt me just as much." _Not that he hadn't already_...you think bitterly,

"I just didn't realize he had never gotten over it. And...I said something hurtful to him too. And I can't stop thinking about it."

When you remember you shouted _You should've fought for me!_ in front of everyone, it only makes you feel worse. And it's mainly because of this perfect guy sitting in front of you.

And Jake obviously clinged to the statement _I just didn't realize he had never gotten over it, _because what you hear next is:

"Did you get over him?"

You're shocked, but you realize the question fell exactly to place.

You think. You don't love Mark anymore, you've been happy without him for months (well, maybe you haven't but that was because of other things), but you never really got over the _betrayal _you felt three years ago, when Mark came to LA with his daughter and he left you like that. Again, he made big promises and they fell apart in seconds. He made you believe in you two together again and you don't think you can get over those broken promises. Wait, what? You've been happy with your boyfriend and son for months. You didn't even think about Mark for a long time before his life-threatening injury. You feel pathetic behaving like this.

"I...I don't know," you stutter, "I just know I love you."

"Addison..." he shots you a pained look, "I...imagine both me and Mark with engagement rings for you. That situation. What would your heart tell you to do? Who would you choose to spend the rest of your life with?"

You're shocked once again. You're almost sure Jake is the best man you have ever met. The thought of spending rest of your life with Jake was something slowly beginning to linger on your mind for some time before the plane crash. But it somehow now pales in comparision to the image of Mark being the one who slides a ring onto your finger. You can't believe what you realize – that you somehow imagined that moment before. Once or twice back in New York before you both screwed up, before you desperately wanted to have Derek back. It was for a really short period of time, not more than two weeks. It was after Derek left and you were somehow happy because you were finally living with somebody who truly cared about you. At those times you thought what that would be like. You would be out of your marriage to Derek, and Mark would come one day and say he doesn't want to be the manwhore anymore, that he wants to give everything to you, that he loves you more than anything and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He hurt you like hell instead, but in this moment you just can't get rid of the image you thought was long forgotten. You can't get rid of the thought that he needs more support than his friends (that all have their own problems and careers and families) can provide him with. Of the thought that just like he has never gotten over you sleeping with Karev, he may never get over Lexie's death and never stop occasionally dropping hurtful comments like the one at Callie's birthday party. But at the same time you acknowledge that despite his words you haven't stopped wondering how he was. And you also kind of miss him. And then you start crying and you say:

"Jake, I...you...you know what I'm gonna say. I haven't realized before and...I don't want to imagine what it would be like if I realized after..." After what? _After I married you_. Because you can't utter that, but that's exactly what could've happened, you could've married Jake someday and that would've been a disaster. You could've lived the rest of your life unconscious of your real feelings. Or you could've...

"My past is ugly and my life is a complete mess and I just realized it's not gonna get any better anytime soon and...you should find a woman who wouldn't complicate your life, who wouldn't hurt you and who would make you happy. I'm just that desperate girl who's hopelessly falling for a man grieving for the _love of his life_. And... and Mark out of all! Jake, you don't want that."

You realize you're turning down the perfect guy with whom you imagined your future a really short time ago, for the guy you have almost zero chances with. Because he is grieving and he's hurt and he's changed. But you can't let go of the hope that when you fight like hell and overcome every obstacle, one day you will be **his again.**

_It's time to begin_

_Isn't it?_

_(Imagine Dragons - It__'s Time)_

* * *

_...I think it really is. So...now I'm almost scared to hear your opinions, but I'm also incredibly anxious. And...you can find a reference to Addie's words from actual PP and well...also Addie's words resembling those Derek once said to Meredith in GA. Or?...;)_

_What to expect next: Well you probably guessed, but...Addie back in Seattle :)._


	8. It's just time that runs between us

_Hello, guys...finals coming up, what could be more pleasant? :p Anyway, that doesn't mean my addiction to Maddison isn't kicking in :D, so here's a new chapter for you. I promised Addie coming back to Seattle, so here you are, it seriously i__s__ time for some actual interactions and moments-full-of-hidden-feelings between her and Mark. "It's just time that runs between us" is the piece of lyrics from 'Mine Again'._

* * *

**It's just time that runs between us**

You still can't believe what's happening. You dropping Henry in daycare this morning and now standing in the office of the Chief of surgery in Seattle Grace...no, wait...you cringe when you suddenly come to the painful realization it's Grey Memorial Hospital now. But when you shake hands with Owen Hunt, he hands you the employment contract and your hand smooths over your brand new labcoat, it all settles in. You can't say whether you are ecstatic or frightened. In this moment you are just almost grateful Richard isn't the chief anymore because you're sure job interview with him would lead to really awkward talk about personal matters. Mainly about your reasons for coming back and you're not sure you're ready to cut deep into this issue just yet. Or maybe like...ever. Of course you know people will ask you sooner more likely than later anyway, but you just hope to deal with it somehow when it comes up. The other thing you realize is that your new locker in the lounge is located right next to the one belonging to Meredith Grey and it just makes you wonder whether this position of lockers is random, proving life's sick sense of humour or someone is trying to mock you already. You're somehow relieved when you find out that Mark's locker isn't anywhere close. Not that you have an idea when he'll be medically capable of coming back to work. Anyway, surprisingly enough, you feel something like the wave of pleasant rush when you step into the hallways of the surgical floor and you meet with the group of interns assigned to you today.

"I'm Addison Montgomery, the new head of obscetrics and gynaecology, you'll be working with me today," you're trying to recognize some of their faces but without much success, "Ok, let's go rounding now."

So you go to your first rounds in this hospital in six years. It's hard to believe. But well, the latest time you had eager interns (ok, maybe they weren't so eager for your particular speciality, but still) walking behind you, they were Karev, Grey and Yang. You hear something like "Look at those heels!" among the group and you roll your eyes thinking whether the hell have they never seen a woman in high heels before. Or they may just be taking bets on the prize of the shoes, guessing when you trip in them or something even weirder, but you couldn't care less. Instead you just turn around, smile at the interns in Satan-like fashion, piercing them with your glare and then you firmly ask:

"Who's presenting?"

A male intern steps out, he hands you the chart and starts:

"Katy Thomas, 30, 27 weeks pregnant with triplets, as far as we know, two of them conjoined."

He manages to answer all your following questions correctly and you have to admit he appears promising as a doctor.

"Impressive presentation. What's your name again?"

"Michael O'Briann," he smiles proudly and you wouldn't be caught dead thinking that, considering everything in your life right now, but if anyone asked you, you would say he wasn't bad looking.

It is almost like the good old times (good in comparision to this) – the familiar feeling when you pass Miranda Bailey in the hallway, eating lunch with Callie...Seattle Grace (again, you have to remind yourself it's Grey Memorial now) rumour mill didn't disappoint and everybody knows you're back. Anyway, casual talking with Callie again feels good. Except for the topics, because they aren't too delightful, but they are mirroring the life of you both after all.

"It has not been easy, but...with Arizona...we're hopefully getting over it. You know, she has a new prosthetic leg and it still feels somehow...alien to her. I can't really blame her, can I?"

You really don't have any proper response to that, so you just shrug a little, sipping your greenjuice. Callie later talks about Derek still having some problems with his hand and when she mentions Mark – something about him being discharged from the hospital but not yet cleared to work, so he has nothing to do and spends an annoying amount of time in Callie's apartment, but she can't really blame him for not wanting to be alone – you wish she would just change the topic. But then finally comes a question you've been expecting, but kind of dreading:

"Addie, may I ask...why did you return to Seattle after all those years? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we're finally gonna be meeting more, but...why?"

"You know, it's just...everything is changing and I don't really know how I feel about my life anymore. We broke up with Jake and...I went to LA in the first place because I wanted to have a baby," now your eyes light up, "And now I have Henry, who...he has brought more happiness to my life than anybody ever has."

But of course, Callie is not stupid and she has her suspicions it's about more. Especially with you calling her all the time in the past few weeks and never forgetting to ask how Mark was doing. But she decides it would be better not to say them aloud now. It is not typical for Callie, normally she's very outgoing and willing to say everything that's on her mind at the moment, but this is a really sensitive subject. Anyway, she informs you:

"Mark has an appointment with Yang tommorow. I was thinking...maybe if you want to see him..."

You say to yourself it would be a whole lot safer if you just avoided him, but you are more than aware it wouldn't quite serve the main purpose of your return to Seattle. You say nothing and after you finish your meal, neither you or Callie preoccupied with work at the moment, you both head to daycare to see Henry, Sofia and Zola.

...

"Addison...what the hell are you doing?" you ask your mirror reflection the next morning when you find yourself changing your skirt twice and your top three times. With the amount of time you're looking in the mirror, fixing your make-up and examining yourself, you realize something about this is seriously not okay. But Mark's gonna be at the hospital today. Suddenly it doesn't matter that you feel like a teenage girl preparing for the first date, that you haven't seen him in 3 months, that you can't even be sure you will meet him today and if so, whether it would be pleasant. After all, the last time you two were talking, you shouted _You should've fought for me!_ at him and then you stormed out of the room. It doesn't matter though, because today you're gonna be close to him.

###

You are aware of the fact that Addie is back in Seattle, but you don't really know how you feel about it. You just realize bumping into each other at work probably wouldn't be the best first meeting (with everything that went down recently), so you should talk to her...and apologize probably, because some of your words were really out of line...before you actually come back to work. Which will hopefully be soon because spending all day on your own, let alone in an apartment filled with haunting memories of Lexie, isn't helping you at all. You can't help yourself, you wonder a little why Addie's returning now, but you also bitterly remind yourself how she always moves. From New York to Seattle, from Seattle to Los Angeles, now back...she's probably just running from something or somebody...AGAIN. But why would she do it? She had a kid and boyfriend in LA. But Callie only said something about Addie coming with her son, she didn't mention a boyfriend at all. Could she be running away from him? You would disapprove of her remaining way to handle her issues if you didn't just remember promising yourself that you wouldn't screw up with her again. You've just gotten a chance to make it all better. You hope you run into her at the hospital today – you don't really know what you would say, but you have to start somewhere, right?

And of course, because this hospital is what it is, when you come out of the exam room where Yang was giving you an exam, you immediately see Addie in the hallway. She is writing a note to the chart at the counter and you approach her.

"Hey, how's been your first week back? Already torturing interns?"

And surprisingly enough, mainly because of what happened the last time you two were talking, she smiles a bit and then looks at you from over the glasses that are placed on her nose:

"Well, yeah...cos we're treating an interesting case and they can really learn a lot from it if they work hard enough."

"When you say so," you shrug, cos it's not like OB really interest you.

"Wilson and that guy...O'Briann look promising."

Neither is it like you had any chance to work with any of the interns just yet, so you don't really remember who is who. You remain silent, then you both throw in a few chin-chins, change a few meaningful glances, her looking as hot as always when she does that thing with her glasses on her nose, and you both avoid the subject of Callie's birthday party though you're both thinking about it.

###

„How is...how are you?" you ask and you suddenly fight the urge to touch his chest to make sure his heart is beating. You only gesture something with your hand in the air.

"I'm ok, I'm actually cleared to work," he says, "So I guess you'll see me here from Monday on."

You are a little bewildered: "Wait, you were examined by Yang, right? Is it her place to say something like that?"

"You know, she's a cardio fellow," he smirks. It's strange when you realize how much time has passed. When you left for LA, Cristina Yang was finishing her intern year.

"Huh, sorry. It's still a little strange...what about other Bailey's inte...I mean, doctors in her year?"

"I thought you knew. Meredith is a general surgeon and Karev is in peds."

Karev in peds? The first thing you automatically remember is how he once was all about plastics and a pain in the ass, when he had to be on your service in _vagina squad_. You kinda forced him to work with you because he was so insensitive and disrespectful for your specialty. Yeah, and you have to remind yourself it was also because you liked to be in his presence. But he suddenly showed a real gift for working with babies and you saw how compassionate he could be and how much talent he had. Right now you smile proudly, because you think you can take a little credit for Karev and you're sure he's gonna be a great pediatric surgeon. Actually, you should know you can take about the same amount of credit for this as Arizona Robbins. Which means, fairly lot.

When Mark sees your widened smile, he asks:

"What?"

"Just remembering how you used to say he was too soft for plastics," you chuckle.

"I was right. As always, what can I say? Anyway, I'm proud to say I've gotten a great plastics fellow this year."

"Yes? And who's that? I don't remember you speaking of anyone in their year like you were fond of them."

"When we merged with Mercy West, this guy came...haven't you met him yet? Jackson Avery."

You're trying to put together faces and names of the people you've met in previous days and times you visited Seattle before. You don't really remember who is Jackson Avery, but of course something in your mind clicks:

"Jackson Avery? As in Harper Avery's...something? A relative?"

"Grandson."

"And he went into plastics? I would've pegged Harper Avery's grandson for something more..."

"I did not just hear that," he says and you have to laugh:

"...Well, I don't even know what adjective I was gonna use."

###

You needed a lighthearted conversation like this for long, because something finally makes you feel good. When you put your hand on the counter, you feel your fingers accidentaly brushed with Addie's and for some reason you think about taking your meds when you're having lunch. Maybe it is because your heart subconsciously skipped a beat.

And you notice something like blushing in Addie's face before she asks:

"Is there anyone else from their year I know?"

"You have probably met Kepner, but I think she failed. And that's...," in associaton with that you can't keep the though of the certain person who was supposed to become a board-certified surgeon next year from coming. And along with that also an image of how brilliant she was in neuro, how great she would be working in Derek's department and in general, what a beautiful and amazing woman she was until it has all been wasted under a plane wing.

"And that's all," you look down sadly and say: "I should go."

###

For some reason you're in better mood for the rest of the day. You continue working with O'Briann and he's doing a great job.

"I'm really pleased with your work today, keep it up."

And when he's handing you the chart and his fingers linger on your hand more than they probably should, you find yourself missing that brief touch from Mark. Anyway, O'Briann smiles and he gives you a compliment:

"Doctor Montgomery, I think the work you're doing is amazing."

You smile back and say: "Thanks, O'Briann. Well, you have a good chance to learn a lot more about it so make the most of it."

And you briefly look through a chart, then you put it down, you turn around and leave to change and go home, because your shift is over. You go and take Henry from daycare and you actually meet with Callie there. She's dressing Sofia into her little coat and when she sees you, she asks you with a twinkle in her eye:

"What was that thing I saw today?"

You form a confused expression: "What do you mean?"

"You and Mark at the nurses station. That glances over your glasses...and smiles...and chattering..."

You feel lucky she didn't see your hands, cos Callie seriously has a talent in making a huge deal out of nothing.

"Callie...you can't seriously be suggesting I'd try starting something with him. Or whatever this means."

"I'm not! I'm just saying you two looked comfortable in each other's presence."

These days when people think about Mark, they also automatically think about Lexie and Callie can't avoid it either, but she tries to suppress the thought, because thinking of her best friend in pain just makes her hurt a little too. She just knows he deserves a shot at happines again and after today she is the first one out of all your friends who gets an idea of what it might be. Both you and Mark are her good friends, she knows most of your history together and she wishes you both all the best, so her automatical first thought is that there's no doubt you two will get together again sooner or later.

"You know, I don't remember the last time he actually looked happy. And this thing I saw today...it was pretty damn close."

How to even react properly to this?

"Don't be silly, I'm sure he looks happy when he's with Sofia."

"Ok, that's the only exception. But Addie...today is the first day in the long time when you two actually talked and it seemed really nice and natural almost like you do it every day."

But you suddenly frown: "Well, I certainly don't think it was nice when we actually talked the other day."

Callie very well knows you mean her birthday party and she just says:

"He wasn't himself, really."

Your eyes wander around the room when you ask almost like you want her to comfort you: "Will he ever be?"

"Addie, honestly... I don't know. But according to the words he told you, you can say he still cares."

Small smile makes a way to your lips, but you rather don't continue with this discussion. You put Henry into the stroller and you both walk out of the daycare with your babies. Though, when O'Briann sees you on your way with a stroller, he's slightly disappointed. When you come to the entrance hall, a thought crosses Callie's mind and she asks:

"Addie, and what about your accomodation? Are you staying in a hotel now?"

"Well, yeah. I should find something better, because I want a real home for Henry, but...huh, I'll see. If you find an info about a free apartment or something, let me know."

She says, "Hm I can search for something in our apartment building for example," which just makes you think of the hallway with Mark's door right next to hers and before your mind can get crazy with presumptions of what it must be like over there or just drifft to the simple little idea of him walking out of the shower dressed only in towel, you think: _Rather no_.

And she has a sick sense of humour or something because then she says:

"You know, Mark has quite a big place."

You look at her sternly and Callie has to admit:

"Okay, that was not funny."

* * *

_I hope I did their meeting justice. So, what do you think? O:) Click the 'review' button and let me know.  
__Yeah, and about my AU character Michael O'Briann...you know, there's gotta be more surgical interns then five (Jo, Heather, Leah, Stehanie__, Shane__) in one year. For example, in 1x01 Meredith said there were 20 interns in theirs. I admit I was gonna give him a bigger part, but later I dismissed the idea for the sake of writing more interactions between Addison and Mark and because it might just feel like Alex Karev all over again :p._


	9. The picture that won't fade away

_New chapter, finally. The title is from the lyrics of 'Mine Again' and Mark is the 'you' in the beggining, with ### it is switching to Addison. Enjoy:_

* * *

**The picture that won't fade away**

You've been back at work for weeks and everyday it feels a little more normal, but is it possible for anything to be normal ever again? Well, there's certaintly one thing which has become a routine for you. Visiting this place filled with quiet, massive stoneboards, seemingly posessing all stillness in the world, but in reality it is all just eerie, candlelight, flowers and...Lexie. That's the reason why you feel at peace here, in the place that most people consider one of the scariest. It's the beginning of spring now and you do your usual duties here. You light up the candles, you change the flowers in the vase so she has new and beautiful ones... When you were here for the first time and you looked at the gravestone, you really wished you knew how to pray. You were almost angry at yourself that you didn't have that ability, but you realized very soon that Lexie wouldn't care. God was your final hope when you were the most desperate, so maybe it indicated you not only believed but were putting more hope in Him more than you thought you were or maybe those were just thoughts of a completely helpless man. Anyway, now you're sure expressing to Lexie how important she was to you is all she needs. And that's why you come here every week and make sure everything looks nice, you talk to her because you want her to know everything what's been happening in life, and you make yourself feel she's actually listening to you. With sadness in your voice you speak of Arizona, because she still seems full of regret about the thing that has happened to her, and all distant. You speak of your great plastics fellow Jackson, but that soon leads into trying to suppress various painful thoughts, cos it brings an image of Jackson and Lexie together into your mind. You cheerfully speak of Derek's house because you love spending time there. For example, you were there two days ago and you've seen the nursery Derek and Meredith are setting up for their babyboy. Yes, they are having a boy and when you think about that you just can't keep the thought about the other little boy you now often see from appearing. You see Henry at Callie's, at daycare, with Addie in the hallway or...ok, but now you force yourself to stop thinking about him, cos when you do it, you always end up thinking about Addie sooner or later and that's something that can't happen at Lexie's grave. So you just make a little painful smile, once again make sure there aren't dried leaves or other mess on the grave and you say goodbye, telling her you're gonna come again in a week.

Addie started moving today and at first you were trying to play the sick heart guy-card, but you weren't really serious. Of course you seemingly try to make others do all the work, because who likes carrying all that clothes, furniture, Henry's toys and other stuff? Addie has an annoying lot of them and you can't be making Owen move them all by himself so you're helping. Well, Derek helped a little too, but these days he's just ridiculously cheerful and always rushing home to hover over his pregnant wife. So you two figured you are better off without him. It's better he spends time with Meredith and you're even something like _happy_ for him though you can't remember the last time you've felt what that word actually means.

In the end Addie's not moving into the same apartment building as you, Callie and Arizona (not that you know Callie was suggesting it), but it's actually located just down the street. It's a nice building, not too big, in modern achitecture, mostly white and grey, with big windows. You're generally happy Addie's back in the gang, it's really nice after six years of seeing her only like once a year. Of course, about nine of ten times she's with her son. It was bugging you at first, mostly because...well, because of _that_ reason, the one you hate thinking about. But now it's somehow ok. You find yourself grinning at how you all have changed...from reckless people with nothing to really worry about, to full time parents. Meredith and Derek with Zola and their expectant boy, Addie with Henry, well, Bailey with Tucker, Callie, Arizona and you with Sofia and all that. You often see Addie interacting with her son and though you don't fully acknowledge it, when you're watching Meredith doing it with Zola or Callie with Sofia, you focus on how cute the babygirls are. But when you're watching Addie with Henry, you see how she laughs happily and flings her head back while doing it, how her hair swing in the air and her spine curves slightly and other little things like that you just can't miss. When you actually make some effort and focus on Henry, you always find yourself thinking he's amazing – smaller than the girls, but the thought also crosses you mind, that he will be a perfect bud for Meredith's and Derek's son. And it just makes you laugh because Addie's son being best friends with Meredith's and Derek's is actually ridiculous idea. But stranger things have happened in the world after all. Then it makes you think about your own friendship with Derek and you tell yourself that it should be _your_ son who's gonna be best friends with Derek's. And you once again find yourself wishing Henry was yours.

The four of you just managed to finish carrying all Addie's stuff to her new apartment (you would swear she bought like hundread of new ones while moving) and you're the one who suggests with a smirk:

"You should throw a housewarming party."  
"Oh yeah, and who do you think I'm supposed to invite? Some random nurses from the hospital? You know, we could just have a housewarming party right now."

She gazes you, Callie and Arizona, who are all present, and thinks that'll just be about enough. But after a second she suggests with a smile:

"You should come with the girls soon (she somehow manages to talk really casually about Sofia and what's even more unbelievable, also Zola), I just set up Henry's room and he has got some great new toys, he will be happy to share and play together with them."

"Yeah I'm sure, but...," Callie shrugs like she's doubtful about something, "I'm not too sure about Sofia and Zola, won't Henry's toys be too boyish for them? And they're older, I'm afraid they will just think Henry's too little, they will start with their _total secret big girl's club_ and they will not want to play with him. Yeah, I know I sound like I'm just automatically dismissing the idea, but what about rather going to playground on Friday? I believe...wait, you know, what I just thought of? When Meredith's and Derek's boy is born, they will be perfect buddies with Henry! Yay, it'll be amazing!"

And you catch yourself thinking Callie is really _your person_ in the true sense of the word.

###

Your friends left and you're happily getting accustomed in your new home. But in the evening Callie comes around again and she says she wants to borrow sugar. So you hand her some from your newly opened box, assure her that returning that small amount of sugar really won't be necessarry and you two sit in the kitchen and talk a little. Among other things she randomly mentions:

"It's funny how we busy doctors all turned into parents. I mean, all more or less at once...me, you, Arizona, Mark, Meredith, Derek..."

Is there a point to this statement? 'Cos it just gets you thinking that people might assume you're gonna deliver Meredith's boy. After all, everybody knows you are the best. But you will gladly pass to it on to whoever else of your co-workers in the department. It's not like they are any less competent and after all, Connie Ryan was Meredith's OB throughout the whole pregnancy. You weren't present at any of her appointments for the sake of your own sanity. Plus, Meredith certainly wouldn't be comfortable with _you_ being her doctor out of all, and you really have no desire to watch Derek go all lovey-dovey on her.

"...By the way, how is it going with Mark?"

"With Mark? What?"

"Oh come on, Addie! Seriously, nothing happened between you two yet? I mean, you always look so comfortable in each other's presence and when I see you together, I honestly only wait when he's going to pin you against the wall and..."

Your expression is somewhere between horrified and disbelieving and then you almost roll your eyes over into your head:

"Callie, seriously?! Let me remind you, you also look pretty comfortable in his presence and you are the one who actually has a daughter with him! Still, you two are just friends. A little weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah, okay, but you see, it's different."

"You know you sound just ridiculous. How is it different?

"Hm, I don't know...," Callie pretends to be thinking intensively, "What about the fact that I'm actually a lesbian?"

You smirk, but you can't help a little sigh that comes out when you say:

"Maybe I should become one too."

Callie just chuckles and says:

"No need. You know, being a lesbian actually isn't any easier. It would be far more practical if you just admitted your feelings for Mark."

...

At the end of the day after you put Henry in his crib, you sit down in front of the TV screen and watch _some really bad TV, where people's lives are more screwed than yours_. But something is seriously twisted in the world, because while switching programs you come across a scene, where a character asks the other one:

"Do you love him?"

You smack your forehead and you can't help yourself, you just yell at the TV box:

"Yes, I frickin' do!"

* * *

_What do you think? Tell me in reviews. And yeah, you probably feel this chapter was sort of a filler, but I'd still love to hear your opinions and suggestions.  
Up next: Season 9 finale...with Maddison in it! ;)_


	10. Perfect storm

_I promised to show you what season 9 finale would look like with Mark &amp; Addison being there. So...here you are :). Addison is_ "you" in the whole chapter. It _pretty much follows the plot of this episode and it contains a couple of scenes from it, but explaining everything that happened in the episode here would really be too much information that are pointless to my story, so if you haven't seen the episode for some reason and something is not clear to you, ask me. Or just get out of this site and watch it! Though, I like my version much more :D._

* * *

**Perfect storm**

The weather can go crazy at many places across the U.S. and this time there is a big storm coming towards Seattle. That means the hospital is gonna have to function in emergency mode for a few hours when you're being surrounded by wind and rain, some extra injuries are expected to be brought in and you're sure also some random people will try to find a sanctuary and wait until the storm passes in here. Huh, you _can't wait_. The service men are making sure the back-up generators and other things are working, so you won't lose the much needed electric power and won't endanger the lives of any patients. You doctors are making sure you have supplies and that everything in your respective departments is being taken care of. And ironically enough, Meredith's water breaks during all that chaos and she goes into the early labour. And what's even more ironic, you're the one who's on call. But of course, the things in your life or Meredith's life or for that matter whoever's life here in Seattle never go as planned. So you take a deep breath and walk into Meredith's room.

"Ok Meredith, let's do this," you look at her with a small smile. Eyes of you both are indicating that you certainly didn't expect to see each other within these circumstances, but now you know personal matters have to go aside. You can behave like a greater person. Like a damn good doctor you are. You browse through Meredith's electronic chart trying to find out anything important, Derek says her contractions are three minutes apart and meanwhile another painful one hits her.

"Addison..."  
She grips Derek's hand and you look down and put on your gloves.

"I feel like I need to push. Can I push?"

"I just need to check first," you examine her cervix, but what you feel isn't good, "Meredith, I need you not to push. There's face presentation. I can feel your baby's face. So we're gonna need to do a C-section."

Meredith doesn't want to have surgery though Cristina assures her that i_t's just a C, that's barely surgery_ and _a moron could do C_, which causes you to send her a death stare and utter in stern tone of voice:  
"Yang..."

And as if it wasn't enough, the lights flicker and for a few seconds you're standing in the dark. So they start arguing whether it's good idea to do a C-section without a light and you wish Derek and Cristina would just shut up and let you do your job. One half of your wish comes true when intern Ross bursts through the door, tells Cristina to go help Richard in OR 2 and fortunately she leaves.  
Then Derek asks, indicating that he really doesn't get it:

"So, what are the risks of repositioning the baby?" and Meredith adds:

"Not minor risks, the big, ugly, scary risks, because I'm a magnet for those!"

"When I say vaginal delivery is not an option, I mean it's not an option."

"Are you saying babies with face presentation can't be born naturally?"

"Derek! It's not a good option!"

"Neither is cutting into my wife in the dark."

Yeah him rubbing into your face that Meredith is _his wife_ doesn't make you feel any more comfortable with doing the procedure, but doesn't he freakin' understand what you are saying?

"How many babies have you delivered in you career, Derek? A couple, maybe more? When I say vaginal delivery is not an option, I mean it's not an option! Now I could stand here and waste time explaining how your baby is in mento-posteric position and and pushing a baby like that would hypersthen his neck, which can be fatal, or I could better spend my time prepping Meredith and the baby for the delivery which won't endanger either of the lives! Now which one do you prefer?"

"_We're having a C-section in the dark."_

...

So here you are. With a help of two flashlights, cutting Meredith Grey's abdomen open before you will give her and Derek the reason to be so happy. You have to remind yourself all the time you can do this and wanting to get your mind off things you are just trying to talk in conversational tone:

"You two own the hospital. Can I request that OR is staffed with more than two flashlights in the future?"

"Addison, get this baby out of me safely and you can have whatever you want."

_Whatever I want. Grey, if you only knew._ You push the image of the certain person away from your mind and you listen to her and Derek discussing baby names, which definitely isn't pleasant, but nor is it as bad as you thought it would be. Soon you take the baby into your arms.

_"I don't hear him crying. Why isn't he crying?"_

And this is the first moment you feel actually scared. But you're not letting anything happen to the little boy. You push his chest a few times and seconds later when you are putting Derek's new son into his arms, he's breathing and whimpering and perfect and you feel a loose tear on your cheek.  
Still, boy's breathing is shallow and his sats are low (it's common for babies like him, who come out early) and you send him to NICU immediately. Derek decides to go with him (or Meredith decides it for Derek), when he's leaving, he places a soft kiss on Meredith's lips and that's when you realize that for some reason you don't care anymore. You continue working on her with interns Ross and Brooks holding the flashlights and this scene might even be funny to look at, if you didn't know what it is like to stand there. But you do not get to ruminate over it for too long nor finish the surgery, because suddenly an intern from OB department is standing at the door.

"Doctor Montgomery, it's an emergency. I have a mom with the placental abrubtion."

_Seriously?!_ "Ok Meredith, I closed your uterus and I just started to suture your incisions, do you trust these guys to finish?"

And when you're leaving and Meredith tells you "Thanks, Addison," you somehow find the power to say: _"Good luck mommy, congrats."_

You leave with some more tears prickling in your eyes, but you even feel _happy_ for Meredith, proud of yourself and most importantly, you focus on the next patient, who needs you.

...

_"Where__'s Meredith?"_

_"I delivered her baby hours ago, she should be in recovery."_

_"She's not. Where is she?"_

When you finish with the other delivery, you learn that Meredith had fallen down the stairs yesterday and when Ross and Brooks wanted to close her, they found out she had a massive splenic bleed. Miranda Bailey stepped in, she's back in her game and with an assist from Ross she saved her. And you know you should feel relieved, because everything's alright, but this is really too much. You blame yourself for not noticing right away and now you're sitting in an on-call room with your face buried in your hands and you feel incredibly overwhelmed.

Mark is on call today too, but they don't have much work in plastics. Well, you heard something about the tripped bus, which caused some burns, among other things, but they weren't that serious. And suddenly you hear the door of the on-call room opening and you catch the sight of him stepping in. You think it's impossible for this to be a pure coincidence, but you don't look up and you feel too tired to even care.

"You know, Meredith and her son are okay. Bailey did a great job. And so did you," his voice is so soft.

"Good. Do you want anything else?"

_I need a little more luck than a little bit_

_'Cause every time I get stuck the words won't fit_

_But every time that I try, I get tongue tied_

_I need a little good love to get me by_

_(Faber Drive – Tongue Tied)_

And what comes out of his mouth is:  
"Yes. You."

Nothing he could have said would shock you more and you finally look at him. Your blue-green orbs find his blue ones and you feel like drowning in them. Only, it's him who's already drowning in you, his eyes laying on your face, your body, all your features. He crouches down in front of you and strokes your hair reminding you how vulnerable, but at the same time incredibly safe, you always feel when he does that. And you try to say something, but you really don't know what it is supposed to be:

"Mark..."

He captures your lips with his.

And you don't believe this is actually happening, but that's only until Mark slides his arms under your scrub top, undoes your bra and then takes the scrubs off. Because this is so you two. Your hands find his belt, you take off his pants and then you put you hands on his hips pulling them to yours. Soon all your clothes are removed and though it's so you two, for some reason it is different. It doesn't feel like that sex you had on the floor of your office three years ago. It actually feels like making love.

* * *

_People...I managed to resist for 10 chapters! And what_'s more, _they managed to resist each other! ;) That deserves some reward! Well, I'd say definitely a review from you :), and I really hope you liked it, but just tell me your opinion yourself..._


	11. I want you with me

_Hi, how are you? I'm sorry for the delay in uploading this fic, but my first year-finals are really taking its toll on my activity at this website... Well, previously we've seen a Maddison-filled rewrite O:) of famous season 9 finale Perfect Storm and well...things finally moved between the two. Thank you for all the reviews, I'd like to specifically mention one I can't reply __to __personally, because it was from the guest, but it was great. And believe me, I have no idea how I resisted for so long either ;)._

_This chapter is also based on the actual episode, season 10 premiere titled Seal Our Fate/I Want You With Me. I Want You With Me is the song by LeAnn Rhimes, btw.  
Yeah, and some lines are borrowed from canon, so I don't own them. Starting with Mark's POV..._

* * *

**I want you with me**

Thousand thoughts linger somewhere in the back of your mind, but at this moment you can't and you don't want to think about anything else than the woman in your arms. That's the only thought that is important. Her soft skin pressed to yours, her red hair spread across your chest and her hand covering the place where your heart is. It seems that your heartbeat is making her calm. You don't know that, but she wanted to touch your chest to feel your beating heart since the first day she came back to Seattle. If she only knew that in this moment it is beating only for her. You'll have to discuss a thousand matters eventually, but right now lying together silently is enough and perfect. You're absentmindely running your fingers through the red locks and it feels almost magical. But of course it doesn't last long. It couldn't have been more than three minutes before Addie's pager goes off. And she abruptly gets up and says:

"It can't seriously be another woman in labor!"

She's quickly putting on her scrubs and you're sad that this kinda perfect moment ended so quickly. She smiles at you sadly, but before she walks out of the room, she leans back down and places a soft kiss on your lips.

"Go save lives," you give her an encouraging smile and she leaves.

###

When you get to the room you were paged into, your eyes widen in shock and your breath remains stuck in your throat. No, it definitely isn't another woman in labor. There's a man lying on the bed and it isn't anyone else than your favorite mentor ever. Richard Webber, unconscious, and you wonder whether you want to know anything about his codition or it's just gonna be too painful. Before you bring yourself to actually saying anything, Miranda speaks up, her voice shaking:

"We thought you should know. We found him like that in the basement. Well, actually...Derek is now operating on Heather Brooks. She...they...they were lying in the pool of water, they...they have been electrocuted and she hit her head badly."

Though maybe you are even more scared of getting the answer, you ask the fateful question:

"Is he gonna be ok?"

"I wish I could tell you, but...we don't know."

You don't remember the last time you've seen Miranda Bailey cry, but this is too much, even for her.

"So...what are you gonna do?"

You burst into crying yourself and then Cristina comes with Richard's healthcare directive file and you can hear the shock in her words, when she announces who is his healthcare proxy.

...

"I don't understand."

"Richard has designated you as his medical power of attorney."

"But he can't make me his next of kin without talking to me first."

"...He did."

Meredith has just given birth during a superstorm, had a massive splenic bleed, talked an intern through the procedure he was performing on her and now she suddenly has to decide the fate of the man, who means more to her than her own father? Like...seriously? Could this girl's life be any more unpredictable, could she have even more crap pulled at her?

But it's not like your own life is predictable and you are unfamiliar with its crap being pulled at you. And...you're, in the sense of the word, also something like daughter to Richard Webber. So you get what Meredith is probably feeling right now. Being the one to decide his fate...it must feel utterly horrible. You can't imagine what you would do in this situation. You feel like saying something, but in your current state of mind you really have no idea what's that supposed to be. Having Cristina and Miranda right here arguing about the best treatment doesn't help Meredith at all either. Plus, with all the feelings that come rushing to her because of her relationship with Richard, because of all the things she's gone through today and because she's a new mom, it hardly can be more difficult.

"You know what I was thinking before you guys came in here? I was thinking I wish my mother was here to see my kids. I was wondering if she'd make a good grandmother... But you know what that is? That's delusional thinking. Because my mother would make a horrible grandmother, because she was a horrible mother. So...I'm delusional...and hormonal. And I can't trust my delusional thoughts... I have to rely on the labs. So we need to run the lactate again and if it's above six, we're going to do the surgery. And if it's not, we're not."  
Neither of them says a word and they all leave with unreadable expressions on their faces. You're leaving too, when Meredith calls:

"Addison?"

You turn around and look at her.  
"By the way, have you sen Mark?"

You have no idea, what could she want from him, but you don't really think about it, 'cos there are particular reasons that just bring one irrational thought into your head:  
_There's no way she can know, or is there?_

You choke a little, but you manage to say:  
"I...uh, I can go find him."

Though when Meredith replies:  
"It's ok, just asking...let him work," you feel almost relieved, 'cos you're not too sure what will or what's supposed to transpire between you two after the thing that happened today .

...

But you meet him again soon, because some time later when Richard is in surgery, a big doctor's meeting takes place in Meredith's room. Mark is there also and you two don't exchange a word, but can't help catching each other's gazes all the time. Though something else is far more important now. You are all worried about your friend, co-worker and former chief and neither of you can stay back from the diccussion about his fate. He's in surgery right now, splenectomy, 'cos his lactate was 9. You almost didn't notice Derek wasn't in the room until he appears in the doorway, looking devastated. With sad eyes and tired voice he says:

"Heather Brooks died on the table."

And then of course Meredith passes their son to Derek instantly, because she knows that is one of very few things that will make him feel better now. Some people are comforting him and you still can't help always catching Mark's gaze, though you are overwhelmed with thousand other things. Like...Callie is always very vocal about her life, she doesn't keep her feelings inside, whatever they are, and right now she is shouting. She found out Arizona cheated on her, and she's devastated. Arizona actually _comited an adultery_, and with Callie emphasizing that you only feel worse, because around the time Arizona was having sex with that blonde doctor, you were actually having sex with Mark.

...

Derek's going home with Zola and you frantically count how much time is left until the end of your shift, because there's nothing you want to do more than just get the hell outta this place, take Henry into your arms and let him make you feel better. But laboring moms apparently have other plans.

Mark's shift is ending too and he's getting ready to leave with Derek. But than he looks at you like just thought of something and he asks:  
"Addie, you're not finishing for like...next six hours and Henry has been in the daycare during the whole storm, right? What about I...we take him with us and Zola to Derek's house now? They can play together, but they can sleep if they want and you know...we'll take care of him."

You pager goes off and though it's fairly normal, for you it feels really grotesque-like in that moment.  
You have no time for debating whether you trust Mark with Henry.

"Ok, right, I'll...come by later."

"We'll be there."

###

When you and Derek step into his house, you find no one else than Callie sitting in the livingroom, box of Kleenex on her knees. She chokes out:

"Um...I was...gonna go to hotel...but Mer said I should come here."

"Well, I guess I should've read those five text messages," Derek says.

"I'm...I'm sorry...Sofia is asleep in Zola's bed...I..I...I can move her, she probably won't wake up."

Derek just looks at her understandingly, he then sends a knowing look to you and he closes the door. You consider it best to stay silent and you just rock sleepy Henry a little.  
Then you and Derek manage to put both Zola and Henry to sleep somewhere and Derek sympathetically opens a bottle for Callie.  
Her eyes are a little cried out, she is a little drunk and she starts contemplating:

"Everyone I love either cheats on me or dies. Or cheats on me and dies. George did both."

"Arizona's not gonna die."

"Callie, don't be so pessimistic."

She looks at you like you're insane (though, due to her drunk-appearing eyes, the look isn't so grand).

"Yeah, you guys really know how to make someone feel better."

She rather reaches for another bottle, but then stops as if she just realized something.

"Ugh, I'm sorry, I'm drinking all your wine. You just had a baby, you should be drinking all your wine...and after what you went through tonight with Heather and...and Richard, oh my God! Why is everything so horrible?" she wails and Derek just taps her hand and tells her to go ahead, because he figures it will be better.

Some time after that Derek goes upstairs, Callie drunkedly cries on your shoulder and though your revelation probably won't help her at all, you can't think of anything better then admitting:

"You know, I slept with Addison...few hours ago."

"Yeah...about time," she says absentmindedly, then she lays her head on your shoulder again and she falls asleep.

###

Yeah, as if it wasn't enough, million other things happen during the remaining six hours of your shift – like Catherine Avery interrupting Richard's surgery, because she doesn't think his heart could handle it, but Miranda still feels there is something wrong they aren't seeing. In the end Meredith makes a decision that Miranda should go perform an exploratory laparotomy on him – and when Catherine hears, she is furious, but Richard made a damn good decision when he chose Meredith to be his healthcare proxy. Because Miranda really finds out where the problem is, she fixes it and in the end Richard wakes up knowing that he was wrong when he said he could handle anything...he was wrong about lot of things...but he was right about _this_.

...

After you finally make it through this awful shift, you're going to take Henry from the daycare, but in the middle of the hallway you stop in your tracks and realize he's actually in Derek's house. You turn around and quickly march outside, because you can't wait to see him. But on your way you also start thinking how awkward it would be. Or...you don't know. Mark's probably still gonna be there and...you don't want to avoid him, you really don't. You just aren't looking forward to your meeting, because you have no idea what is happening between you two right now. Or...is Henry really at Derek's house? Your son tops all the other worries and that's how you find yourself calling Mark to make sure Henry is okay. The phone rings twice and then you hear him saying:

"Hi, Red."

"Hi...I wanted to ask...is everything alright? I finished my shift and I...can I take Henry? Are you still at Derek's house?" You try to sound as normal as you can.

"Yes, of course. Everything is okay, come here."

But when you arrive and you see all Mark, Derek, Callie plus Cristina, who came in the meantime, you feel quite overwhelmed.  
"Thank you for taking care of him," you look mainly at Derek and of course you mean Mark too, but looking at him feels like a little too much now, "We're going home now, okay Henry?" you say when lifting up your son.

He rumples his nose, but he smiles and says a little clumsily:

"O-kay."

And you say goodbye and leave this session rather quickly.

###

"I should be going too."

You say that no more than three minutes after Addie left, which results in Callie and Derek eyeing each other suspiciously. But neither of them really says anything and you just put on your jacket, your shoes and you leave too.

_There's someone that I've been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me  
(OneRepublic – Come Home)_

You find yourself making some errands first, because you wanna do it right this time. But it doesn't take long till you're standing in front of Addie's door, ringing the bell.

She isn't all that shocked to see you when she opens the door. She still asks:

"Mark, what's up?"

But then she sees what hapens to be a bouquet of flowers in your hand and she forms a perplexed expression.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, ok," she steps aside from the door and you walk in closing it behind you.

A smirk appears on your face: "You know, I actually have no idea how to do this and it is really weird, but I figured out I would give it a try, so..."

You offer her the flowers.

"Addie, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"

* * *

_Was it too out of character? :D And please tell me your opinion on the whole chapter. :)_


	12. All the secret things you said

_Hey, finals are still ruining my life__.__ ;) I really needed a break though, that_'s why there is a new chapter. I hope you enjoy :). Thank you for the reviews on the previous one. Reply to the guest who asked if I was allowed to reviews myself: no, why would I do that? And if I want to reply to another user___'s review, I usually send a message to their account at this site.  
___The title of this chapter is from the lyrics of _'Mine Again_' by Black Lab. Addie_'s POV in the whole thing:_____

* * *

**All the secret things you said**

You hadn't believed Mark would ever do anything like that, but two days ago he asked you to be his girlfriend and it just made you smile from ear to ear. You took the bouquet of _red_ roses from his hands, shrugged and answered:  
"Why not!"

But when he put his arms around you, your lips found his ear and you whispered:  
"Of course."

He bent you back, kissed you in this all romantic fashion and when your lips parted, you just remained looking at each other, smirking, and the first thing you could think of saying was:  
"If I tell anyone this actually happened, nobody will believe me."

You chuckle and he does too:  
"Addie, this side of Mark Sloan is reserved just for you."

_I__'m not dreamin' or stupid,_

_I think I've been hit by cupid._

_But no one needs to know right now._

_(Shania Twain – No One Needs to Know)_

...

But...today reality settles in. You two are heading to the hospital to work your shifts and you don't really feel comfortable, because...well, because you feel the whole Lexie thing is still too fresh for many people and as soon as they find out, they're gonna speak behind your backs and once again, you're gonna be the heartless bitch, you're sure. But you can't vocalize your insecurities to Mark, because bringing up Lexie is unimaginable for you.

First thing you do in the morning is go to daycare with Henry and when you're walking down the hallway, Mark walks by your side and he actually carries him. Of course, few nurses notice and you two instantly become the topic of the month. When you come to the daycare, Mark sees Zola and Sofia, so he says hello to them and he makes these daddy-like gestures like tickling them or talking to them pretending to be the teddy bear he's holding. You smile, but you experience the sinking feeling in your stomach, once again reminded of what could have been. You head into the locker room together in silence, you change to the scrubs, but before either of you goes to work, he comes and gives you a quick kiss.

"See you later."

You smile, but while pulling your hair to the ponytail, you say to yourself that you will seriously need a thick skin today.

...

The first thing you do is discharge Meredith Grey.

"Addison, I can't thank you enough," she says holding her baby Bailey close and stroking his hair.

But you wave it off with a small smile and you say:  
"Thank Miranda."

Surprisingly it isn't awkward at all. Interactions between you and Meredith somehow feel a little more normal with each passing day.

...

But the pleasant feeling disappears when you're treating the next patient. At first, you walk into the room and you see a woman, who on the first sight seems perfectly okay and she doesn't look like she's pregnant. You learn from her chart that she's actually a few weeks along in the pregnancy and she was there just overnight, because of some minor problem they wanted to monitor.

"Good morning, Mrs. Carlos, I'm Dr. Montgomery. Well, I believe we might be able to discharge you today. I'm gonna prepare the papers and Dr. Wilson..." you nod toward your intern of the day, but the patient interrupts you:  
"Sorry Dr. Montgomery, but may I...discuss something with you? ...in private?" she eyes Jo and the nurse in the room. You turn to them and start forming some words, but they both understand and leave. You're anxious for what woman has to say to you.

"You know, doctor, this is..." she gestures to her stomach, "I'm pregnant with my fourth kid and...I...it's too much, I really don't believe, I'll be able to handle that. I'm 44 and I mean...Tom, my husband, he's just lost a job. And the kids don't have any grandmother nor grandfather anymore. And Lucy, our youngest...she's got problems in school all the time, she's not very well behaved. And Tamara...she's diabetic. And John...we have to pay a lot for his school. We're getting by, but...I don't know how to handle all this," she gestures to his stomach again, "I...I'm thinking about having an abortion more and more."

You don't think you've heard correctly. You somehow manage to ask:  
"And what does your husband think about that?"

She looks down, but then back at you and she answers, her voice not changing:  
"We...well, we haven't discussed it yet," this feels so familiar, but at the same time so strange and for some reason a hundread times more wrong, "...but it's not...I'm gonna tell him! I am! Just...Dr. Montgomery...do you think you can schedule an abortion for me?"

You seriously don't believe it. Well yeah, you have a history and you're an OB/GYN, so you share the opinion that women should make decisions regarding their own body, but you really don't get how can any woman just put it up like that, kill her baby for all the wrong reasons. You're 44 yourself and you would give anything to have three kids and the fourth one on the way with the husband you love. But you wasted that chance and now all you can say is:  
"Mrs. Carlos, I don't... Think about the decision some more, reconsider it, okay?"

"Doctor, I don't believe you're getting what I'm saying. I mean, do you have any kids?"

You realize the tone of your voice is really cold:  
"Yes, I do and that's why I can't imagine doing this," you don't talk about the options or whatever, because you can't think of the world where a grown-up woman with three kids doesn't know her possible choices and the possible outcomes (not that she needs anything apart from a good OB to continue monitoring the pregnancy).

"If you still decide to...abortions are normally done at specialized clinics, we don't do them here in the hospital unless it's medically recommended. And you know...if you have some other questions, Dr. Wilson will answer them," you point at the door behind which your intern disappeared and at this point you've got tears in your eyes and you leave.

And then you once again regret and lament over lots of things. You wipe your eyes carefully so you don't ruin your makeup and you head to the nurses station.

...

"...How can she be so heartless?"

"She's...trying to make him..."

"...Making him betray his love..."

"I mean...she's actually seducing a grieving man."

That's what you hear among the crowd of nurses in the hallway and you know exactly who they are talking about. You swallow the lump in your throat and when you see Miranda Bailey standing at the nurses station, you quickly walk to her.

"Hey Miranda, how's your day?"

"Addison, good thing you're here! I was hoping to see you...I have one patient, a twenty years-old girl with a massive abdominal trauma. Well, she has been in a car crash, she was sitting in the front, next to the driver, his braking was very fast which caused some damage, but still not fast enough, they hit something and she suffered a stab wound to her abdomen, We are currently working on her spleen and liver, because we found damage there immediately, we haven't paged you but...I believe we're also gonna need a gynaecologist. Can you come with me?**"**

You didn't think your day could be worse, but...hell, at least you didn't have your abdomen stabbed in the car crash! So you rush with Miranda and you somehow manage to put your full focus on the patient, because there are lots of things you aren't, but one thing you are no matter what – you're damn good at your job.

The girl really suffered a trauma to her liver and spleen, mostly due to the braking. Her stomach has been stabbed, but Miranda and Richard manage to handle it. You don't know how exactly, because you're busy trying to take control of any possible damage to the uterus or ovaries. Thankfully you don't find anything serious. Well, there is some bleeding, it looks like the thing that stabbed the girl missed one of the ovaries by just a few inches. But you manage to save it. This small victory actually makes you happier and you get through the rest of the day with genuine smile on your face.

...

But when the long-awaited end of the day finally comes and you're changing to street clothes in the attending's lounge, you are still pretty much looking forward to go home. And then Mark comes in.

"Hey, Red."

He places a quick kiss on your lips, goes to pick up the clothes from his locker, brings them to the bench next to your locker and he starts changing there.

"How was your day?"

Your head is full of insecurities regarding your relationship...or well, people's reaction to it...but you don't feel like uttering them. You talk about the girl you saved, being quite proud of yourself and when he responds:  
"That's my girl," with a smirk, you tell yourself that you don't care about the stupid talks. Only it's already like the fifth time you think that today and you have problems believing it still.

Normally you really wouldn't care, but this is a sensitive subject and today wasn't a good day, honestly. Anyway, Mark's waiting till you finish putting on your street shoes ("Seriously Addie, with each shoes you wear I think those are the highest heels you have, but you always manage to surprise me.") and then you are on your way out together. In the hallway you of course spot people who are staring at you – nurses and also doctors, staff from your department, people whom you know and people whom you don't. But they all definitely know Mark, _the plastic surgeon, who lost his girlfriend in a plane crash and he came back from the death himself._ And they most likely also know you, _the former wife of Derek Shepherd, Satan, who had worked somewhere south for five years and came back here right after Mark's girlfriend died and_...well, maybe you're being ridiculous, but those thoughts are seriously eating your insides. But when somebody points your way, Mark also notices and he simply says:

"Addie, take my hand."

"What?"

But he's not gonna let it be like this. You suddenly feel his fingers entwine with yours, he kisses the top of your head and with his words: "It's okay," you put your head on his shoulder. And then you two go to the daycare together, take Henry and go home.

* * *

_Yeah, it can_'t simply be a pure fluff. I hope I did _the people_'s reactions __justice. I_'m gonna deal with those of some particular characters in the next one. By then, please tell me your opinion. ;)___


	13. I can see you dressed in red

_Hello! This year's finals are over for me, which means I can give myself some Maddison as a reward! :D As I promised, you can see how some particular persons react to Mark's and Addison's relationship and again there are also scenes based on the canon episode of S10. I hope you enjoy ;). The title of this chapter is from the lyrics of 'Mine Again' and it starts with Addison's POV._**_  
_**

* * *

**I can see you dressed in red**

You're putting on clean scrubs in the lounge, getting ready for your shift. The owner of the neighbor locker has been back at work for a few days and you've managed to avoid her so far. But of course, that couldn't have lasted long and today she's changing her clothes right next to you.

"Feels good to be back," Meredith says, "I've missed surgeries already," you wonder when you two became buds for casual talk. But you guess it has something to do with you delivering the healthy baby boy for her. Still, what are you supposed to respond to that?

"So...good luck! I feel like I should bring you the juju right now," you smirk.

Meredith smirks too, but she lifts her eyebrows:  
"Hm, let's rather not bring up those years again, ok?"

"Sure," you chuckle and then say, "You haven't been on the leave for long, so I believe nothing about getting back to the hospital rush is gonna be difficult. Well...everything is pretty much the same."

And for some reason her expression becomes unreadable at that moment:  
"I've heard otherwise."

It only takes seconds before you figure out what she means. And you take a deep breath when she asks:

"...Are you actually together with Mark?" _...this time?_, she almost adds.

You sigh, mostly because of the fact you are very well aware of – Lexie was Meredith's sister. So the only thing left for you to do is swallow the lump in your throat and make a small smile when comfirming it:  
"Yes, we are."

And you don't know whether Meredith intends to hurt you or she needs someone to be angry at because of her sister's death or she wants to blame Mark for moving on or there's no real reason at all, but she just can't help it. She utters in a little aggrieved voice:  
"It has always been you, hasn't it?"

You get what she means, though you definitely don't understand it. After all, Mark and once also his love for Lexie have caused you so much pain.

"Grey...it definitely hasn't!" your gaze and tone of voice are so cold that you almost wonder how come she hasn't frozen to the spot. And with that you remember the moment in your bed back in LA three years ago, that ended with _I'm sorry Red.  
_If Meredith knew anything about it, she would never utter such words. And in this moment you're almost ashamed of the loose tears that make their way into your eyes. You blink them away saying:  
"You have no idea..." you don't finish that 'cos you don't think you could actually express your thoughts. So you are just gathering your things and closing your locker quickly, wanting to leave as soon as possible. But before you leave, you can't help snapping at her:  
"But how would you know? You did never have those problems. After all, with Derek it has always been you!"

You walk out of the room and the person who has once stolen your husband is calling after you, but you don't hear anything.

...

Ironically enough, during your shift you work with Derek, because you're treating the baby with the condition of hydrocephalus. You seem a little off to him, but he decides not to ask. At lunchtime you go to the cafeteria together and you think about getting over with one particular talk rather sooner than later:  
"Uhmm...you probably heard, didn't you?"

"What about?"

Seriously? Does he have to play dumb and make you define it?

"That I'm seeing Mark," you manage using completely normal and calm voice.

He sends you one a little more observing look, but then he responds: "Well, yeah."

And it just makes you ask: "So?"

Now he looks like he wishes you would just spit out whatever you have to say: "So what?"

"Are you okay with it? 'Cos your wife..."

And that's when he chuckles: "I remember Meredith refering to you the exact same way few years ago."

"Derek! ...not exactly helping!" you snap at him.

"Yes, sorry," he stops and turns more serious, "Addie, Lexie was her sister. She might need time to come around."

"That's ok, really," you say with a sigh and then ask, "What about you?"  
You can't help it, you smirk a little: "Since it's Mark and everything..."

He shrugs and you get an impression that he's going to say _Whatever_ or something similar, but this is what comes out of his mouth:  
"You know, Callie's been bugging us with it for quite a while. Everyone with eyes could see it."

How exactly are you supposed to respond to this? You just breathe out:  
"Perfect."

...

After treating the baby with hydrocephalus you admit a woman who's past her due date and is probably gonna have the labor induced in two days, you discharge one patient, you drink coffee, you write to some charts and you finish your shift. So you go to the lounge and are about to change, head to the daycare, take Henry and go home, but of course, you run into nobody else than Meredith Grey at the lounge again. You are both getting dressed in silence, but after a minute Meredith says in unsure tone of voice:  
"I'm sorry about today."

And you look at her, not believing what you just heard. And the only thing you manage to respond with is:  
"Yeah..."

You're kind of sorry too. For bringing up Derek and other things. Mostly for Meredith's loss of her sister. But this is strange for you both. And there comes a moment when Meredith actually thinks about wishing you well with Mark, but she doesn't see herself actually saying it.

Neither of you is there just yet.

...

Few days pass by and you are attending a wedding. Well, April is getting married to the paramedic Matthew, so almost everyone you know from the hospital is invited. You and a bunch of your co-workers are at her parents' farm and you realize that the one thing you may be the happiest about right now is that you can clutch to Mark's arm as much as you want, he can gently put his hand on the small of your back and when people look at you, nobody's expression is doubtful, shocked or disapproving. You two are actually a _couple_. And in Mark's case, the thing he's most happy about is your _red _dress. You also believe it was a good choice, it somehow doesn't clash with your hair (not that Mark would notice or care) and it actually makes you look even more radiant. And he can't tear his gaze from you and stop thinking about the fact that he gets to take the dress down at the end of the day, which makes him even happier.

But the way this wedding goes is...hmmm, you can't find better word than interesting, but that's actually the understatement of the century.

###

You grin and nod approvingly at your protege's actions. Yeah, you don't go overboard with caring, but you've grown to really like Jackson Avery. When he stands up and says he loves April in front of everyone, you feel something like pride, because the guy followed _your advice_. And he did it better than you after all, because he started chasing his own _Red_ sooner. And when the couple runs out, hand in hand, the whole barn falls into silence. But it only lasts a few seconds, before it bursts into chat about everything, shocked, horrified, entertained.

...

"Nice work," you find yourself saying, "Now I kinda feel I should have done this at your and Derek's wedding. Huh, running off with the best man would be even cooler than this," you smirk, but later you will realize that there is a much deeper meaning behind those words.

Addie laughs and smacks your arm: "You're impossible!"

...

After shocked people coming back to their senses, some serious awkwardness happening around you, someone making sure that Jackson and April really took off and some people grabbing food from the table at the back of the barn, you (along with a few others, mostly your co-workers) decide the show is over and it's for the best to go home.

###

In the meantime you get an emergency page from the hospital and you're pulled into surgery. Well, it's gotta be serious when they need you, you're supposed to have a day off. That really sucks.

"Should I go take Henry from the babysitter for you?"

"Uh...I think she supposed we were going to need babysitting for the whole day, I remember her saying she's taking the kids to the ZOO or something...so no, it's ok."

"Ok...when you finish and you're taking Henry, give him a...a pat on the back from me! Or I guess _you_ can give him a kiss, he probably won't feel uncomfortable with that," Mark smirks, "And come over to my place later."

You smile back, though not quite getting what he just said. You change and rush to the hospital. And only after you've taken care of the case, you allow yourself to think about everything that has transpired today. The kids were with the babysitter and when you finish treating the case and come to take Henry with you, you give him a big kiss and also a pat on the back. And for the first time ever you find yourself wishing you could tell him that one was from _daddy_.

...

Later you head to Mark's, Henry telling you (in his super cute lispy way) about how giraffes are the best, but he also likes monkeys and lions. When you come by, Mark immediately tries to get the newest information and rumors about Avery, Kepner, the whole fiacso that was the wedding, everything and everyone from you.

"I never realized you were such a gossiper!" you laugh, "I'm afraid I have to disappoint you, there were only like one or two people who attended the wedding. I don't really know much. I'm giving it like...two days until it all spreads around the place, people start speculating and so."

But then you think about something else. And you can't help it, you sit at the couch next to him and start:  
"You...you said you should have done what Avery did. And it's been forever since my wedding. Mark, does that mean...," why does asking this question feel so difficult? It should be easier, _damnit!  
_"Does that mean you had feelings for me already when I was getting married to Derek?"

###

You breathe out. You didn't expect this. What you said – about standing up at her and Dereks wedding – ...it was somehow automatic. But it still means..._what?_ You're not sure. And you just say:  
"Red...," the thought crosses your mind, that probably every man who has ever been around Addison for longer that a few moments must have had feelings for her. Contemplating about those events from years ago is kinda strange and it takes you a while to form a response:  
"I...I haven't recognized them until much later, but...yeah, I definitely had. Since the first day I saw you."

...

And then it's all _You're such a fool!_ and lamenting over missed opportunities (from both you and her). And when she forms the words:  
"Mark...I love you," you have to clutch your heart, because you're suddenly aware of your medical condition. Because she has never told you this before. Because you know she means it. Because it makes your heart beat too fast.

"Mark! Oh, my... Are you hurting? I...should I call someone?"

You didn't mean to frighten her. You really didn't, it's just... she stands up, but you catch her arm soon enough and pull her back to your side:  
"It's alright, Red," you kiss her and then say: "I'm defnitely not hurting."

And when her lips curl into a smile, you remember that you forgot something.

"I love you too," her smile widens and you have to say: "Even though you'll give me a heart attack one day."

_If you want him to be_

_Always by your side_

_Take his hand tonight_

_Swallow your foolish pride_

_(Vonda Shepard –Tell Him)_

She playfully smacks your arm once again and neither of you can say you wouldn't have it any other way because you would, you would change so many things if you could, but being here like this still makes you truly happy. Though it's far from perfect, there are moments when life feels exactly like that.

* * *

_Opinions, please? :)  
Just in case, I found more versions of 'Tell Him', so it isn't only sung by Vonda Shepard, but also Linda Ronstadt, The Exciters or Glee cast :)._


	14. Baby, I think I wanna

_Hi, girls (well, I don't believe there are any guys reading this fic, but if I offended somebody, I'm sorry) __;)__. How are you doing? About this chapter...at first please imagine a slight time jump (well, like a few months) since the previous chapter, because I felt like moving somewhere to this point with the story. I hope you enjoy!  
Mark_'s POV.__

* * *

**Baby, I think I wanna...**

Sitting in the park with Henry on your lap, watching Derek with Bailey, who's first birthday is in a few days, you wonder where has time gone. How you and Derek ended up here, possibly in happier place than ever. And when you say you're watching him – yeah, what he's performing with Bailey is quite a comedy. Well, similarly to you, he has his boy sitting in his lap, and he's trying to teach him to drink tea from a plastic mug instead of a bottle. He started out really confident, but now he appears to be so desperate, that it is just grotesque. Derek is always so perfect with children, but at the first glance you can see that Bailey decided not to cooperate today and the tea ends up spit all around him everytime. Derek's shirt is all wet and you even had to wipe a little bit of Bailey's tea from Henry's nose. When Derek catches your grin, he looks at you the way that you get an impression he would love to just throw the mug in your face. Zola and Sofia are playing on the grass, they have a doll, a hairbrush and a hairclip, which most likely belongs to one of their moms, but hey, they just have to make the doll (Joanna, as Sofia proudly announced to you) look pretty. You see that Derek has most likely given up, and you two just start talking casually about current World Football Championship in Brazil. Then you ask how is it going with his brain mapping project. You might even be a little bit jealous of Derek, 'cos he has always been the golden boy, who rocked in everything he put his hands on. This time it isn't any different and even the White House is interested in his work. You really don't know how you manage not chewing his head off, but you guess Derek is one of the few people who's successes you are genuinely happy about. The other ones are of course Addison, then Callie, Arizona, well, Meredith and finally Jackson. You wouldn't look him in the eye and say it just like that, but you think your plastics fellow is really talented and good at his job. Plus, he's a good man and now you have one more reason to be happy for him. You remember how you kinda admired what he did at April's wedding to Matthew few months ago. Well, he has gotten his reward – now April is his wife and they have a baby on the way. It makes you think how lucky some people are to just have it all, but since Jackson is one of the people you can be genuinely happy for, you are not dying of jealousy.

You and Derek talk how you were thinking about taking your women to the cinema to watch a movie together, but you laugh the idea off very soon, because even if you found something they would like (not a total chick flick, but not a thriller like Into the Storm or something similar that's on at the moment, that only you and Derek would enjoy either), you realize there's no potential chance of convincing somebody to babysit all the kids at once. Of course, Sofia would be with Callie, but it's really improbable she would also take the other three. And then there once again comes a reflexion on how funny can life get sometimes. Thinking about how you two ended up here, with 4 kids and more importantly with your respective women, always brings smirks to the faces of you both. And then you feel like asking something...something you've been thinking about for days, but for many reasons you've not yet gathered the courage to actually mention it. And after one big swallow you remain silent. Later you both just do the usual park-visiting stuff, you dangle the kids on the swings, you buy Zola and Sofia icecream and then you go home. You wonder why you haven't moved in together with Addison yet. But it has somehow never really bothered either of you, though you both thought about it a thousand times. But neither yet felt the need to ask and it doesn't really matter. It is all coming up with something much greater.

...

And the next day you're visiting the graveyard again. You still go here like once in two months, because you care too much and just not coming is out of question for you. You know you'll visit this place for the rest of your life. Because you really loved Lexie and you would never stop if the fate didn't intervene – hell, you think you will never stop, it will just be a different kind of love – but one day you found yourself letting go of that image you told Lexie about when she was stuck under the plane. Because however impossible it seemed and sometimes still does, your life went on. And even though in a way you're always gonna love Lexie, with time you understood it was possible to love somebody else too. The person that is just so perfect that you can't not love her. And just like that you realize you can't say Lexie is the love of your life, because...that honor has always belonged to Addison. The woman you've known for more than the half of your life and you have loved her for most part of it. The woman you work with, kiss, snuggle and do lots of other things with everyday, and with whom you've been happy for months now. You look at Lexie's gravestone with tears in your eyes, trying to convince yourself that she would want you to be happy. And then you brush the stone with your hand, say goodbye and leave.

...

Addie never visits the graveyard with you, but she doesn't say anything about you going there so often, because she gets it is something you just need to do. And for you it really feels like a different world outside this place, because when you cross the gate back, you joke with Derek and Callie, you're great at your job and really, you kiss, snuggle and do lots of other things with Addie and it feels totally right. It isn't perfect and of course you fight occasionally, but you never think about Lexie during your fights anymore nor you bring up Addie's abortion or sleeping with Karev ever again. And when you play with Sofia, Henry, Zola and Bailey, you always get a feeling that, even through you're really fond of Derek's kids, there is something different about Sofia and Henry. Of course, it's understandable with your biological daughter, but when you hold Henry, he feels so similarly _yours_ that it almost scares you.

...

And when you're sitting with Derek at Joe's that evening, you remember the matter you thought about discussing with him few days ago. Because Addie was celebrating her birthday last week and just like that you realized that there was...there is one present you really want to give her. But you're sure you are gonna have problems with choosing the right one and you find yourself asking for Derek's help. It would certainly be unimaginable for a person who knows the whole story of you and Derek, but doesn't know, what kind of relationship you two have. And even through you are not too sure with the outcome, you still do it. Because this is Derek and you don't think you ever had closer relationship with anyone else.

"I never believed a day would come, when I ask you this, but you have more experience with it, man..."

"I have more experience, you say? Well, it probably isn't anything related to women," Derek chuckles, sips his drink and waits for what you have to say. You laugh too and reply:

"I hate to admit that, but it is." But then you turn serious: "Don't flatter yourself just yet. What I need help with is...hm, it's something you actually did twice. Yeah, and once it was...oh, shit..."  
It's not like you didn't realize you are asking him about his ex-wife, it just feels a hundread times stranger when you have to actually say it, "Hm, and it was with Addie once, which is what I'm planning to do, so well..." your words don't come out exactly easily, "I could use some help."

And Derek laughs: "According to your ramble, I would think you want to propose to my ex-wife."

You are silent for like two seconds, but then you raise your eyebrows: "And the winner iiiis..."

"SERIOUSLY?"

"Come on, do I have to ask for your permission or what?" You mean to sound amused or something, but you realize your words came out in really protective tone.

And Derek shrugs: "Of course not, it's just..." _one of the strangest things I've ever heard._ Really there can't be too many things weirder than imagining your best friend proposing to your ex-wife.

"Ok, what do you need help with? And it's not that I'm not shocked and won't bombard you with thousand questions later, right now I just don't know how to form any of them, so I'm trying to be constructive here," he smirks and you breathe out and grin a little:

"Wow, this goes more smoothly than I thought it would. I believed I'd be on the ground bleeding by now."

"And why would that be?"

"Oh, sorry man, I forgot you only ever punch me because of Meredith," you then say and Derek looks sideways reflectively:

"Yeah, that's true."

In his mind he sees himself punching you instantly when he saw you hitting on Meredith the first day you came to Seattle. He also remembers how he knocked you down after you told him you were seeing Lexie when Derek promised Meredith he'd keep you from doing so. And then he realizes – _oh, Lexie! _But he knows better than bringing it up and he just asks:

"And are you sure you want to do it?"

"My days of manwhoring around are over, you know," you smirk, but your expression soon fades, because you realize Derek meant to imply something else with his question. Yeah...of course you thought about it, and when the idea of buying a ring for Addison first crossed your mind, it really felt like betraying Lexie big time. But you've been in relationship with Addie almost for a year and you've always had remorses because of Lexie, but at the same time you understood that there was no point in having them. If it only was that easy. So then you were all torn apart. And then one day you realized you are getting over it. You've gone through these feelings a thousand times, really.

"Yeah...I'm sure. No offense, but I want to stay with her longer than you did."

And at that moment Derek really feels like sticking his tongue at you or making some similarly childish gesture. But he just raises his eyebrows again and then he asks you:

"Ok. So...what do you need help with?"

"Uh...probably that thing with...engagement ring. I mean, Addie has all kind of rings, so I don't think it's possible to give her something like...unique. What if she looks at her hand or in her jewellery-box or I don't know where and she doesn't remember, which ring is the engagement one?"

With that Derek cracks up and between the laughs he manages to say:

"Man, you are screwed."

Of couse he doesn't mean it. You probably didn't really mean that thing about Addie not remembering, which one is her engagement ring either, but you've never done this before and you feel like you have no freakin' idea about what you're doing.

"Plus, are there more sizes of rings or something? This is seriously too girly stuff for me," you use the tone of voice like you don't care, but deep down you want nothing less than perfect for Addie.

"Yeah, I briefly remember when I bought a ring for her," Derek says casually, "I think the normal sizes of rings for women are around 54 or something...you should ask the jeweller about it. Just draw a circle around one of her other rings and take the paper to the store with you. I don't really know about Meredith's ring, cos it belonged to my mother. And it fitted. Though I don't remember the latest time I saw her wearing it," he laughs, "You know she isn't the rings type of girl."

"Yeah, Addie is the complete opposite, I believe. She cares about every little detail of her appearence and she's just perfect and..." Derek coughs a little for obvious reasons and you weren't intending to mock him. You really weren't. You just feel a wave of pleasure when saying to his ironic-looking face:

"And I love that about her."

And Derek really can't think of anything else to say then:

"When Mark Sloan comes back, let me know."

You roll your eyes, but then you grin:

"You know, he's coming back with Addison Montgomery-Sloan by his side."

"Wait, wait...let's not go ahead with confidence!" mockery can be heard in his words, "That would be_ if_ she says yes to you!

"Oh, come on! She once said yes to _you_, it can't really be hard. Plus, if I remember correctly you were going on and on about how nervous you were about your proposal and you changed the plan of doing it thousand times."

Derek just rolls his eyes and when Owen comes to the bar to order another beer, he says:

"Hey Hunt, how was your day? Sloan's proposing."

And you pierce him with your glare, but you can't say anything, because you remember very well, that you did the exact same thing to Derek before his proposal to Meredith.

"Here you go," he mutters.

_Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you_

_(Bruno Mars - Marry You)_

* * *

_Your thoughts? Suggestions? :)_


	15. All of me loves all of you

_I kinda love this chapter ;D._

* * *

**All of me loves all of you  
**_(title from the song All of Me by John Legend)_

Perfect day so far – at first you were treating a woman whose Fallopian tube burst due to an ectopic pregnancy, then they brought in victims with various injuries from a bulk car crash, which got pretty much all the surgeons on the floor busy, and it isn't even 10 a.m. yet. You really aren't in the mood for any more emergencies today. When you finally get a short break, you realize you just have to update plenty of charts. So you go to the nurses station (no wonder that you pass a number of yawning people in scrubs with tired eyes), you open one chart and try to study it, stretching your arms and legs in the meantime. And while doing it you almost punch the person who approaches you from behind.

"Hey, watch out!" Meredith Grey says and then she leans against the counter next to you, "Great day, huh? Coffee?" she asks while drinking coffee herself and waves in the direction of the automat indicating she can go get one for you. Because you two have developed something you could call friendship.  
You still say: "No, thanks," Meredith shrugs and continues drinking from her cup. Then you rush into surgery on one of the car crash victims who suffered a massive abdominal trauma, but you and Bailey manage to save all her important organs. And then your day thankfully finishes being stressful. You can't say you aren't looking forward to going home and to spending time with your boyfriend. Mark has the day off today and you find yourself thinking you even miss him in a way. Or maybe you're just looking forward to tomorrow because it just coincidentally happens that neither of you is working. But before you finish your today's shift you catch up with Derek during the lunch break, him being all enthusiastic about his new brain-mapping project. After that you treat a very anxious teen girl with a pregnancy scare, you have to deal with her even more anxious parents and it all just gives you a funny feeling in the stomach. And then your shift is finally over and after you and Miranda get dressed in the locker room, you both go the same way – to take your sons from the daycare. Well, Tuck is normally at school during the day (yes, he's that big already...not that you still don't feel like you delivered him yesterday), but since it's Saturday, both Miranda and Ben were working and they didn't manage to find a babysitter for him, he was forced to spend the day at the hospital.

"So...did you meet any children your age?" Miranda asks with a smile, but Tucker just grimaces and says:  
"Not really."  
And then Meredith comes, ready to leave with her children, you all talk about what kind of day you had and it just makes Miranda chuckle and say:  
"You know, I never believed I'd bond with co-workers – especially my former interns – over kids."

...

Then you part ways and go home. And when you come into the hallway of your apartment building, you actually find Callie who's obviously waiting for you there.  
"Hi, Cal. What's up?"  
"Hey, Addie. I...I was given a duty. Mark asked me whether I could take care of Henry tonight. He apparently has other plans with you."  
It really isn't the first time something like this happened, so there's nothing all that strange about it.  
"Hm, and should I dress up or something?"  
"Probably," Callie says with a smirk. But you still feel kinda bad for her. She's always taking care of whatever you and Mark need, looking after Henry and all that.  
"Callie, and are you okay with it?...I mean... next time you need to watch Sofia, be sure to let me know! I think..."  
"You know Addie, it's alright," and then she takes your son from your arms and tickles him, "We will have fun, won't we, Henry? ...Okay, we'll be at my place, no problem with him staying with us until tommorow."  
"Tommorow? Callie, that won't be necessary, I'll just..."  
_Trust me, you'll have other things on your mind_, Callie thinks, but she just winks at you and says:  
"It's okay, have fun."  
And really, you think Callie shouldn't put up with this all the time from you two and you would tell her she should've just sent Mark to hell and all that, but not tonight.

###

And when Callie walks downstairs with Henry, she pulls out her phone and calls you:  
"Yeah Mark, all set," not that you can see her expression, but when she tells you, "I'm really proud of you," she has a huge grin plastered across her face and you can almost hear the glee in her voice.  
"Good luck!"

...

You aren't sure what kind of day Addie had at work, but there's no better time for this. Everyday is the same. Patients, traumas, struggles, in your case boob jobs and in Addie's case babies. And according to Callie's call, Addie seems to be in the mood for spending the evening with you. And you're gona make damn sure it will be worth it. You don't feel like making big cheesy gestures, but all day you tried to come up with something romantic she would like, 'cos even through she's gone through an awful lot of crap with you and you two are crazy about each other anyway – at least you feel that way and for once you have no reason to believe Addie doesn't – she just deserves her amount of romantic. After all, she's still just that perfect girly girl. You just have no freakin' idea about romantic gestures and you ended up dismissing like everything that came into your mind in the past few days, because it all seemed stupid. If you lit up some candles in your apartment, Addie's apartment (hopefully there's gonna be just one apartment soon) or wherever else, with your luck one of them would just trip and set the place on fire, you're sure. Then there was of course the classic idea of taking her somewhere to restaurant, but it seemed too conventional, plus you want it to be a special moment just between the two of you. Taking her somewhere to nature would feel like too much of a Derek's thing, plus you can't say either one of you is really a nature-loving person. And then there was this artistic idea of making up some wanna-be-theatre. You would fake you have some sort of medical emergency with your heart or whatever and you would make your _co-star_ (probably Callie, you know you should give her a break, but she's just always the best choice whatever you need to cover for) go get Addie, but it would just frighten her. And even if you stopped clutching your heart when she came closer, stood in front of her and said something cheesy like:  
"Addie, I have a broken heart and you're the only one who can fix me. And I wanna be healthy for the rest of my life. Will you save me? Will you marry me?" and then you'd pull out the ring, she would still be all distraught and you don't want her to feel that way when she's saying _yes_ to you. You smirk, because you just _know_ what her answer would be. And that's how you decide to do it just like Derek proposed to Meredith (of course you don't know that, but you two think similarly, you're brothers after all and it's both comical and ridiculous how alike your relationships with these two women are in some aspects). You won't aks her, you will just tell her how you feel.

...

Callie called you that it is _All set_, so you're getting ready. You honestly have no idea when was the previous time you so badly wanted something to work out. And you don't want to look slack, 'cos you're sure Addie will be all pretty and everything. Not that she has to make much effort. That's why – even if you were toying with the idea of simply wearing jeans and T-shirt (after all, Addie loves your black T-shirt) – you put an effort in it and right now you're wiping your sweaty hands to your suit. You take a breath and walk out of your apartment, clinging to the idea that after today Addison will be yours forever. You walk down the street, enter the building she lives in and then pull out the key to her apartment. When the key turns in the lock, you open the door and Addie is standing in front of you, being possibly more beautiful than ever. She's just breathtaking, lights twinkling in her eyes and when you place a small kiss on her lips and give her the white rose you were holding, she asks:  
"Hey, where are we going?"  
"It's a surprise," you wink.

###

Now you really don't know whether to be curious or scared, because Mark's surprises tend to be quite strange sometimes. Also, you're a little confused when you don't see his car outside and he just walks towards the building he lives in. You don't say anything though and he's holding your hand tightly like he never wants to let you go. You can sense something like...magical in the air. It isn't until you two step into his apartment till you chuckle and raise your eyebrows:  
"You know, I'm actually pretty familiar with your place."  
He gives you the response: "That's not the point."  
_What the hell is happening here?_ "So, aren't we going anywhere tonight?"  
And for a reason his smirk feels somehow assuring, when he says: "Trust me, you don't want to."  
Really, you don't. Because today is supposed to be about you and him and...but you still ask:  
"Hm, and why would that be?"  
"'Cos at first, I have amazing dinner for you right here. Well, I still have to finish cooking this," he gestures towards the stove, "But in the meantime...come over here with me."  
He puts his hand on the small of your back and walks you towards the balcony. And when he opens the door and you look at the sky, for some reason feeling more comfortable than ever, he says:  
"Huh, I actually ordered a falling star for tonight, but...," his arms make their way around your waist and you feel like you should get used to it. You watch the stars with your back pressed to his chest and he continues "...I'm sure they messed it up. Still, Addie, make a wish."  
He's trailing kisses down your neck and you lean into his chest more and capture his hands placed on your stomach with your own.

And after a moment of silence he starts speaking again:  
"I have a wish too..."  
"You know, it won't come true when you say it out aloud."  
He just laughs: "I pretty much doubt that."  
And then he turns you around in his arms so you're facing him.  
"Well, I have to tell you this one to make it true."  
He pulls out a small box from his pocket.

_What it takes I don't care  
We're gonna make it I swear  
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again  
(Faber Drive – Tongue Tied)_

And it's like you forgot how to breathe.  
"I wish you let me take care of you for the rest of our lives. I wish you become my wife...Addie, marry me."  
You are not sure why there are tears in your eyes, but you manage to stutter:  
"Mark, I..."  
But when he opens the box revealing what feels like the most beautiful ring you've ever seen, you feel you also forgot how to speak. And it takes a few seconds till you come back to your senses.

"Yeah, I want to marry you! I...I...I...!" you just throw your arms around his neck and he's grinning like crazy.  
And you know an incredibly large stone fell from his heart, because he chuckles:  
"You know, I'd expect something totally romantic like _I love you and you're the last man I wanna say that to_ from you."  
And this time you look at him with an apologetic smile:  
"Don't flatter yourself. You actually aren't..." Mark frowns a little but when you add, "You know, I'm planning on saying it to Henry quite a lot in the years to come," he smiles approvingly.  
But before he has a chance to say anything, you know this is the moment to reveal it. It is so incredibly frightening, but at the same time, it makes you happier than anything.  
You take his hands and bring them to touch your abdomen.

"And the same thing applies...if this baby turns out to be a _he_, then..."  
And then you say the words you weren't meant to utter ever again, but they're here, so real and so true, it makes you burst into even more tears of perfect happiness.  
"Mark, I'm pregnant."

He is completely stunned. You can tell, because the only word he manages to utter is a little dumb and insanely cute:  
"Seriously?"  
"Seriously!"  
You are close enough to laughing, but before you know it, Mark is kneeling on the ground in front of you, his arms embracing your waist, and he's placing kisses all over your belly. This is SO corny. At least he then stands up, because he remembers to actually slide a ring onto your finger. And he kisses you hard and lifts you up. You wrap your legs around his torso, he carries you to the bed and when he puts you down, you laugh:  
"What about your amazing dinner?"  
He replies:  
"Oh Addie, you really know how to ruin the perfect moment, don't you? Well, the stove is gonna turn itself off and...if you want, I can bring you..._both..._," his eyes light up, "something right here to the bed then. Hm, and I got lots of great alcohol, but there's no way I'm letting you drink any of it now."  
He winks and you think you will happily let the proud father-to-be drink all of it on his own, but now you have more important things to take care of. Your hands reach for the suit he didn't need at all.  
"But at first..."  
You loosen his belt and he immediately unzips your dress.

"I...I feel like shouting from the rooftop right now! I wanna the whole world to know I'm so happy! That I have the most amazing fiancée and we're having a baby and...I'm so freakin' happy! I want the whole world to know that!"  
Your tongues fight against each other passionately, your legs are wrapped around Mark's torso again, your baby placed in between you two, and you say:  
"I want that too."

* * *

_You must have known I was gonna do this! ;D Although I really didn't want it to be completely obvious, so even though you can find little hints throughout the whole chapter, I hope it was at least a bit of a surprise :). Well, __for Mark__ it certainly was. You probably recognized the hinted line (in italics) from actual PP and I really didn_'t mean to mock ___Addison_'s proposal to Jake____, I just feel THIS is how it should_'ve been. Yay, I feel so happy now :D. Because Mark and Addison have the right timing for once. Don_'t worry, I will give you a flashback of how Addie found out in the next chapter._  
If this wasn_'t enough to make you review, than I don_'t know what! O:) But if it happens that you didn_'t like something, please tell me too.______


	16. The seeds will give a tree

_Ok. They_'re having a baby. Where are your reviews? :p__

__As I said, this chapter is mostly a flashback of how Addie found out, because you can be sure it was something between astonishment and shock for her. The title of this chapter is from the lyrics of Seeds of Gold by Aaron. ____Enjoy ;)__

__Yeah, and April being pregnant is canon, but for the purpose of this story I left out Calzona season 10 baby-drama, because it would just be too much and frankly, I think Callie and Arizona have enough on their plate and they really don_'t need another baby.___

* * *

**The seeds will give a tree**

_You are kneeling next to the toilet bowl for the third morning in the row. And it isn__'t just that__. You__'re an OB/GYN, it should be completely obvious to you. But being pregnant...after all that time you've given up on that dream. For years it has been your only goal. But after everything, all the struggles and failures you understood that your dream wasn't supposed to come true. And you've come to peace with that fact, because Henry, your perfect little boy, helped you understand it is possible to love a person with your whole heart, even though it's a baby that hasn't grown inside you. He took your breath away when you held him for the first time and you instantly knew you wanted to do it for the rest of your life. You just knew he was your baby. And when you had the chance to tell that little girl in the park the words „I'm Henry's mom," you felt just as proud as when you were first called _doctor Montgomery_. You have finally given up on that impossible dream and Henry has brought so much happiness into your life. And yeah, you stopped properly keeping track of your cycle and if you didn't, you would be a whole lot more anxious right now. But after all, as an OB/GYN – an OB/GYN in her forties, for what it's worth – you know how low the possibility of conceiving in this age is, even for the women who don't have your medical history. And that's why the thought doesn't even cross your mind – because, without it being said explicitly, you just _know _it isn't an option._

_..._

_At work you're giving April Kepner the regular 16 weeks check-up. It means she's out of her first trimester, you are scheduling a screening Tripple test for her, her baby is beginning to react to the sounds and light, though his or her eyes are still closed, and is moving quite a lot, though at this stage most mothers don't feel it yet. You tell her all this and, with an ultrasound wand in your hand, you also ask:  
_"_If the baby is in a good position, we might be able to see whether it is a boy or girl today, do you wanna know?"_

_..._

_And minutes later you are announcing with a smile:  
_"_Congratulations, you're having a girl."_

_The faces of both April and Jackon, who's sitting by her side, break into wide smiles and you can feel the glee in the air. Really, this is why you love your job._

_..._

"_And how are you feeling?"_

"_Well, I__'m hungry all the time, the nausea has thankfully ceased, in past three months I was kneeling by the toilet bowl every morning. Yeah, and also noon and evening quite often..." there's a reason this gives you a funny feeling in your stomach. You gulp a little and April continues, "Yeah, and I feel more relaxed, the mood swings aren't as bad as before."_

_You're supposedly barren, but you deal with pregnant women every day. So why do you imagine (or something) yourself experiencing all those things and it almost brings you to tears? _

_..._

_By the end of the day you manage to chase away the thought, but when you wake up the next day with an incredible urge to throw up, it crosses your mind once again. You know you would just end up disappointed, but for some reason you can't really let go of it. Though you manage to resist for two more days before you wander into the drugstore on your way to the hospital and you hear yourself saying:_

"_One pregnancy test, please."_

_And yes, you are painfully aware of the fact that to the shop assistant you must seem like you're buying it for your daughter._

_..._

_But in the hospital after you finish your rounds, you come into the restroom and trying to draw a breath, that__'s really stuck in your throat for most part, you lock yourself in the stall and pee on the stick. Thankfully the restroom is empty and you then come to the counter with sinks, put the test that seals your fate on it and look in the mirror with incredibly unsure expression and strange anxiety in your eyes._

_You know the signs. Coffee is making you nauseous, yesterday you almost threw up into a body cavity and for days you__'ve been wincing when Mark touched your breasts during sex. That's why you shouldn't be surprised at all, when you look at the test three minutes later and it is saying PREGNANT._

_But you are so shocked that your legs stop supporting you and you slide to the ground with the test in your hand. You are hypnotizing that fateful word with your eyes and you feel like laughing or crying – preferably simultaneously doing both. And at that moment the door opens and you think: __Seriously? This freakin' can't be true__, 'cos it is just grotesque. You throw the test into the pocket of your labcoat, but you guess it could've been worse, because the person standing at the door is Callie. She enters the restroom and when she approaches you, she offers you her hand. You briefly remember this is not the first time Callie is helping you get up from the bathroom floor. She asks:  
__"Addie? What's up?"_

_"Don't even ask me 'cos it is impossible to explain rationally."_

_And you really start laughing and crying at the same time. She forms a concerned expression and softly says:  
_"_Get up, okay?"_

_So you accept your friend__'s hand and with her help you stand up on your wobbly legs. You straighten your skirt and Callie asks:  
__"Addie, do you need anything?"_

_And still dealing with the shock, you find yourself chuckling with tears in your eyes:  
__"Yes, I...preferably a blood test or maybe an ultrasound, 'cos I don't believe this is happening."_

_With that Callie grins and embraces you in the tight hug._

_"Addie!" she squeals happily, "Ok, which doctor from your department should I call to do it?"_

_You have to roll your eyes:_

_"C'mon Callie, I know you're in ortho, but you don't know how to do a fetal ultrasound?!" And you can't believe you've just said _fetal ultrasound_. These words sound too good to be true._

_Callie chuckles:  
__"Sorry. Ok, I'll do it. But you'll have to instruct me a little."_

_"I will," you say with a sigh._

_..._

_So you lay down on the exam table and pull up your top with some more tears pressing their way into your eyes._

_"Ok, seriously," when you see Callie opening the tube with the ultrasound gel, you just sit up, pulling the top back down, "I can't do this."_

_"Oh, come on, Addie. Lay back down, I can't wait to see Sofia's little sibling," she says with a wink._

_When you hear that, you suddenly gasp and say:  
__"Oh gosh. Sofia! And...and Henry! How is he gonna feel if there is someone else and...what if he feels like I'm abandoning him?"_

_Callie smiles: "I'm sure you answer that question to expectant moms everyday."_

_Oh my...have you just been called an _expectant mom_? You've been dreaming of it for years, it just...the right time is long gone, and it is frightening and stunning and so unbelievable..._

_"You know, I have to tell you...your and Meredith's story are actually comically similar. I don't mean that part with Derek, but you know, how she adopted Zola and now she has a biological son too..."_

_But you start yelling frantically:  
__"It's anything but comical! It's actually ridiculous! Meredith has a hostile uterus! With a bit of luck she has a pretty good chance of getting pregnant again sometime. I had only two antral follicles left and...that was years ago! I, I..."_

_"Shhh, Addie. Please, lay down," Callie is holding the tube with the gel again and you sigh and do what you are told. Then you start in a weak voice:_

_"You remember, I first went to LA to get pregnant. And I tried for years...not even the best fertility specialist managed to impregnate me. Not via IVF, not...well, not naturally either," you just have to say that.  
Callie laughs but you continue:"I went there to get pregnant but for some fucked-up reason I actually had to come back here...come back to...Mark!" you are not sure why there is an urge to cry again. _

"_Addie!" __Callie is taken aback by your words and she asks__, "But aren__'t you happy?"_

_You gulp, but then melt completely and realize those tears are actually tears of joy._

"_I am," you breathe out with lights twinkling in your flooded eyes, "More than you can imagine."_

_And then Callie smirks:  
_"_With his sperms I wouldn__'t be all that surprised if you were expecting dizygotic twins."_

_"Callie..." this joke about Mark's sperms actually fertilizing both of your remaining eggs is anything but funny._

_"You know he has managed to get me pregnant even though I'm a lesbian?"_

_"You know that doesn't interfere with your ability to...!"_

"_Yeah, right," she smiles, "Let__'s rather take a look."_

_And when she puts the ultrasound wand on your abdomen, she turns the screen for you to read it._

_"Well, there is only one baby," you say factually when looking at the small spot on the screen – __your baby__ – and being shocked._

_And then your voice starts getting more and more excited with every word:_

_"It's too soon to figure out the sex. It...it looks I'm around six weeks along," you are actually almost shouting the last part, more stunned than ever._

_And however unreal this feels, you can't get the little blob in the screen out of your mind and you don't think you could be more happy. But that's only until two days later when you tell your new fioncé about the little one that's half you and half him, and it all gets even more amazing._

_..._

Only you two can kiss goodbye with so much passion. And when Callie sees your exchange in the middle of the locker room, not failing to notice the ring on your finger and Mark's hand lightly brushing the fabric of your scrub top around your waist, she sighs with relief (a little too loudly):  
"Oh, thank God!"

You two send her questioning glares and Callie looks at Mark and says:  
"You know how horrible it was? Keeping your secret from her, her secret from you..."

And that's when Mark asks curiously:  
"Secret? Addie, you have some kind of secret?"

He smirks and he purposedly puts his hand on your belly like he never wants to stop touching it.

"Obviously not anymore," you are very well aware of the fact that there's a bunch of people in the locker room, all of them know you two personally and by the end of the day the whole hospital will know, but...whatever. You couldn't care less. Because just like you said – you want the whole world to know how happy you are.

* * *

_I don_'t know whether Japril will have a girl, but...call it a creative license. ;) Yeah, and f_eedback is seriously like the best thing in the world! ;)___


	17. Love your curves and all your edges

_Ok, here's another chapter. It basically explores little everyday pregnancy issues, because you can be sure Addie struggles with things like not being able to wear something or so :D. So it's pretty much fluff now, but I still have some more drama in store. Right now I hope you enjoy this. The title is from All of Me by John Legend._

* * *

**Love your curves and all your edges**

...and that's how it goes. You are often happy and sad and angry and excited at the same time and your current condition naturally makes you even more senstive to your patients' feelings.

...

"Of course, some weight gain is inevitable, but still. Be careful not to put on a lot and stay away from too much fat and salt, you don't want to risk any complications for the baby nor yourself."

"Yes, doctor, I'm trying...but really, I'm having this ridiculous appetite, mostly in the middle of the night, and the craziest cravings..."

_Yeah, I know_, you think because you've recently found out that one perk of saltines is that they are great for morning sickness, but other than that they just taste really good when dipped in icecream. And pizza actually isn't bad with hot chocolate. And... Your hand flies to your still flat belly, something it has a tendency to do quite a lot these days and the woman on the exam table just smiles.

...

„My husband hates it when I'm too moody, but I just can't help it. Lately, when he doesn't take the toilet seat down or doesn't use the doormat or anything like that, I just get so mad I sometimes throw something at him. And I cry everytime I watch the news. I mean, all those car crashes and endangered species of animals they were showing yesterday or even the economic problems...you know, recession is a very sad thing...and I wanna have sex so often it's frustrating."

You think about recomending her to just stop watching the news, but then you just say:  
"You know, your husband really is supposed to fulfill all your wishes and undestand your every mood. You're carrying his baby. And sex is never a bad thing," you can't keep the devilish grin off your face, but really, this is the time when all of you should be cherished and taken care of and men should be perfectly content with every mood of yours. Thankfully, _your _soon-to-be-husband is perfect in that department. Really, when you saw that report about the new endangered species yesterday, you started sobbing and he just held you close to his chest and stroked your hair.

"_Thank you Mark. It's just...you know what, let it be. Can you bring me icecream?"_

...

And you somehow don't care about the bad juju or whatever. Mark proudly annouces to everybody that he's gonna be a father again and no matter how hard you try not to do it, you can't help caressing your abdomen most of the time. Of course it doesn't go unnoticed and when Meredith smiles at you one day and says:  
"Addison...congratulations," of course you know what she means.

"Thank you, Meredith."  
And then you remember the situation from like two years ago when the roles were reversed. At that time at Callie's birthday party if somebody told you this would happen, you wouldn't have believed him. Nor could you imagine you'd ever be this happy. But of course, you soon find out that everything has both pros and cons.

###

"Screw you!" one bright and sunshiny morning you hear the lovely voice of your fiancé shouting from the other room and you can only imagine what the problem is this time. It doesn't really bother you anymore, plus you can't help enjoying a little mockery, so you shout back:  
"I love you too, babe!"

But there is always the possibility it will start the waterworks, so you rather get up and go see her. She starts in annoyed voice:  
"Mark, this is not funny!" you find her standing in front of the mirror, "_Your baby_ makes it really difficult for me to get into my clothes!"

She is searching through the pile of clothes, dressed in her bathrobe and you feel you're definitely gonna need a new set of ideas and most likely a woman's perspective to make her feel better.

"Addie...," your hands reach for her still barely visible baby bump, "...you know, he or she isn't that big yet."

And of course you should have known better, because she snaps at you:  
"When you have a baby inside your body, you can decide how big or small it is!"

But then she sighs: "Just...everything is tight and...you know, right now it's not even the bump which is the biggest problem."

And when she takes off the bathrobe, you gasp in awe. Her boobs couldn't have grown overnight, but they look almost two sizes bigger than you remember them.

"Addie...I don't even know what to say."

But you know exactly what you want to do. Capture the fullness with your hands right now and have your way with Addie. And she knows exactly what thoughts are on your mind. When you reach for her, she crosses her arms on her chest.

"...sore, okay? Keep your hands to yourself."

And when you take the credit card from your wallet and give it to her, a big smile makes its way to her lips and she looks perfectly satisfied.

"But I want a personal fashion show of all your new bras," you smirk.

###

These days you are actually in the middle of the wedding preparations. Really, you wouldn't have it any other way and you can't wait to be Mark's wife, but of course you caught yourself thinking once or twice that the timing isn't exactly the greatest. Mainly because...

"C'mon Addie, I'd think _you_ out of all brides would be really enthusiastic about picking the dress!"

"Oh Callie, give me a break! How the hell am I supposed to pick any dress when each one is either too tight or if it's loose, it looks like a sack, or it makes everything look ridiculously evident and even if I choose a dress, I can't even be sure it fits in two months," and that's when it comes once again, "I'm turning into this ridiculous...old and pregnant bride. Actually,_ Mark's baby_ is turning me into it! This whole wedding would just be a complete grotesque. Sometimes I seriously can't believe I agreed to do it."

Callie chooses to rather not argue, patronize nor assure you for the hundreadth time that everything will be alright and she takes a breath, preparing herself for more possible yelling from you: "I found a number of these beautiful empire waist dresses and Addie, please try on a few. Trust me, it will be perfect."

You sigh and reach for the one she's holding: "You know, this is frustrating. And it's not like I want to hide it, but everybody focusing on my baby bump when I walk down the aisle or whatever...creepy even thinking about it. It's bad enough I can't hide these," you gesture toward your chest and make a small sigh again.

Callie chuckles: "I never realized having big tits is such a bad thing."

"E-cups, Callie! E-cups!" you whine and you can't help wondering how exactly this happened. Of course you understand the reason but it is still really strange.

"You know, empire waist dresses look really good on women with bigger breasts."

"When you say so..." you roll your eyes.

...

"This...it actually isn't that bad."

Callie just smirks.

...

"This one really looks like a sack!

"Alright Addie, just try on something else."

...

"Ok, I think this one is..."

"...perfect," Callie finishes.

And that's how you find an amazing, empire waist cut, cream colored wedding dress and realize you can't wait for the day Mark sees you in it.

###

And somethig similar to that exchange in front of the mirror takes place everyday until Addie finally gives in and drags you to the store to buy some (since we're talking about Addie, probably a lot of) maternity wear you are apparently paying for. At moments like these you mentally thank God for all the people who want plastic surgeries, however unnecessary. But it doesn't even matter when Addie comes out of the dressing cabin in yellow maternity dress that hugs her bump in a way that's just right. She curiously asks:

"What do you think?"

The only thing you can think of replying is:

"I think you are drop-dead gorgeous."

* * *

_Love it? Hate it? Please tell me in reviews. The wedding coming up... __;) _


	18. Can you feel the love tonight

_I_'d like to dedicate this chapter to my (one and only :D) faithful reader - you know who you are. _;) _

_Simply because you said you were really looking forward to it and because if it wasn_'t for your encouraging feedback, I would_'ve never gotten to this point. I really hope you enjoy it! :) Just for the record - Naomi isn__'__t and won__'__t be pregnant in this fic, because like I said, it would be too much baby-drama and because Naomi__'s pregnancy __was just so out of the blue, it hurts :p. __Starting with Addison's POV:_

* * *

**Can you feel the love tonight?**

The day finally comes and suddenly you're hugging your maid of honor Naomi in greeting. You had problems choosing the person for this important role, because Callie has been incredibly helpful with wedding preparations and everything, but...you guess you wouldn't really want anyone else than Nae for this. But in this moment you feel she suddenly stiffened in your arms.

"Naomi? What is it? Naomi?"

And then you become aware of the baby bump pressed in between you two. It's small, but it's definitely there by now.

"Addie...how come you didn't tell me about this?!" she gestures towards your stomach, and you realize you don't really understand why you didn't. Though you ask yourself how come Naomi hasn't found out the moment she walked into the room.

"I guess I...well, Nae, surprise!"

"You bet that is a surprise!" she says slightly annoyed and it's not like she isn't happy for you, just angry you didn't bother to inform her about something this important.

"You know how big a surprise it was for me?! YOU said it was impossible!"

"I didn't..."

"Basically! And then affirmed it again and again..."

"Ok, why are we arguing? I...Addie, congratulations! I know how much you wanted this," she pulls you into a tight hug once again, "Do you know whether it is a little you or a little Mark already?

"No, I have an appointment scheduled after the amnio next week," you shiver and try to shake off an uncomfortable feeling, because you really aren't looking forward to the amniocentesis. You've done the procedure a thousand times, but something about being on the other side of the table scares you. Thankfully, now you have thousand other things to think about.

The funniest wedding-related story so far is the one about Derek being Mark's best man, but you guess Mark wouldn't pick anyone else either. Still, when they announced it to you, you burst out laughing:

"After how last time ended?"

"Don't think you're cheating on me with Derek!" Mark warns you with a smirk on his face.

###

When you wake up after yesterday's bachelor party, you figure you probably _overdrunk _it a little, because you have a serious headache. You are rubbing your temples wondering if you haven't done anything stupid while being intoxicated with alcohol and you even call Derek to make sure, but he isn't picking up. Once you are able to think straight you figure you were just drinking and speaking about baseball and how weird it is that you out of all people are getting hitched the next day and some other stupid things and when you said in your drunken state:  
"I hope my kid behaves tomorrow," it was very out of the blue, just to fill the silence.

"You know, Callie and Arizona will take care of her," Derek replied in similarly drunken voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"Mark, Sofia is a big girl."

It took like five seconds until you understood and burst out laughing:  
"I wasn't talking about Sofia, you dumbass."

"Then what the hell?" And only after you rolled your eyes, you brain(less)surgeon friend got it.

"Are you kidding me?! Addie is pregnant?!"

"Of course she's pregnant, have you seen her recently?"

You thought you might mention this to Addie the next time she complains how big she is.  
That's when you realized Owen had dozed off on the table and said to yourself you are probably too old for these drinking encounters after all.  
And Derek was obviously too drunk: "Huh...I guess you've archieved the top level at this making babies sport of yours. I mean, a college hookup, a lesbian, an infertile woman. Who's next?"

"Nobody. As you said, I've archieved the top level," you stuck out your tongue.

"I guess...congratulations. I'm happy for you," if Derek had been sober, it would've probably gone less smoothly, but after this you both just drank some more and then went home. But right now you realize you have no idea where your wedding rings are. You are vaguelly aware of the fact that Derek should have them, you remember it's best man's duty or something, but you really don't remember whether you gave him the rings. If you screw this up, Addie will seriously kill you. So you call Derek once again, but without him picking up. And then you finally get that you should be getting ready for today. Addie is at Callie's with her and Naomi, who are most likely obsessing about everything wedding-related. You're also trying to make yourself look presentable and then waiting for Derek and Owen who should come by later. It's around lunchtime when the doorbell rings, but when you open, Owen walks in with Meredith.

"Hey, where's Derek? He's my best man!"

"You remember, he didn't make it to my wedding either."

"I have the rings here," Meredith sniffs.

"Seriously, what did he do this time? Got himself into jail for speeding again? I'm gonna kill him!"

"No...he almost managed to do it himself. He's lying in the hospital," Meredith's tears start falling openly and you form a horrified expression and yell:  
"What happened?!"

...

And minutes later you're on your way to the hospital, because you learn Derek's been in a car crash and seeing your best friend alive is just as important as marrying the woman you love.

"He had some minor brain bleed and...also some bleeding in the stomach and he's got his arm and leg broken, but...we're assuming he was lucky. He should be discharged in a week."

"Can I see him?"

Dr. Nox, general surgeon here at GMH, observes you all dressed up (indication that you really should be someplace else) for a moment and then he nods:  
"Okay, but he is drugged up, you should let him rest."

When you walk into the room and you see Derek lying on the bed, right leg and left arm in the cast, right arm hooked to an IV, the only thing you can do is yell:  
"You fool, you could've gotten yourself killed!"

His gaze is a little empty due to the drugs, but he smirks and utters:  
"I'm sorry."

"Ok, seriously Derek...do you need anything? What do you want me to get you?"  
But he only nods towards the door where Meredith is standing and you realize he has everything he needs right here.

"s'okay. Go marry the woman of your dreams," he grins and you glance at the clock and figure out you really should be going. And you and Owen later agree on the fact that Derek is a crappy best man, because you had to substitute him at Owen's wedding and Owen is now doing the same at your wedding. He makes a mental note that if he ever gets married again, he would just save the work and ask you directly.

...

You arrive to the wedding venue (surprisingly on time). It's a nice little garden Addie picked, because she wanted to have an outside wedding and in this season the weather is usually ok with it. Of course it occured to you that with your luck it might rain anyway, but thankfully odds are in your favor this time. And then people sit down, you stand next to the minister and Naomi walks down the aisle of the arm of Owen. And then there comes the moment you've been dreaming of, though you probably wouldn't ever admit it.  
You've heard about pregnant women glowing, but at this moment you just think you've never seen a beautiful woman before, because no beauty could possibly be compared to Addie's. When she meets you at the altar, you smile triumphantly and for a moment you seriously feel like turning to the audience and bragging: _See? I got the prettiest woman ever. _But you manage not going that far.  
You two hold hands throughout the whole ceremony and when you slide the rings onto each other's fingers and the words _I do_ are uttered, you feel like the luckiest man alive.

"Let's make a little show for them," you grin when you envelop Addie in your arms and before she has a chance to respond, you sweep her up and give her what can be called the movie star-kiss. And of course it's passionate as hell. People start cheering and clapping, you smirk and Addie catches you by the tie in a manner like she would very much like to drag you somewhere. And you think if Derek was here, he would groan something like _That is still weird_ and you would really enjoy mocking him doing gestures like this to Addie everytime he watches. For one night, you would really enjoy that. But the fact is that for a neurosurgeon Derek is pretty brainless, he can't be here tonight and you still care more about his wellbeing than mockery after all. Meredith came for a while in the end, but she leaves soon (really, no wonder she just wants to go back to the hospital and be with Derek). So you only tell her when she's leaving:  
"Give him our greetings. Yeah, and tell him that if he didn't want to be my best man, he could've just said so and spare us these dramatic antics."

"Yeah, sure," Meredith chuckles.

"And grab some food on your way out. Here, take this," you point at the tray, "Yeah, tell him that his best friend got the girl and he at least gets the cake. Which is by the way amazing and he can regret he isn't here because we have plenty of cakes like this and some are even better."

You smirk mockingly and Meredith leaves moments later. The reception goes on, people are eating, drinking and chatting, all the kids looking adorable and very soon there comes a moment when Naomi steps in the middle of the dance floor and announces:  
"I'd like to invite the newlyweds over here to have their first dance."

###

It took you some time to choose the song for your first dance as a married couple. Because you didn't want something overused, overly sweet or cheesy, but still...wedding songs are supposed to be a little cliché. You're a romantic and since Mark proposed to you under the stars, you figured out that maybe he is too, a little. Ok, you get that it was for you, but still. In the end you agreed on the song that's kinda classic, but you both liked it and right now as you hear the fist tones, you simply know it was the perfect choice.

_There's a calm surrender to the rush of day  
__When the heat of the rolling world can be turned away_

"May I...?"Mark asks and then you place one hand in his, the other one on his shoulder and his hand finds its way to the small of your back. "I love you, Mrs. Sloan."  
And you roll your eyes, but being Mrs. Sloan is actually pretty amazing feeling.

_An enchanted moment, and it sees me through  
__It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you_

Mark pulls you close – as close as the baby bump allows – and you realize you can't deny it anymore. Not that you were doing so. You move Mark's hand to your abdomen for a moment, because when cherishing what you two have, you must not forget the biggest treasure, the one between the two of you.

_And can you feel the love tonight?  
__It is where we are  
__It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer  
__That we've got this far_

Everything bad disappears from the world when you're in his arms. And later when the music quietens and you stop dancing, Mark takes the whole _proudly annoucing to everybody that I'm gonna be a father again_ to all new level, because everyone can hear him when he says:  
"We should make one more thing official, so...," he steps behind you and puts his arms around your waist. The way his hands adjust your dress, it becomes evident that your abdomen is pretty round and without a doubt it can be called _baby bump_.

"Me and my beautiful wife are welcoming the baby Sloan in about five months."

_And can you feel the love tonight  
__How it's laid to rest  
__It's enough to make kings and vagabonds  
__Believe the very best_

Pretty much everybody knew or at least suspected something, but at this moment everybody makes sure.  
"Mark! You can't do this to a pregnant woman!" you cry and everybody's congratulating you and a couple of people are reaching to touch your bump. And that's when you know that even though it took years, many bad decisions, regrets and a lot of hurt, you and Mark made it.

_There's a time for everyone if they only learn  
__That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn  
__There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors  
__When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours_

_(Elton John – Can You Feel the Love Tonight)_

* * *

_I'm dying to read your opinions! Ok, it was mostly pure fluff, but who doesn't need a little of that from time to time? O:) I would jump 5 meters high if this happened on actual GA! _

_And you know, I have to tell you... 'Meant to be' is simply Slexie's catchphrase and in none of the former chapters of this fic you can find a single attempt to take away it from them. And really, I had no problem with Slexie being _meant to be_ until I realized that there is an episode half a season sooner, which lets us know that it___'s ___Maddison who are meant to be! Remember 8x13 If/Then? It___s ___final voiceover says that "Some things are going to work out as if they were destined to happen. As if they were just meant to be." And in this episode Addison is pregnant with Mark__________'s baby and __________when ___you search on youtube using keywords ___'____________greys anatomy 8x13 deleted scene addison mark___' you can find an extension of ____________the scene with these two and Derek, in____________ which Addison says she___'s going back to New York with Mark._________

_________:( I_'m forever thankful for fanfiction and its ability to fix everything wrong with this show, because I don_'t know what I would do without it. O:)___________

___________To be continued...___________


	19. We're lost and found

_Well...they are married ;). Let's explore it.  
Title of this chapter is from the song Wings by Birdy. Starting with Mark's POV._

* * *

**We're lost and found**

You are standing at the counter in the hallway of the surgical wing when you feel _your wife_'s body brush against yours. As she's passing you by, she whispers the three words that sound even more beautiful than _I love you _in your ear:  
"_Our baby's kicking_."

A second later when you realize what she just said, you set off and when you catch her, she drags you into an on-call room with the biggest smile on her face.  
Your hands fly to Addie's baby bump and she says:  
"I don't know whether you can feel it, it's still...soonish, but..." tears appear in her eyes, "She or he is really there!"

She doesn't continue because she doesn't need too. You know it is just as unbelievable for her as it is for you (truthfully, even more). You kiss her and even though you can't really feel it this time, you will...soon.

...

It doesn't really take long until it leads to situations like these:  
"Au! Mark! Come here and make _your baby_ stop! She is kicking like crazy...or he is. Of course, he is just as bad behaved as his dad. I mean, there's no doubt she already hates me!" Addie's rubbing her abdomen with desperate expression on her face and she glares at you saying:  
"Also, there's no food anymore. _Your baby_ made me eat everything. And I hate that I laugh one minute and cry the next...I'm an OB/GYN, I should be better at this!"

"Psst Red...hi kid, it's daddy," of course you notice that baby in Addie's belly is always _your baby_ when doing something unpleasantand_ our baby _when he or she makes her smile, but you guess you're okay with it.

###

Mark is stroking your baby bump whispering softly and you look at him, almost angry that he can make the baby calm so quickly when you fail in doing so, but more than that enchanted by the picture of him placing kisses on the skin of your belly and saying how _mommy_ and _daddy _just got married, how they can't wait to find out whether the baby is a boy or a girl and how he or she also has a big brother Henry. And you're happier than you've ever been. But at the same time mentally kicking yourself for once telling this man he'd make a terrible father.

...

And here it comes. The day of your amniocentesis. You spend a fair share of your morning squating next to the toilet bowl, throwing up and it really isn't the typical morning sickness. That stopped about two weeks ago for most part. Mark comes, he holds back your hair and when you think you don't have anything left to hurl, you bury your head in his shirt and sob:  
"Mark, I'm so scared."

Seeing you like this breaks his heart and he just murmurs over and over:  
"Oh, Addie. It's gonna be okay...I'm gonna be there the whole time and our baby is gonna be perfect..."

"You don't know that!"

"I do. You know how? Because it has perfect mother and its...sorry, his," he meets your teary gaze, "or her father won't let anything happen to him or her. Please, stop crying. Now let's do this."

You sigh and wipe your tears.

...

Though hours later when you're lying on the exam table, Dr. Weston's calm demeanor making you somehow relaxed, you can say Mark is a lot more anxious than you.

"Seriously?! You think you are sticking that needle into my wife?"

Dr. Weston rolls his eyes and you wink at your co-worker:  
"It's ok Jeff, go ahead. Mark," you clutch his shirt, „he knows what he's doing. I taught him myself. Now give me your hand because it's gonna pinch and be uncomfortable for like thirty seconds and I'm gonna need to squeeze it really hard. And then it's over."

You wink, grasp his hand and let your OB fellow take a sample of your amniotic fluid, already sure that the wait for the results will be killing you a lot more than the actual procedure.  
Weston than measures you blood pressure, tells you it's a little too high for his liking and you promise you're gonna try to keep an eye on that, though you're certain the wait for amnio results won't do your blood pressure any good.

###

...

"Mark! It's definitely possible! There are thousands of complications that can happen with this pregnancy and hence my age..." you can hear the pain in Addie's voice, "How could I've been so irresponsible?! Women at the age of 45 are not supposed to get pregnant."

"Addison! I already told you..."

"Mark, there are things you can't just prevent."

"Whatever happens..."

"Down syndrome, Spina bifida, hemophilia...and all the..." suddenly she cracks into the new round of sobbing, "Anencephalia..."

"What?"

"Amelia...she was pregnant, but...her baby...had no brain."

Anencephalia...of course you know what that term means. But...oh God. You think of Derek's younger sister, the girl who went through more than enough shit in her life. And this? Definitely the worst. You are so shocked you don't even think of asking about the baby's father. Not that asking wouldn't just make things even more painful. You imagine Amelia's smiling face you saw just yesterday, because she is kind of working in Seattle now. It's unthinkable that something like this happened to her. You wonder if Derek knows, but that really isn't the question to bring up right now.

"Addie," suddenly tears are pressing their way into your eyes too, but there's no way you would let them, "Our baby isn't anencephalic. You know, with all the kicking...and stopping when he recognizes my voice."

You wink at Addison and continue in serious tone of voice saying words which meaning you can't fully grasp, but unlike Mark Sloan from few years prior (who couldn't have even imagined that situation), you can't react in any different way:

"Whatever else happens, we're gonna deal with it. If God forbid we have a sick baby, we will take care of him...or her. We will make sure she has the best possible life and we will love her just as much. Or him...oh, I wish we would find out the sex already! This is kinda ridiculous!"

But Addison doesn't pay much attention anymore. She stopped somewhere at _We will love her just as much_. Because for some reason she still believes it's more than she could've asked for. But it's a given for you. No matter the circumstances, you would love your baby just as much as you love Addie.

###

Two weeks later when you see the results in Jeff Weston's hand, you feel something like cramping in your belly and you suddenly put your hand on your (in your opinion already pretty big) baby bump. You are 20 weeks along, which means in the middle of your pregnancy, but you feel huge. Of course the gesture doesn't go unnoticed by Dr. Weston nor Mark.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just...you know, the baby started kicking because my heart started beating fast when I saw that."

"Are you nervous?"

"Weston...seriously? Of course I'm nervous!"

"She's really nervous," Mark makes a small smirk, "Just tell us."

"Well, from what I see here," he hands you the paper with the results, "I wouldn't be concerned about anything."

...

At that moment you feel so relieved you pull Jeff Weston into a hug immediately.

"Thank you!"

"My pleasure," he says and they are smirking at each other with Mark, "I think your husband would like to hug you now too."

"Yeah, ok," you laugh and the arms around you change from Jeff's to Mark's. When he lays you down on the table and lifts up your top, you almost smack him and ask what the hell he thinks he's doing until Weston comes to put the ultrasound gel on your now bare stomach.

"Ok, I see you can't wait, so...today we'll definitely be able to tell whether it's a boy or girl. Do you wanna know?"

And Mark nods eagerly: "Of course!"

...

"Ok, here's your baby," Weston points at the screen, "Dr. Montgomery-Sloan, I'm sure you can see it...yup. A girl. Definitely a girl."

...

You knew. When he announced it, you realized you knew the whole time. It's called mother's intuition. And that's exactly why you fail to fully appreciate the fact that you're having a little girl. Because you've felt this before. You have been pregnant with a girl before. Your husband and the father of both of your girls looks thrilled and you don't know what to feel. Despite being heartbroken over the memory of Ella, you are enchanted by the confirmed fact that in about 4 months you are gonna have a daughter. Daughter with your red hair and Mark's trademark smirk. Daughter that will undoubtedly be daddy's little girl, years later you will comb her long hair, teach her all about dressing up and you two will be like best friends. When you look at Mark, your eyes are full of tears, but also full of love.

Weston than measures your blood pressure again.  
"Uhm...still high. You know what the risks are. I don't want to give you much medication for it now, but...stay away from stressful situations."

"You know, this one was kind of challenging for my blood pressure, so..." you smirk and he goes on:

"And you should start thinking about maternity leave. I really don't want you to overwork yourself."

"Okay," you nod and grasp Mark's hand. He looks at you like you're the sun.

...

* * *

_The ending of this is kinda abrupt and saying nothing, but more is coming soon :). I cut it, 'cos I didn't want one chapter to be too long and overfilled with things. One important plot development - it's a girl! ;) What do you think about it?  
I'm gonna give that fact more consideration and explore its consequences in the next chapter. Mainly because...Ella. Addie can't just get over that. And the drama is not over. I have an idea of what to do and I promise you no tragedy or anything, but...it's not going to be pretty.  
__If you made a little __time and reviewed, it would be wonderful ;)._


	20. What's going on in that beautiful mind

_Thank you very much for the reviews on previous chapter. Yay, we've reached this amazing rounded number :D, so I really hope you like chapter 20. I know 10th kind of stood out and this isn't that special, but...I believe number 18 was enough ;). Still, read and enjoy:  
Title from All of Me by John Legend and it starts with Addie being "you"._

* * *

**What's going on in that beautiful mind**

"Henry? We want to tell you something..."

Mark has pretty much become Henry's dad and at that time it was even a little shocking for you, but it happened long before you married him. Now you can say Henry absolutely adores Mark. That's why he's immediately paying attention when Mark starts speaking.

"You know that Bailey has a big sister Zola. Well, many people have siblings, your mom has a brother too and uncle Derek has four sisters for example," Mark smirks like he would also very much like to give Henry four sisters, but you glare at him, personally thinking one is perfectly enough.

You cut in:  
"You know, before babies are born, they grow in their moms tummies. And there's your baby sister in my tummy now. In about 4 months you're gonna be a big brother, Henry."

"Me brother?"

"Yes Henry, you are having a little sister."

"I wanna brother."

If you weren't feeling that uncertain about having a girl these days, you wouldn't worry about that, but now it's kinda too much. But that's when Mark steps in, chuckling:  
"I'm sure you do. But you have Bailey, he is almost like your brother. Look, it's like me and uncle Derek. We aren't brothers really, but he is my best friend in the whole world."

"O-kay," Henry shrugs.

"Your sister can be best friend with Cara, the daughter of uncle Jackson and aunt April, you know," Mark winks and you think about their girl, who was born just a few days ago.

"She's little."

"Yes, your sister is gonna be just as little at first. But just like you are growing, they're both gonna grow and be bigger later."

"My sister here?" Henry points at your abdomen and when he puts his hands on it and says "Hi," you are close to crying once again and you feel you couldn't have asked for more.

###

"Addie? What are you thinking?" you ask that night when you see Addison is still awake and staring into the ceiling. You catched her in similar situation a few times this week – since you found out the sex of your baby – and it is starting to concern you a little.

"What? I...nothing. We should sleep."

"Yeah, we should. But you look thoughtful. And I'm not gonna be able to sleep when something is bothering you, you know."

"Mark..." Addie sighs and you wrap your arms around her.

"Just tell me."

"You will hate me and...I can't take that right now."

You see the tears in her eyes and your concern grows bigger. You sit up and drag Addie up with you.

"What is it? I won't hate you, I promise."

And she almost says _You can't promise me that_ or _You will, I'm sure_, but after you wipe her tears with your hand, she just swallows and admits:  
"It would've been a girl...the baby...in New York. I just know that. She would have been 10 this year. And now...Mark, I'm so sorry..."

Your hands jerk away and suddenly you are gazing the bedsheets.

Addison sniffles:  
"And I can't be thinking about this baby as a substitute for that one...for Ella. But I...it's impossible."

_Is there really no escape?  
__No escape from time  
__Of any kind_

_(Duncan Sheik – Half Life)_

_Ella_...it shouldn't hurt this much. You are really mad at Addison at this moment. But you are mad at yourself too. And your heart breaks for Addie, because you had no idea that she still felt so much remorse about her decision.

###

"...Ella?...I just..."

When Mark pulls away from you and starts saying something, though he doesn't really know himself what it is supposed to be, the situation feels oddly familiar and you remember Jake saying "_I__'m processing, so just give me a minute here..."_ a lifetime ago.

And then Mark looks up and his incredibly blue eyes meet yours. His voice sounds a little weak, but he manages to say:  
"Addie, I could never hate you."

It doesn't chase away all your demons but it's better than anythig he could've said.

...

"What's wrong?" Mark asks nervously when he catches you in the clinic rubbing your belly three days later.

"Nothing...nothing's wrong. Braxton-Hicks. They don't hurt, it's just...my uterus slowly getting ready for the grand final, you know?"

"Are you sure? You can take the rest of the day off if you want."

"No, it's okay. Your worrying is cute though."

You suddenly feel a loose tear on your cheek, because your hormones are really messing with your emotion these days.  
Mark wipes it with his finger, you come closer to him and kiss him passionately wishing you could just drag him into the nearest on-call room, because second trimester is also kicking in when it comes to your sex drive. At 23 weeks you have to give up your heels, because your swollen ankles really can't take it anymore, and you realize that you don't own any flats really, so Mark's credit card goes into action once again.

And of course you talked about buying a house together, but it first came up only after you got engaged and since you already had the baby on the way, you had million other matters to take care of. Mark moved in with you, because your apartment is big enough and you figured you will be worrying about bigger place for the kids when your daughter is born.

_Your daughter_...that's the thing. The day after you tell Mark that you don't want to think about this girl as a substitute for Ella, but you just can't help it, he comes home with a packing in the wrapping paper that has colorful pacifiers on it (which surprises you enough, because honestly, how does _Mark Sloan_ even know where to get such things?) and he says eagerly:  
"Addie, open it."

You tear the paper and find a yellow onesie.

"I figured she is probably gonna have your beautiful hair, so pink clothes are out of question, but..." you raise your eyebrow and he has to make himself clear, so his manhood remains unharmed, "Don't look at me like that! Callie told me so..."

Your lips curl into a smirk and then you see a Pink Floyd sign on the front.

"I figured there aren't any decent sport teams in Seattle, but...she could at least like good music."

"Yeah, okay," you chuckle and Mark puts his hands on your baby bump (that feels huge!) and says:

"Also, Addie...? Do you have any idea how to name our girl? I think she should have a name, I mean...she will be here soon," he winks and for a moment you feel like slapping him, because you really don't need a reminder of how big you've grown already, "And...when she has a name, you might be able to stop thinking about her as...you know."

He flinches a little, but you are so touched you start crying, throw your arms around his neck and breathe out:  
"Mark...I love you!...Let's give her a name."

He grins happily and than pulls out another item from the bag beside him.

"Honey, is it..."

"Baby names book," Mark smirks and it's also a little about the fact that you just subconsciously called him _honey_. And then you start kissing him and taking his clothes off once again.

* * *

_Dealing with this thing wasn't easy but it needed to happen. I really hope both Addie and Mark were in character and I'd love to read your opinions. On my profile you can find a link to the picture of their daughter_'s new onesie ;).__


	21. Can't say no

_Every fic needs something lighthearted from time to time :D Enjoy:_

* * *

**Can't say no**

"Stupid pregnancy hormones, they were making me wanna have sex all the time and cry with rage when I couldn't because I had a consult or whatever."

"I knew all of it...theoretically. I thought I would be prepared...or something. But oh my goodness..." you slap your forehead, "Have you ever seen Mark walking out of shower in nothing but a towel?!...Eh, sorry...rhetorical question. Of course you haven't. At least, I sincerely hope so."

Meredith chuckles:  
"No," and then she adds, "But you know what Derek can do with his tongue, right? That thing..." and this time it is Meredith slapping her forehead and cracking, "I can't believe I just asked you this!"

You burst out laughing, thinking that life has seriously twisted sense of humor, but at the same time amazed by the fact that you and Meredith Grey have reached the point when you talk about sex – sex with the same man for that matter.

"Of course I do," you wink at her, because you immediatelly get what she means, "Great one."

And Bailey's words about _bonding with co-workers over kids_ just obtained a whole new meaning. You don't think you would ever have this talk if the pregnancy hormones weren't making you a little insane, but you really need a perspective of somebody who knows what you are going through and one day not that long ago you realized Meredith is actually your friend. Speaking about this particular topic with Callie won't quite do the trick, because one fact is that you have the same baby daddy, but another is that she just has more liking in women.

In the end you and Meredith really exchange some good pregnancy experiences (not just about sex-life, thankfully ) and neither of you feels uncomfortable with that. After all, you know your husbands are probably doing the same.

###

Addison is really making you completely crazy and exhausted. Well, you are of an opinion that more is always better and with sex it's truer than with anything else, but you are forced to reconsider that statement these days, because really, Addie's sexual needs are enormous and you are just tired. You are setting up the nursery in the spare room of the apartment and in the meantime you are starting to look on various real estates, because you want to find a perfect house for your little family. And let's face it – you are not Derek and you really don't feel like building it yourself.

"Dadda!"

"What's going on, Henry?"

"Dadda, play with me! Twains!"

He points at his playable railway track on the floor, but you have to look at him sadly:  
"I'd love to, but I must set up the crib for your baby sister first. You remember the crib don't you? We went to buy it two days ago."

Henry looks like he's thinking, but then he smiles victoriously and he proudly says:  
"It has yellow sheets!"

"Yes, it does! You see? You are a smart boy!"

And then Henry is crawling and clumsily walking around you and he's speaking about the great jungle gyms on the playground where he was yesterday with Bailey and uncle Derek and how he wants to go to preschool already, because _his big sister Sofia_ – you smile lovingly at that expression – says the ladies in there are very nice and the toys are amazing. Then he asks again:  
"My baby sister in momma's tummy?"

"Yes Henry, your baby sister is growing in mommies tummy."

"Momma big tummy."

You laugh and you sincerely hope Henry won't mention this to Addie, however true he might be. You know Addie hates reminding of how big she has gotten, but you personally think you have never seen her more beautiful. You just chuckle at Henry's words and mutter under your breath:  
"Well, certainly developing skills of a gentleman already."

Though if you told Addie this, she might at least give you a break from all the sex.

###

"How are my two boys doing?" When you come home after your shift, you pick Henry up in your arms, kiss his nose and then quickly put him back down before Mark sees you, so he won't start on you again about not doing any unnecessary lifting.

"Great! How are my two girls doing?" Mark looks up at you, he smiles happily and once you see him working on your daughter's crib, _shirtless_, you are aroused.

"Good. Squirming because daddy wasn't around all day, though," you put your hand on your baby bump and you honestly feel that when Mark comes and embraces you in his arms, your daughter – whose name you of course already thought about and you believe you have one pretty good idea – calms down.  
"I think it's about time I put Henry to bed."

"No, Addie. I will do it. I don't want you to do any unnecessary lifting."

You just chuckle.

...

And when Mark comes back, you put your hand on his bare chest, your lips trace his jawbone and you say seductively:  
"I see you did a great piece of work today. You are really sweaty. You need to shower. How about I help you with that?"

###

Addie winks at you and her hands find the zip of your pants.

_I'm ten feet tall when she's by my side  
__But I can't say no to her smile._

_(Rea Garvey - Can't Say No)_

And then you have sex in the shower with Addie, simply because you can't say no to her, because even in her sixth month of pregnancy she's mindblowingly hot and because there's no better way to celebrate a greatly set up crib than sex in the shower.

...

"Derek, help me! How did you deal with Meredith being all preggo-horny?" then you burst out laughing, "Ok, remember this is a top-secret talk because if any of these information slipped out, it would really hurt my manhood."

Derek laughs and asks:  
"Don't you enjoy it?"

"Of course I do, but it is... I am scared that by this rate one day I might not be able to perform and that would really be a disaster!"

Derek laughs even more:  
"Trust me, you will make it. It won't be much longer and then you can have your well-earned rest."

"Well, yeah...I will probably have the counter problem when it comes to it. The lying-in period will kill me," you chuckle and then mention, "I cannot believe we are talking about this."

"Relax. I'm sure Addison and Meredith are doing the same."

* * *

_Ok, I admit I love Meredith/Addison and Derek/Mark dynamic in this chapter O:). I hope you enjoyed it too...horny Addison and everything :D. But if something felt out of place, don't hesitate to tell me. I know it was short, but I really wanted to post a new chapter __because __I'm putting this fic on short hiatus. I'm going to spa for three weeks and I guess I will really have other things on my mind, not updating fanfiction ;). See you!_


	22. Brings me close to the day

_Hi, I'm back! I had a great time in the spa, I_'ve_ met some great people and coming back to *real world* was somehow difficult, but I will get over it. I just hope you haven't gotten over this fic yet. If you write me your opinion on this chapter, it will be awesome! Also, I'm bringing back my AU character from chapter 8 for a small story arc, hopefully you remember him :D._

* * *

**Brings me close to the day**

"Maaark!" when you hear the desperate yelling from the bathroom one morning, you feel your heart fell somewhere to your stomach. You rush there, but when you frantically open the door, you find Addie standing in front of the bathroom mirror, applying her make-up.

"Mark, can you pick up my earring? It fell down and I...I can't really bend down, _your baby_ is in the way."

She looks like she's about to cry, but you just feel thankful, because by the tone of her voice you assumed she has gone to early labor or something horrible happened.

"You should really start taking maternity leave. What do you do at work when you write to charts or something and your pen falls down?"

"I have interns for it," she smirks and you have to laugh, because once upon a time she despised you having the interns picking up dry cleaning for you, "I will start taking the leave in two weeks, I gotta have everything in running order by then."

"Addie, I get that you are the queen of vagina squad," she pierces you with her glare, "but they can do something without you. You need to think about our little girl."

"Actually, our girl is pretty big already," Addie sighs.

###

"Mark?" you say that night when you are lying in the bed.

"Yes Red, what's up?"

"What you said about naming our girl...I have an idea."

"What is it?" he lifts his head from the pillow and looks at you with interest.

"I was thinking...Victoria," you make a small unsure smile. You realize though, that you haven't been able to think about your daughter with any other name since _Victoria_ crossed your mind. Simply because she's _your biggest victory_.

Mark smiles widely:  
"I'm thinking that's perfect."

And just like that you name your little girl and though you know you won't ever be able to fully let go of that huge burden from the past, you won't let it affect the way you look at Victoria.

...

At 32 weeks you are schuduled for another ultrasound screening and also the cervical exam with measuring your cervical score. Next week you are starting to take the maternity leave and it is all becoming more and more real. The feeling that in 8 weeks you are gonna have a daughter really hits you today. _Because Victoria is actually gonna be there._

Mark is pulled to surgery, so you go to the appointment without him. The first thing Dr. Weston does is measure your blood pressure and he really isn't happy with what he sees.

"I have to write you a prescription for meds already, because it's dangerously high," you wiggle on the chair with discomfort and then he hands you the paper, "Here, take this. Now, I'd like a resident to do the exam, are you okay with it?"

"Yes, of course."

But then you see Michael O'Briann, the resident who was once so fascinated with your work (or well, _you_) that nowadays he's wearing pink scrubs and helping babies into the world.

"O'Briann."

"Dr. Montgomery," he blushes and if you look at the situation as the hands-off person, it's even quite funny.

So you get in the stirrups and let him do the exam. Victoria obviously finds the situation very entertaining, because she's kicking like crazy.

...

"How did it go?"

"Great, me and Callie saved all the guy's fingers. But how did your thing go?" he asks eagerly.

"Yeah, good. I got some meds for blood pressure..."

"Addie..." he seems appalled, "You really should stop working already!"

"Don't worry, I'm starting to take maternity leave next week," you caress your nearly 7 months pregnant belly.

"Good...but really, I won't stop worrying till you are both safely at home and okay."

You are sure that he won't stop worrying even then, but you don't feel there's a point in mentioning it.

"Victoria sucks her thumb by the way, I saw it on the ultrasound. Also, do you remember Michael O'Briann?"

"That intern, who was so hung on your every word?"

"Yeah, him. I let him take a look at my cervix today," you smirk, your voice somewhere betwen playful and mocking and you feel you will start laughing any second.

Mark puts a hand on his chest and whines:  
"I'm deeply wounded."

Only now you really start enjoying this, "Yeah, and did I mention my really hot doctor Jeff Weston?"

You lick your lips and wink seductively at Mark (who of course has seen Jeff couple of times, but right now it really doesn't matter):  
"He has an amazing tan these days. I think he goes surfing in the summer. Gosh, I've always loved surfers."

"Addie?"

"Yes?" you ask innocently.

"Shut up." He brings his lips to yours.

You push your tongue into his mouth, bury your hands in his hair and you are both thinking that this second trimester-thing was supposed to stop already. But you for one can't care less and Mark...  
"If you go into pre-term labor because of this..."

Now is your turn to say:  
"Shut up."

...

Today is the day. Once you finish today's shift, you can start enjoying your maternity leave. You believe you've managed to take care of everything in your department and you can say you are looking forward to spending time at home, watching corny soap operas and letting Mark hover over you. Today you woke up with a throbbing headache and since you can't take stronger pills now, all day you are just hoping that the end of your shift comes soon.

In the evening you and Mark are both changing in the lounge.

"Has Victoria been good today? Is she looking forward to go home already?" He puts his hand on the baby bump that you think has grown enourmous during the past two weeks.

"Yes," you reply tiredly and when you put on your (_totally flat_) sandals, you two walk out hand in hand.

###

But you only get to the other side of the parking lot when you suddenly get a feeling something is wrong.

"Addie!?"

"Mark..."

Addie's hand goes limp in yours and she looks like she's going to fall forward and hit the ground. But you react just in time, jump in front of her and she faints into your arms.

"Addie!"

* * *

_...I told you the drama is not over!  
Ok, I'll update soon if you encourage me with your reviews O:)._


	23. Every word I say is true

_I can_'_t say your feedback (or lack thereof :D) on previous chapter encouraged to do fast updating, but ok, I managed to get this chapter together...here you are. Starting with Mark_'s POV and t_he title is from the lyrics of Mine Again by Black Lab._

_\- scene at the parking lot, insert a dramatic music here ;) -_

* * *

**Every word I say is true**

Henry starts crying and you are horrified. And suddenly it doesn't matter that you are a cardiac patient and Addison is 33 weeks pregnant and therefore quite heavy. Because two most important girls in the world need your help. So you scoop Addie's limp body into your arms and you tell Henry:  
"Henry, we need to go back to the hospital. I can't hold your hand right now, but just follow me, okay? Mommy needs help."

And then you rush back, carrying Addie in your arms. You don't use the main entrance, though. You head right to the side where the ER is. And suddenly you see her eyelids flutter.

"Addie, nothing will happen to you nor our little girl, do you hear me? I love you so much, Addie..."

"Preeclampsia..." she mutters before drifting back into unconsciousness again.

...

"You fool! What do you think you are doing?" Bailey shouts and yes, you are very much aware of the fact that when you run into the ER driveway, there's an alarming possibility that an ambulance vehicle will run you down or something, but that is quite frankly the last thing on your mind right now. A mere second later Bailey registers who is the person she's yelling at and what is actually happening.

"Sloan?!" And then she shouts at the first doctor she sees (who happens to be resident Edwards), "...get me a gurney here! And take the little boy!"

Addison would surely yell at you how you could've be so irresponsible, letting Henry do something so dangerous like running in the ambulance driveway, but in this moment you just don't care.

_Bailey is the one on call, everything will be alright,_ you try to tell yourself, but in reality you're not so sure.

When they lift Addie's body up on a gurney, you find yourself saying in trance just like some useless intern:  
"Addison Montgomery, 45, 33 weeks pregnant and she said...preeclampsia."

Bailey looks at you, contemplating whether she should say something, but then she just shouts at the ER nurse:  
"Page Dr. Weston!"

Then they wheel Addie into the exam room and close the door into your face.  
And only then you realize what mistake you've made while presenting and you mutter, ashamed of yourself:  
"Addison Sloan..."

...

Minutes later Bailey comes back into the waiting room, where you are sitting with the head buried in your hands, and she asks:  
"Sloan, do you want to see her?"

"Is she...?"

"She's asking for you. It looks like her initial diagnosis was correct...her blood pressure is over the roof. Now I have to move on to the surgical cases, but...I hope everything works out for you," she then leaves and you take a deep breath and enter the room.

Weston is standing by Addison's bedside and she is a little pale, but other than that she looks fine.

"Where's Henry?" is the first things she asks.

"Oh honey, you scared the crap out of me," you breathe out, "Edwards has him."

"Are you sure?" she asks incredulously.

"Addie...yeah," you roll your eyes a little and then you turn at Weston, assuming you will more likely find out the stuff you want to know from him, "What...?"

"Your wife was diagnosed with preeclampsia. It's a serious complication and she needs to stay on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. I would like the pregnancy to carry on for about 4 more weeks and then we will probably induce labor."

You sigh:  
"Is there anything I could've done to prevent it?"

"Not really," Weston says to calm you down and adds, „The blood pressure spinned out of control. Now the best thing you can do is pack all the things your wife and baby need and bring them here."

###

You flinch at the thought of being on bedrest for such a long time, but you know better than anyone that it has to happen. You shiver and reach for Mark's hand. And you were looking forward to spending time at home.

When Weston mentions the bag with all the things you are gonna need (you immediately think about a lot of them – showergel, shampoo, toothbrush, sanitary pads which are used after giving birth, underwear, nightgown, diapers and clothes for Victoria and other things), it hits you:  
"She doesn't have the nursery ready!"

"Addie, she will. I'm gonna set up everything before she arrives, I promise."

...

And everyday since then Mark updates you on how it is going, he shows you photos of what is new in Victoria's little kingdom and he meets with one or two real estate agents, because he decides his little family really needs something bigger.

Braxton-Hicks start appearing again ocassionally and for you it's nothing but a sign, that your daughter is gonna be here very soon.

"I figured you would appreciate a look on my muscles among other things, so here you are," Mark laughs one day not a week later and shows you a selfie of him, shirtless (of course, there's a long scar across his chest – _scar of a survivor_, which still manages to amaze you), smirking proudly with a completely set up nursery behind him.

"You are amazing!" you breathe out, "See Victoria? Your daddy managed to get everything ready for you. We love you and we can't wait to meet you."

You put your hand on your belly to stroke it, but you realize that Mark's hand is there already.

...

"I get that I'm a little late, but Addie, you need a baby shower," Callie tells you the next day when she eats lunch in your room. "Let me make one for you," she says excitedly, "Just something small, here in the hospital, okay? So we could give you presents and everything."

You just shrug and when you feel your daughter's kick, you say:  
"Okay. Victoria seems to like the idea. But I don't want to make a big fuss out of it."

Callie of course heard you talk to your belly a couple of times and she put two and two together, but she still asks:  
"Victoria?"

"Yeah," you smile lovingly.

"I can't wait to meet her," Callie winks, "And since I told Sofia, she's going on and on about her little sister."

"Callie!" you throw your arms around her neck, so touched there are tears in your eyes. And she just asks cheerfully:  
"Yeah, what about that as her middle name? I mean, after her favourite aunt?"

You both chuckle, but you think _Victoria Callie Sloan_ actually has a very nice ring to it.

"You know, the name is perfect. You should see how Mark brags about her all over the place. She is really_ his biggest victory._"

And it's impossible not to start crying again, because that's exactly what Victoria means to you.

...

Yeah, you're supposed to be on bedrest and Weston doesn't seem to like the idea of so many people, who could possibly stress you, being around. Nor does Owen like the idea of doing such thing in a hospital room, especially since it would mean almost all his surgeons being there and abandoning work for a while. But because you and Callie _ask really nicely_, they bend the rules a little. Of course, it's a pretty makeshift baby shower, but since Callie loves everything babies-related and events like this and she is your friend, you let her make at least this for you.

And then there's a measuring tape around your belly, an onesie with the catchphrase _Seriously?_ written across it (the handiwork of the one and only Alex Karev, which you're not sure you're ever gonna dress your daughter in, because of possible mixed signals it could be sending around) and gifts like ladybird-styled set of pacifiers, the blanket with embroidered _Victoria _on it or little yellow booties – the gift from Meredith and Derek, actually.

_Isn't it ironic?  
Don't you think?_

_(Alanis Morisette – Ironic)_

And what is somehow fascinating is the moment that comes after. Derek envelops you in his arms and for one brief moment past 8 years disappear and you're Addison-and-Derek again.

But it all goes away with the kick from Victoria that brings you both back to reality.

"Addie...did my niece just kick me?" Derek chuckles. It's almost as if she felt the presence of someone familiar.

You look him in the eyes and smile:  
"Yeah, she did," and you add with a smirk, "Niece?"

"Well, she's my brothers daughter, so...yeah."

And with that you kiss Derek's cheek with tears in your eyes and the crowd of your friends watches amused.

...

Today the Braxton-Hicks start being seriously annoying and a few people ask you during the day if you are okay. They want to know if you need some help, because when Callie sees you frown and put your hand on your abdomen from time to time and Bailey catches you rubbing it frantically, they get a little worried. But you feel fine, talk to everybody who comes to visit you with a smile and the thought about something being wrong doesn't cross your mind. It isn't until late evening when everybody leaves and with them also your distraction when you realize those _Braxton-Hicks_ are happening more and more often, you are gritting your teeth during them and _damnit,_ _they hurt_. You call the nurse who just started her night shift and tell her with tears in your eyes:  
"Hannah, please...page Dr. Weston."

"Doctor Montgomery, but he isn't on call..."

"Then page whoever is. And...my husband. I'm in labor."

Your tears start falling. _This can't end well._

_Slow down...this night's a perfect shade of dark blue_

_(Jack Mannequin – Dark Blue)_

* * *

_I'm sorry, I know I_'m being really mean with the cliffhangers. But I said in previous chapter that it was only beginning...at least I think I did O:). Yeah and I also recall saying "Drama is not over and it won_'t be pretty." Which means I_'m not done being mean and _I apologize in advance, but also, you should know that Mark and Addison belong together and they can get through anything. I believe I_'m not the only one who still sees it that way.  
...PLEASE REVIEW.____


	24. Dark blue

_**Previously:**_

You call the nurse who just started her night shift and tell her with tears in your eyes:  
"Hannah, please...page Dr. Weston."

"Doctor Montgomery, but he isn't on call..."

"Then page whoever is. And...my husband. I'm in labor."

Your tears start falling. _This can't end well._

_Slow down...this night's a perfect shade of dark blue_

_(Jack Mannequin – Dark Blue)_

* * *

_And here we go:_

* * *

**Dark blue**

When your pager beeps you are halfway in fixing the face of a young girl, who suffered a facial deformity in a car crash, but there're still like two hours left. And they tell you plastics is all superficial.

"You, umm..." you've forgotten the nurse's name if you even knew it in the first place, "...what is the page about?"

"Dr. Sloan, it's from OB..."

_Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition_

"Page Jackson Avery to finish this surgery."

Because just like that you immediately know what's happening.

###

And you're clutching the bedsheets, going through another round of pain and you have Theresa Norman examining your cervix. She's young. Not your favourite fellow, not the best, but she's good. You could say that. You could believe that, because now you have to trust her with your daughter's life.

"Okay, Dr. Montgomery-Sloan..."

"Addison," you cut in because this is so beyond using your academic degree.

"Addison, it's progressing fast. You're at 6 centimeters already. It must've started long ago."

_I said the world could be burning dark blue_

And you try not to think about the supposed _Braxton-Hicks_ from all day long. And then your water breaks and Mark isn't there yet and you get so scared.

_34 weeks... it's alright. 34 weeks...I can do this. 34 weeks..._

Then there comes another contraction, you cry in pain and Mark appears at the door.

"Oh, Addie," he runs towards you, not sparing a look on Norman or anything in the room apart from your painstricken face. He pulls himself a chair beside your bed: "Red, squeeze the life out of my hand, curse me all you want to and everything...you have the freakin' right."

And you don't know whether to slap him and yell: "_And you freakin' have no idea!"_ or just cry with happiness that your daughter's dad is this amazing.

Mark finally looks at Theresa and you can hear a hint of worry in his voice:  
"She was diagnosed with preeclampsia a week ago. It's in her chart, but..."

"Yeah, doctor Sloan. We will keep an eye on that. Ok, Addison. 3 more centimetres and then you are ready to push and meet your baby..."

"...girl," you weekly cut in.

"Yes, you will meet your baby girl very soon. You're a primipara, right? You are doing great."

But you still can't shake off that uncomfortable feeling that _this is not how it is supposed to be_.

###

_And it was me and you_

And for the next four hours you really feel there's no blood flow in your fingers and all you hear is:  
"Mark Sloan, you bastard, I can't believe you made me go though this!"

...

"I hate you!"

"Yes Red, tell me how much you hate me. Come on, make a big push and tell me how you absolutely loathe me," you tell her encouragingly and in the other hand – the one she isn't squeezing like mad – you are holding a wet cloth and stroking her forehead with it.

...

Then comes the sentence you've been expecting all along:  
"We are never having sex again!"

You really try not to smirk when you reply:  
"Whatever you say, dear."

And she slaps you. With her left hand but it still really hurts and leaves a slightly red mark across your cheek. But it's all worth it seconds later when Addie makes the final push and you hear your daughter's first cries.

"Daddy, do you want to cut the cord?"

You are too stunned to react right away, but when you realize what's happening, you jump up, take the scissors and less than a minute later you are cradling your little girl in your arms and she's perfect, with beautiful big blue eyes and hints of red hair just like Addison's, with the Sloan nose and perfect tiny fingers and toes and skin and ears and everything. And, from what you hear, with very strong lungs.

"Hi baby..."

You place a soft kiss on her forehead (good you've shaved yesterday) and then put her into Addison's arms.

"Hi Victoria..."

The baby's cries quieten down and become soft whimpers. And you can say you've never seen anything more beautiful than the scene in front of your eyes. When you see your two girls together, you can say Victoria is going to be a spitting image of her gorgeous mom.  
_Victoria..._the name really fits perfectly.

But the scene gets even more beautiful moments later. When Victoria taps Addison's chest and moves her head closer to one of her breasts.

"Appetite taken after her dad?" Addie chuckles, bares the breast and moments later Victoria's mouth finds her nipple.

"...you have to send her to the NICU though, don't you?" Addie asks while Victoria is sucking the breast milk, her voice stricken with pain.

"It's your call, Dr...Addison. It..."

"Dr. Norman, I'm not asking my subordinate! I'm a scared new mom asking her doctor what's gonna happen to her daughter!"

Norman is a little caught off guard and Addison is more than a little hormonal, you can tell. But also completely right.

"I...yes... she's still a preemie. She should be in incubator for a few days."

And then Addie is going through the afterbirth and you are holding your daughter and what you feel is pure love. And then they are wheeling her away and she starts crying again and it's just heartbreaking.

"You did it!" and your eyes are now more than a little wet, because you don't recall ever seeing anything more overwhelming. You bury your head in the bedsheet next to Addie's shoulder and this time you are the one squeezing the life out of her hand. She runs the fingers of her other hand through your hair and laughs:  
"Mark...are you really this stunned?"

You look at her as if she was out of her mind:  
"Red, you bet I'm stunned! In fact I'm so amazed right now I could kiss you until you stopped breathing. I could cradle our daughter and never let her go."

Addie lets out a small sob:  
"I hope she..."

"Addie, it's okay. She's going to be okay."

...

And you go to the NICU later and sit by Victoria's incubator for the rest of the night. Hopefully Addie is cleared to come with you tomorrow or the next day.

And you speak to Victoria about everything you can think of. How you're gonna bring her home and how you're moving into the new house soon. You've really met with a few real estate agents in past two weeks, you brought Addie pictures of various houses and told her how you felt about each one after seeing them in reality. Now you're almost decided which one to take. You also tell Victora how your friends can't wait to meet her and everybody wants to be the first, how you will go to New York together someday and you're sure she's gonna love it there. You will also go to visit mommy's friends in Los Angeles and you will go wherever else she wants, like Disneyland in Florida or everything like that. You talk about her big sister Sofia and big brother Henry and all their friends, Tuck, Zola, Bailey and Cara and how she is daddy's little girl and how much both her parents love her.

...

_Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Well, I'm here with you_

The next evening Addie comes with you and you even feel relieved because you've spent almost all the time in NICU since Victoria was born and it's obvious she misses her mom because she cries a lot and you feel like she's always helplessly looking around.

"Hi, baby. Mommy's here."

Addie puts her hand through the hole on the side of the incubator and Victoria hums and grasps Addie's finger. Addie sighs though, because the grip is too weak. But really, as she is talking to her, Victoria is mostly quiet and humming happily from time to time.

...

But it doesn't last long. Two days later you find yourself asking Derek in small voice:  
"Derek, please can you do some kind of neurological exam on Victoria? 'Cos she cries all the time and I..."

Derek bursts into laughing:  
"Welcome to parenthood."

"I've been through this before! Let me remind you, Sofia was in NICU too! And it just...she cries and she's pale..."

When Derek sees the worry in your eyes, he gives in and says:  
"Ok. I'll do it. But you really want to take her out of the incubator?"

"She was born at 34 weeks, she's not that underdeveloped..."

"When you say so."

"Hey, you were once married to an OB/GYN, you should know!"  
He raises his eyebrows and then you both burst into laughing.

"Funny guy, you are. Ok, come on, let's do it."

Of course, Norman doesn't like that Derek marches into her NICU just like that and wants to perform an exam on a newborn that's supposed to be in an incubator. Without previous consulting with her, above all. But still, when _Derek Shepherd, the head of neuro_ wants something, she can't just say no to him. Plus, the NICU is technically Addie's. And then you realize.

"Man, I should probably tell you...Addie doesn't know I'm making you do this."

"Mark...I mean...what the hell?!"

"Sorry," you say sheepishly.

Derek pulls out his pager, but then he realizes Addie is on leave, she doesn't have her pager with her here and quite frankly, it is the last thing she should be thinking about right now.

"...Mark, do you really want me to call a nurse to go get her?"

"I...no."

...

"Addie?"

"Hi Mark. Have you been to see our girl today? I just wanted..."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about..."

###

...

"Mark...I mean...what the hell?!"

You unwittingly react the same way Derek did, but it's not for the exact same reason. And then you remember the things you told yourself..._this can't end well_ and _this is not how it is supposed to be_. And Victoria...she cries all the time but apart from that she is a little apathetic and her weak grip and...

And then it all goes downhill.

_There was nothing we could do_

_It was dark blue_

...

"Ok, I can do the ultrasound screening of her brain."

...

"It looks...well, I might find some more on the EEG."

...

"Just one more simple test, okay? ...So I can tell you for sure."

...

But after he finishes testing Victoria's reactions to stimulses, he loses it as doctor.  
"Oh crap..."

...

You and Mark are sitting on the bed, he's squeezing your hand, but something else is squeezing your insides.

Derek starts in voice that's trying to be calm and reassuring – exactly the way he is supposed to talk to the patients and their families. But after so many years spent by his side he can't fool you:  
"The screening revealed your daughter suffered a perinatal brainbleed. It's uncommon, but it happens. Rarely with babies born at 34 weeks, mostly with those who are even more premature. You had one more risk factor though...preeclampsia. Also, I don't know how much she weighed exactly when she was born, but she is small, that could also be a factor. The bleed will absorb, I won't have to put inside a shunt or anything."

He draws a breath.

"But...the EEG revealed some changes on her brain. The bleed and most likely also hypoxia during the birth resulted in...cerebral palsy."

You gulp and feel like Derek just ripped all the insides from your body. Little you know he is about to mash them and tuck them back in.

"The disease can manifest in more different ways. In the most common form the muscles are affected. As I tested how Victoria reacts to stimulses, I found out she...there wasn't a proper reaction..." he loses it again and that's why doctors shouldn't treat their family members and friends, "I'm so sorry. Your daughter is most likely paraplegic."

And that's when Mark stutters, his voice more broken than ever:  
"You're saying..."

"She's paralyzed from the waist down."

_What did you possibly expect under this condition?_

_(Jack Mannequin – Dark Blue)_

* * *

_I'm sorry! ...there's not much more I can say. And they don't deserve this, but tell me, which one of those countless parents around the world does? This was something I really wanted to do, because it can't be all sunshine and rainbows. But I __also __hope you realize that having a sick child is not the end of the world. And I will express this fact more in next chapters._

_I'm not sure all the medical stuff in this chapter is 100% accurate, but __I put quite a lot of work to it, __I did a research about this condition and I also tried to use a bit of my own experience with people who have it (you will see more of it later). Cerebral palsy was simply the best fit for my purpose._

_And even though this chapter is...I don't know...shocking? Cruel? (Please tell me yourself in reviews!) So, even though it's like that, I still kind of hope you like it. Or I hope it's at least well written._

_To be continued..._

_Uh, and I'm starting the school tomorrow, it'll be the death of me! :(_


	25. You'd give anything to get what's fair

_Hello, how are you guys? I got one hell of a feedback on the previous chapter, it really was what I've been hoping for the whole time I've been writing this fic. Most of you liked the chapter, which I was very happy about, but I was also told I was evil...okay, I've kinda been expecting this reaction from someone O:). But like I said...having a sick child is not the end of the world! And this chapter deals mainly with Mark and Addison realizing that, because coming to terms with the fact that your daughter is disabled definitely isn't an easy thing to do. The title of this chapter is a lyric from Stop and Stare by One Republic. Starting with Addie's POV._

* * *

**You'd give anything to get what's fair**

Just a few days ago your daughter was perfect. Just a week ago her _kicking_ was making you absolutely crazy. And now your shoulders are shaking with sobs and you can't even look at her. You've failed her.

_She was diagnosed with preeclampsia a week ago...We will keep an eye on that...You are doing great...Victoria...Appetite taken after her dad..._

It can't be right. Babies with cerebral palsy aren't supposed to have good sucking reflex. But you know it is in fact right, because then the whole world came crashing down:  
_...the ultrasound screening of her brain...EEG...just one more simple test...oh crap...perinatal brainbleed...hypoxia during the birth...cerebral palsy...in the most common form the muscles are affected...I'm so sorry_

And finally the one sentence that shattered your heart to million pieces:  
_She's paralyzed from the waist down._

And you can't look at Mark either. Because you're sure his face would be more than you can handle. And you can't think about anything that's ahead of you. Because it is all just so surreal. So you bury your head into the pillow and have your two hours of being angry at the whole world, wishing you could just cry out your soul.

And then, after those two hours you get up, sniffle and move on to feeling bitter emptiness.

You walk into the NICU so your daughter isn't alone. But that wouldn't be the case because you find Mark sitting by her side, something he has most likely been doing for the past two hours. How can you deal with it now? You failed him too. He's done wrong to you through the years, but you've done so much more wrong to him. _Our baby is gonna be perfect._ No, you couldn't have even done that. You couldn't have given him a healthy daughter. You approach the crib from the side opposite him and you lightly brush the cheeks of Victoria's slumbering face. And then your eyes unwillingly find her legs and fill with tears. How did you not notice before? They look _so limp_. You can't imagine how you're gonna get through this. How you could possibly cope with such news. But you don't allow yourself to cry. And it's like your hand is magnetically drawn to touch Victoria's foot. You even tickle it but of course, the rational part of you knows what's gonna happen when you do so. Oh yes, _nothing_. And you must not forget that with cerebral palsy there is also the possibility of her being mentally challenged and... And your heart breaks. After standing there with Mark silently for like a minute you finally vocalize your thoughts. Your voice sounds too bitter when you say:  
"It's my punishment." _For everything. For everything I've done to you._

And that's when Mark looks up, his eyes meet yours and for some reason he looks pissed.

"Addison, how can you call our daughter a punishment?!"

You freeze at what he implies you were saying and for like three seconds remain looking at him, your mouth slightly open. And then you come back to your senses and _you_ are beyond pissed.

"You asshole!" you spin on your heel and walk out of the NICU before you burst into sobs. You think of going to the bathroom, but you know you won't even be able to look in the mirror and face yourself. Nor could you bear the thought of Callie picking you up the floor again or something like that. So you just return to your room, you cry and you're not able to fall asleep, not even for a short while. But as the hours of the night go by, your mind somehow clears. At first it's just full of pityful thinking about how this happened. The brainbleed, hypoxia probably, cerebral palsy. They were monitoring Victoria's vitals during the birth, they must have catched...they should have done...but you know Norman couldn't have possibly prevented it. Hell, Weston probably wouldn't. But your heart aches because you can only think about the fact that you would. If you had a patient like this, her baby wouldn't have cerebral palsy. And you wouldn't be heartbroken right now. You wouldn't walk out on your husband because you two simply aren't the kind of couple that can get through this. Derek and Meredith are. Jackson and April are. You and Mark...not so much. Hell, you two aren't the kind of _people _who can get through this. But it isn't like you have a choice and by the time the morning comes, you wipe your tears and tell yourself you can do this. For Victoria you will gather all the strenght you possibly can. You will fight and one day you will win. And then Callie comes and she pulls you into the tighest hug and says she's so sorry. And then _Callie, the orthopedic surgeon _says all the words you don't want to hear and that sound so surreal, but you know you have to be prepared for it all – the physical therapy, compensatory aids like wheelchair or specially adapted car, personal assistance probably...you simply can't see that far into the future, especially since the prospects aren't appealing at all. But then Callie says that there are surgeries that can make Victoria's symptoms better or possibly cure paraplegia. Those can only be done years later when all her muscles and bones are developed, but it gives you hope. And Amelia also comes, she brings you chocolate in an attempt to make you feel better, she assures you she will try everything she can to help Victoria and along with Derek and Callie they must come up with something. It feels like empty words but whatever. When she says with a smile that she's been to see Victoria and that she's so beautiful, you just pull her into a hug and smile too.

She doesn't tell you one thing though. Maybe she assumes you know or she just wants to stay out of the tension between you and your husband. When she walked into the NICU in the morning, she found Mark dozed off in the chair in the position that really didn't look comfortable and learned that he had been sitting by Victoria's side all night.

And no matter how much you want Mark to come and just hold you, you don't feel ready to talk to him and you really have no desire to do so.

###

You aren't working today. You don't go and see Addie all day though. It's not that you don't feel ashamed of yourself because you do. You feel like a total jerk, but walking out on each other is the story of your relationship after all. Also, there's one more thing. You don't visit her because what would you possibly say to make her feel better?

But you sat by Victoria's side all previous night. You told her that her daddy loves her, that no matter what, you can get through this together, that there are so many people who will help her and that she has to be strong for mommy because she has the best mommy in the world. Mommy loves her too but this is just very difficult on her. It's like your daughter gives you strenght. In the night when you sat by her side you somehow started believing that one day it's all going to be ok. That you and Addie can do this. And you told Victoria so much more. You were speaking all night, about everything and nothing and in the morning you stood up and called one of the real estate agents. The one with the house you had wanted to buy and the purchase was ready to proceed. You called him that you wanted to meet. Because really, you loved that house. It is new, with hardwood floor and amazing view and it is close to Derek's. But now as you think about it, you can only see that it's two-leveled, it has this complicated staircase, lots of embrasures and narrow spaces. In other words, nothing suitable for moving in a wheelchair. And the next day you meet with the agent in a café and he is smiling at you eagerly:  
"Good morning, Dr. Sloan. Why did you want to meet? Do you have any further questions about the house? Or shall we proceed with the transaction?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Carter, I know you withdrawn it from the market already, but the situation changed. I'm not interested anymore."

He seems bewildered.  
"May I ask why? I already told you, if you want, we can make some adjustments in the house," if he's angry, he hides it well. Like a true businessman.

_No, we can__'t._  
"I have a daughter with special needs," you realize your voice sounds almost proud.

"Oh, well..."

"Mr. Carter, thank you for your time."

Without any more words you turn around and go to the hospital.

...

In the hallway you run into Karev.

"Hey Sloan, I checked on your daughter a while ago. I have to talk to Norman or Weston or Shepherd or whoever is on the case, but I think we can discharge her from the NICU today."

"Wait, what?"

"She doesn't need to be in incubator anymore. You can take her home in a few days."

"Thank you Karev," you smile.

"We're gonna get the papers ready."

"Yeah, I'm gonna go get Vic and visit Addie."

He smirks and you head straight to the NICU.

"Hi princess. Guess what? We get to go home soon. Yeah, you've got the whole nursery ready and our friends got you plenty of toys...and daddy has to meet with some more people, but we're gonna find a perfect new house and move in soon, I promise," and it really feels like the easiest thing in the world when you hold your daughter in your arms. You cradle her close to your chest because it's really been too long since you held her like this. Shortly after she was born_. When she still had two functioning legs._ You have to close and open your eyes a few times to blink away the tears.

And then you take a deep breath before entering Addie's room, unsure of what you will face.

"Hi Red, Victoria here has been discharged from the NICU and I thought...we wanted to see you."

She smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. They look sad and distant. You sit down on the bed and hold Victoria the way Addie can easily take her from you. She doesn't though and she just strokes her hair, face and arms before moving her hand to touch Victoria's legs once again. Tears flash in her eyes and you say:  
"Addie, I'm so sorry. I'd give...anything to make it all okay."

She lets out a small sob:  
"Well, you can't."

And with that you put Victoria on the bed, grab Addie and pull her into a passionate kiss. Because you can't make it okay just like that but you can remind her how much loved she is and to do so, this is pretty much the only way you can think of. Because you don't know about many ways to numb the pain but you do know one. Because you need to feel Addie's lips on yours as if to make sure you are both alive and assure her you won't let this suck the flame you love so much about her out of her. And then she takes Victoria into her arms and you are kissing away all her tears.

* * *

_Ok, that was a start. I don't have many chapters left because I don't want to drag this fic out the way that it looses whatever magic it has left :D. But I don't want to rush things either and I hope I will find the right balance. I want my way of telling you the conclusion of Victoria's condition to be all sensitive, satisfying and medically accurate. And the same for Mark and Addie's relationship because this couple deserves the most amazing finale :).  
In the meantime please tell me what you think about this chapter._


	26. I will dream, I will pray

_I_'m sorry for late update, but school started in the meantime *frown*. Anyway, I have a few things to say about this chapter - it captures a wider range of time, shows us glipses of Victoria_'s life and so, because I didn_'t want to just throw in that Mark and Addison have a disabled daughter because it makes good drama. I really tried to show a little of what living with disability is like. The AU part for the sake of the story - Derek DID decide to take the job in Washington D.C. Also, I mention that Owen ended up with Teddy (who came back in the meantime), because the small part of me still hopes it might happen. One more thing - do you remember that Mark has one other speciality besides plastics? :D  
About the title - it_'s a lyric from _Mine Again by Black Lab and I wasn_'t too sure about using this one because neither Mark or Addison strike me as really religious. But than I remembered 7x18 Song Beneath the Song and the scene with Mark and Arizona sitting in the gallery. Arizona says: "Maybe we should say a prayer. Callie would want us to pray," and Mark replies: "I haven_'t stop praying since yesterday." And think_ with that I fell in love with him all over again. ;)_________

* * *

**I will dream, I will pray**

Life goes on. The world never stops turning. Victoria never starts toddling like other kids her age. But eventually you stop crying. It still hurts when you see children running around in the park, when you ocassionally treat cases of babies who remind you of your own daughter, when she asks why other kids are able to do this or that and she isn't and...it just still hurts. But the doctor in you and more importantly the loving mother who wants the best for her children just knows lamenting and whining won't get you anywhere. You live in this large spacious house Mark found mere two months after Victoria was born and the person who loves it the most is Henry because he has one entire room dedicated to his large track for toy cars and his other playthings. Victoria gets her first wheelchair when she's two and a half and it breaks your heart when she realizes that – unlike when she was in the stroller – if she spins the wheels she can move by herself, and she doesn't want to be pushed anymore. Of course, it never lasts long because spinning the wheels is quite demanding and her arms aren't that strong, but still...what is heartbreaking in a way is her desire for independence when all you wanna do is protect her from every threat in the world. You know every mother feels that way about her children, it's just that Victoria is so little. She's disabled...and vulnerable... She is the child you've longed for since like forever and she looks so much like you. You just can't help it, you are scared 95 % of all time. Those 5 are mostly moments when you are in Mark's arms because there is no place in this world that is more comfortable or where you feel more safe and secure. And Mark is...you think he might be the best father in the world. He drives Henry to his soccer practises twice a week. When he has a free weekend Sofia is always at your household or he goes somewhere with her. Often taking also Henry and Victoria and sometimes Zola, Bailey and well, Derek with him. Because uh, 5 kids are a lot to take care of. And you must not forget that there are also Jackson and April's daughter Cara, Alex and Jo's Chloe, Bailey's son Tuck or Owen and Teddy's Benjamin. In other words, this hospital's second generation is slowly blooming. That isn't to say you don't struggle...with a lot of things. Because you do and so do your friends in their own lives.

This particular example is from years ago, but it's when you told yourself that Derek is beyond reclaim. You and Mark were getting married and Derek rather crashed his car so he didn't have to attend the wedding. At least, it is one of favourite jokes amongst the doctors at GMH. But that's not the point.

_Derek isn't even out of the hospital bed yet and already he's making arrangements for his work in Washington D.C. He has decided to go there and spend some time working on the brain-mapping project for the president. And when you hear that, you nearly fly out of your skin._

"_Derek! What the hell are you doing?!"_

"_Addison, calm down! Now what is happening and why on Earth are you screaming? I'm a patient, you know."_

"_Derek... you are an asshole, you know. This...this what you are doing to Meredith...oh, for the sake of...you have two kids!" You are boiling with rage. And you know very well why._

_And he starts getting what you're talking about, but that doesn't mean his brainless head understands your motives._

"_Seriously, Addison? Talking to me about my marriage to Meredith? Do _you_ really wanna go_ there_?!"_

"_You know what? I _ really_ do! Because this is painfully familiar! You with your work and important career and all that bullshit! It is _painfully familiar_!"_

"_You...you DIDN'T just play that card! Because seriously if you wanna bring up OUR_ _marriage, let me tell you..."_

"_What, how your indifference threw me into the arms of your best friend?! ...Not that you should be complaining though. I'm not either, to be honest. But you and Meredith have two kids!"_

"_I'm very well aware of that, thanks! Now whatever is your problem, just stay the hell out of it and let us deal with it on our own!"_

"_My problem is that I can't! Because Meredith is freakin' my friend and I've been where she is and this, Derek, the way you are treating her...that's a load of crap!"_

"_You know, you are insane when you're pregnant! I've seen a lot of ridiculous things in my life, but you making this scene might have just trumped them all."_

"_You...you know?" You are caught off guard, because you kinda thought Derek was too self-obsessed to even notice your rounded stomach. But maybe you underestimated him. Or maybe Meredith just told him, though it's hard to imagine Meredith and Derek sitting at home and casually talking about _you_ out of all subjects._

"_Mark told me."_

Yeah, then it's all understood_, you think with a smirk and when you put your hand on your 4 months pregnant belly, Derek smiles genuingly and says:  
_"_Congratulations, Addie."_

"_Thanks. ...Oh, and that doesn't mean anything I just said is any less true!"_

_Oh how the years go by  
Oh how the love brings tears to my eyes  
All through the changes the sould never dies  
We fight, we laugh, we cry  
As the years go by_

_(Amy Grant - Oh How the Years Go By)_

Derek and Meredith fight some more about it, some more people give Derek a piece of their mind about the subject (you particularly enjoy hearing the one by Bailey) and with time it all sorts out somehow. But you don't really pay attention anymore, because you have bigger things to worry about. The little readheaded girl with eyes in which you can get lost so easily because they are exactly like Mark's. The girl who's development is slower at first, but by the time she's one and a half she catches up with her peers. Your daughter who is so amazing and you love her so much it brings tears into your eyes. The first time her thights weekly grasp your torso while you are holding her, you nearly cry with happiness, because that means she feels something at least in her upper legs and they aren't completely paralyzed. The same happens the first time she asks for a potty, because you have learned about the cases of paraplegia (and you have been studying about it A LOT for the past two years - much more than about any other medical condition ever) that have to wear diapers for their whole life.

Victoria goes to physical therapy twice a week and suddenly she's three, sitting in a wheelchair with colorfull seat and back, each wheel covered with a big picture of a puppy so she associates it with something good, and ready for preschool (well, a special preschool for disabled kids, because she needs particular spacial adaptations and also, sending her to the group of perfectly healthy kids who don't yet have the mental capacity to understand why the wheels are helping her move and why she isn't able to do something would be incredibly cruel).

Of course you knew it would have to come once, since both her parents are surgeons with quite demanding schedules, but it still breaks your heart and you feel like a horrible mother when you hire Victoria's first personal assistant – a nursing student Emma who drives her to preschool and back home and helps her with everything that is harder for her to do because of her disability. Plus at this age she's a nanny too.

She also takes care of Henry sometimes when you and Mark can't work out your schedules any other way. And when you look at Henry you are just amazed, because he is such a big boy already. And one day you find yourself standing in front of the elementary school building and you wave him with tears in your eyes as he goes inside. And the other day Mark's making a shelf in Henry's room so he has place for all his soccer diplomas and cups and Victoria comes and nudges you:  
"Mom, how do I look? I borrowed your headband. And can you paint my nails? It's Sofi's birthday tomorrow and I wanna be pretty!"

You have to laugh at your five year old daughter, but at the same time you feel like the proudest mother in the world.

###

From what you remember you always believed God exists somewhere, but you weren't much of a religious man. But that was before you had kids and before all those things happened to your loved ones – Callie and Sofia nearly dying in a car crash, Lexie actually dying in a plane crash, you almost biting the dust too...but thanks to the people around you and thanks to His grace finding the strenght to live on and realizing you still had so much more to live for. It was before Henry called you _dad _for the first time, you felt so proud and you knew you wanted to be there for this boy for as long as you could. It was before Addison accepted your proposal and told you she was pregnant and you felt like the luckiest man in the world. It was before you married the love of your life and realized that although you had both messed it up more than enough times, it was God's plan all along (it is a hard concept to grasp, with you commiting an adultery, betraying your brother and all that, which you still feel ashamed of – you know you should've done it differently...but Derek has forgiven you long ago and you like to believe God has too). It was before you had a daughter who's sick, but can't be more amazing and you remembered the words written in Bible: _As__k and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened._ And you did just that. Now everytime you pray you can thank Him that Victoria pulled through every surgery she's had so far, that despite her disability she's a happy child and she's totally great because when you first heard her say to Bailey (Bailey Shepherd, not Miranda Bailey – well, it still sounds weird to you):  
"You forgot something."

"What?"

"A smile," you only made sure you are the luckiest man in the world.

She's loved dogs for as long as she could remember and she keeps asking for one. It's in every Christmas wishlist and you'd happily give her everything in the world, but a dog...apart from things all the parents tell their kids like "It's time consuming, the dog would just have to be staying at home all day and it kind of defects the purpose, taking care of a dog is a big responsibility" and all that, there is also the fact that Victoria's disabled and she really shouldn't worry about taking care of a pet when she is the one who should be taken care of. But one day there suddenly comes an answer you've been waiting for.

Your other speciality otorinolaryngology doesn't usually provide many surgeries to work on, but this middle-aged man is a classic case of chronic sinusitis that has exhausted all options of medicamentous treatment. He comes for a FESS (functional endonasal surgery of sinuses) to remove nasal polyps, cysts and damaged mocous membrane. Pretty easy fix for you, but the point is that when his wife comes to visit him or when he calls with her and you are somewhere near, you hear things like:  
"Yeah Edna, don't worry. I'll be back for Tasha's exam next week. In the meantime, please just train all the commands with her some more, especially finding the place in the bus and also free bench in the park or something. Yeah, I'm glad Max and Sam are good...you were at the vet with Sam yesterday, right? That family seriously can't wait for him to pass the exams and come to them already...he'll be a perfect help for their son, what's his name? ...Okay, whatever. Bill's hopefully bringing the new badge of granules tommorow, please take them and pay him, okay? ...Fine, I gotta convince those doctors to operate on me already, so I'm home soon. ...Bye for now."

For one particular reason it really interests you.

"May I ask, are you...like a dog's trainer or something?"

"Yeah, training guide dogs, assistance dogs..."

"Sorry, assistance dogs?"

"You know, like dogs for people with bad balance, they help them walk. Usually large breeds like giant schnauzer or standard poodle. Then there are dogs who help people in wheelchairs. Breeds like these or bernese mountain dogs, retrievers..."

And it all gets even more interesting.

"And...how exactly do dogs help people in wheelchairs?"

"They go with them everywhere, like work, school or wherever else...you know, they bring their owners things, they help them remove their shoes or socks, transport safely, across the road and so, they help opening the door...and things like that. Why?"

"A dog can do all this?"

"Well yeah, a trained dog can. Again, why?"

You close the chart and sit on the chair next to his bed.

"Cos my daughter keeps asking for a dog, but I always dismiss it, you know, I don't think she could take care of a dog..."

"Hm, that's classic approach of a parent. But believe me, nothing and I mean nothing, will teach a kid responsibility better than taking care of a dog. Plus, it's a really great friend."

"My point is...my daughter is in a wheelchair. Do you...do you think an assistance dog could be a good option for her?"

"Oh... Well, that depends on many things. How old is your daughter?"

"A second grader. Well...eight. Is that...huh, you probably wouldn't give a dog to someone this young..."

"I don't have a problem with training a dog for a child. There would be some specifics, but I could do it...though like I said, there are many other things. Are you considering it for your daughter?"

"Well, I don't know, I just found out something like assistance dog exists. But it definitely sounds like a fair option," you suddenly slap your forehead, "But I have to talk to my wife first," you say uncertainly, "That could be a problem."

He just chuckles, takes a paper and a pencil and writes down his phone number.

You take the paper and just like that, he isn't just another patient to you, he's David Harlow, the dog's trainer who could give Victoria's life a whole new dimension. And when you come home that day you are smiling from ear to ear and Addie is very curious what you're so happy about.

"Later, I will tell you later," you reply everytime she asks and she even starts getting a little suspicious. But after she puts Victoria to sleep and is getting ready for bed herself, you start:  
"Addie, you know, the thing I said I would tell you later about..."

She rolls her eyes:  
"I'm not sure I wanna know, thanks."

Now if your eyebrows could fly up to the ceiling they certainly would.

"What do you think of me?! ...Whatever, I think I might have found an answer we've been waiting for...I just didn't wanna say that in front of Vicky. This could be a great surprise for her."

And you tell Addie everything. At first she looks at you like you are insane, uncertainly and disbelievingly, but later as you are lying in bed together, her fingers running across your chest and her hair shivering you on your neck, she speaks:  
"What you said about this...assistance dog thing...I think I'd like to find out more about it. Do you think you can call this Mr. Harlow to come meet us sometime, explain some more and maybe also bring one of the dogs he has in training with him? So we see how it really works or something?"

"Addie...so you're considering it?" you ask with a big smile.

"Well, I don't know, today I found out something like assistance dog exists," she laughs and you have to join her because of the striking resemblance this conversation has to the one you had with David.

And a few days later you two meet at the park with David, his wife Edna, golden retriever Sam and german shepherd Max and you feel like Addie is totally grilling them with her questions, but they are probably used to this kind of behavior. They are very friendly, they say that when they get a new puppy from breeding station for training, they will contact you and they would also like to meet Victoria, so they are sure an assistance dog is a good fit for her.

And a few weeks later David calls you, saying they have a perfect candidate – labrador retriever who could be a perfect companion for Victoria, and you tell your daughter:  
"Hey, Vic, I have a surprise for you. What about we go to the park together today at five and I will show you what it is?"

She seems a little bewildered, but shrugs and says:  
"Ok, why not?"

The hour comes, you enter the park pushing your daughter and see your new acquaintances are there already. In the middle of a big grass field, with a big black retriever running around them.

"Edna, David...you said a puppy!"

"Good evening, Mark. Well...ok, not exactly a puppy, but he's just 5 months old. Retrievers at this age grow very quickly," Edna ties the dog on a collar and they come closer to you and your daughter, "...And you must be Victoria. I'm Edna Harlow and this is my husband David. We are training special dogs for people with disabilities. And this is...well, this could be your new doggy."

Victoria's eyes light up and she immediatelly starts stroking the dog's head.

"Oh, yes!"

_It's a different world I see_

_When it's just my dog and me_

_(John Hiatt – My Dog and Me)_

* * *

_I'm not sure how much you know about assistance dogs (or the fact that they exist because for example in our country nobody does :p). But they do exist, I i__n fact __have one myself ;). The other type - the one that supports me while walking, because I_'ve been through a traffic accident few years ago and I have problems with balance. I imagine Victoria_'s new dog looking just like my Chris, if you wanna see him, follow the link on my profile ;).___

___And just so you know - the next chapter is the final one. I feel I said everything I wanted and it_'s time to wrap up this story.____


	27. I'm so damn glad that we made it

__People...the last chapter. I mean, I don_'t even know how to feel. But I think _I will talk about it (a LOT) in the AN at the very end. Right now just know that the title is the lyric from Something I Need by One Republic and I wish you very good reading.__

* * *

**I'm so damn glad that we made it**

Your life is a hell of a journey really and this situation it isn't any different. As Addie sees the black retriever that is just _too big_, she nearly flies out of her skin. Truthfully, the dog is scary at the first sight.

"This...huge...black...," she's really at loss of words, "...at our house?"

"It's okay Addie, it's okay...," you put on your best reassuring voice though inwardly you are grinning from ear to ear, "He's here just for the weekend...so Vicky and well...us...can get to know him. He masters the basic commands, basic hygienic habits..." you chuckle because you can totally see Addie throwing the dog out of the door with both you and Vicky close behind if he dared to pee on anything.  
"He hasn't started his special training yet, but now they know the particular client, they can teach him everything Vicky needs."

"Seriously? You trust _this dog_ in taking care of our daughter?!"

"Addie! Harlows already explained how it works, didn't they? He wouldn't exactly be _taking care_ of her, just easing all those everyday struggles. You know, so she doesn't need to always have an adult behind her back. Now tell me that was pleasant to you when you were a child."

And surprisingly enough Addie bursts into laughing.

"Says her overprotective dad who watches her like...," you raise your eyebrows and then you both burst into the new round of laughing at the absurdity of the situation, "Like dog."

And it goes like this. There's quite a handful of byrocracy with the social services after which the assistance dog for Victoria is finally granted. First half a year your new black four-legged friend is in training but almost always comes to spend the weekend at your house so they get used to each other with Victoria. By the time he comes for the second time, Victoria figures the perfect name for him. Because she's recently been obsessed with the book series that is like a must-read for every child and there's just no name for a big, black haired dog better than _Padfoot_. He later passes his exams, he moves into your house permanently and somewhere along the way Addie stops being scared of him. He really gives an impression of a dangerous predator, but he's mostly just lazily lying down, loves to be stroked and always happily swings his tail whoever comes home. But what makes him the happiest is the presence of Victoria. All her friends and classmates just love him and you sometimes wonder how does he even get to help her when everybody always wants to play with him. Your daughter's attitude amazes you, though. She never fails to firmly inform everybody that they aren't allowed to feed Padfoot nor distract him when he's working. Once they safely get to their destination and he helps her with everything she needs, people can play with him all they want. But nobody would fail to guess who Padfoot belongs to.

He falls asleep by Victoria's bed every night but likes to move around the house and visit a few places during the night time, as to check on everything and everybody. It's one of the times he comes to your and Addie's bedroom, lies by the bottom of your bed and half-awake Addie leans closer to your chest and says:  
"Mark, we're so lucky."

"We definitely are."

"I love you...and Vicky...and Padfoot."

And her grinning face and twinkling eyes may be the prettiest thing you have ever seen.

...

With Victoria you also learned a lot about fairytales. Well, she absolutely adores them and loves to watch almost all of them repeatedly till nobody is interested anymore. You don't mind though. There is something symbolic about it. You've always said Victoria is your princess and with time you realized your life has pretty much turned into the fairytale. You have so much to be thankful for. And you really feel like the fairytale king because with your three amazing daughters there's no doubt you really are one. Although in a very unconventional fairytale because you have each daughter with a different queen. You recently learned that your oldest daughter Sloane has got married and is working as a manager in the organization that protects the enviroment. Sofia totally kicks ass at school plus she's recently taken up ballroom dancing classes and she's great at that as well. And she vividly dreams of becoming an orthopedic surgeon like her mom. And Victoria...well, everybody knows how much you love her and how proud of her you are because you never fail to express it. Victoria loves drawing and you like to believe she's taken the creative gene after you, because hey, you make people pretty for a living!

But then you remember you also have a son. Son who's totally their knight and whom you love to bits, at his basketball games always shouting more than the other dads. Yup, Henry plays basketball now. He's really tall, taller that you and you are even feeling a little uncomfortable when you go somewhere together and he's walking beside you. But you can get over that. And even though you fight with Addie, you annoy each other, she loves to bitch about you to Callie or whoever else avaiable and you sometimes grumble to Derek (or Owen, because occasionally the thought crosses your mind that Derek was once married to Addison and it always makes you feel weird), you know you love your redheaded queen more than anything.

...

And you don't feel guilty for speaking about Addison at Lexie's grave anymore. In fact, you haven't felt guilty about that for years. You remember visiting the graveyard all those years ago, announcing:

"I have a beautiful daughter," before bursting into sobs. You confided in Lexie, you pleaded with her to ask Lord she's now with to give you the strenght to do this because you needed to be strong for your girls. And you always were on the outside, even though sometimes you were falling apart inside. Through the years you sometimes came, told Lexie things that were bothering you and returned a little less burdened with them. And you also sometimes came and told Lexie the things you felt happy about. Because there are moments when you feel like the happiest man on the Earth and you just want to share them with this special person. You tell her how Vic said the word _Dad_ for the first time and how amazing it felt, you tell her that you celebrated your five years wedding anniversary with Addie and you can't believe you are so lucky, you always tell her to say hello to O'Malley, for her birthday you always bring her a huge buquet of flowers and feel sad she isn't there for another year, because she should've lived long and full life, be an amazing surgeon and eventually take over Derek as the head of neuro. She should've...and at that point you can't be sure how things would turn out and you can't say that you two should've been together forever. Because she would deserve to find somebody who'd love her just as much as you love Addie. And you can't imagine things in your life being any different from what they are now.

And then one day when Victoria is 10 years old it's All Saint's Day and Addie is working. Your daughter knows that today is the day people go to graveyards to honor their loved ones and you tell her you are going to visit Lexie (you almost say _aunt Lexie_, but stop soon enough because it would just feel wrong) and that you'd very much like her to go with you. Victoria recalls Meredith had a sister named Lexie and she also knows you go visit her grave from time to time. And she replies:  
"Ok, sure."

And then you are once again met with the words _Lexie Grey (1982-2012) _and the thought of Lexie seeing you now is heartbreaking because you are pushing the wheelchair with the little girl who looks so much like Addison. But you also know that if Lexie sees you, she's proud of you. And then your cheeks are wet with tears and you say:  
"Hello, Lex. I'd like you to meet someone," you let out a small sob, "This is Victoria. I...told you about her."

You light up a candle, Vicky puts the flowers into the vase on the grave and arranges them the way they look nice. And then she asks:  
"Daddy? Sorry, I...who is Lexie?"

And you hear yourself saying:  
"Lexie is...Lexie is daddy's friend."

Because it's true. For years Lexie's been your best friend, the one you've been telling everything to. And it's somehow perfectly okay.

###

_guest star narration :D - Henry's POV:_

Ok, you don't know what's wrong with all your parents. It's like they expect Tuck to make a pass at Zola, you to get together with Cara, Benjamin with Chloe or something. In fact, they did since you were all little. But honestly – you grew up together, you are all like brothers and sisters and yeah, Cara is pretty, but you don't find her hot. The reason enough for you being the fact that she's got red hair like aunt April and it totally reminds you of your actual sister. And if the members of your little unit started getting together in some way, your family tree would really be the most complicated ever. But even though it was a bizzare image at first, you recently found one potential couple among you all. Bailey is your best bud and you tease him about that all the time, because honestly, the way he often carries Vicky on his back, the way she sometimes sits in his lap and the way they laugh together...oh, it all just makes you want to either laugh too or vomit. Your annoying (well, you find her pretty annoying) older sister Sofia always squeals how cute it is that Bailey throws Padfoot a ball, the dog runs after it, he brings it to Vicky instead of back to Bailey, she teases him that Padfoot knows who his master or well, mistress, is and he starts nudging her playfully or something. But you just think it's nauseating. And well, one day you ask your father:

"Dad? You were...I mean, you were always the guy who got the hottest girl, right? I mean, obviously since you have mom..."

"Henry!" he looks at you as if he was shocked at what you are implying, "I don't think I just heard you correctly! Now this is just...you think mom is hot?"

"You don't?" you smirk at him, raising your eyebrows before continuing, "But you didn't let me get to the point. What I wanted...you know some good tricks to get the girls, right? I mean, there's this girl...Bailey's classmate Lucy. I'm having a date with her on Friday and I could use some help."

Mark just laughs, sits with you and gives you some really good advice on what you should and shouldn't do.

###

_Victoria's POV:_

You and Bailey sometimes find it hilarious and sometimes get really sick of your friends and siblings always teasing you about how wedding bells are ringing and all that crap and asking how come you aren't together yet or whether you secretly are or other things like that. True, he's been your best friend for years, he's helping you whenever you need something and he's a great boy, but what you two have isn't love. True, you have kissed once – you're sure he's had many girls before you, but for you it was the first kiss ever – but then just looked at each other and shrugged: "Okay, let's forget this." And when you think about the fact that your mother was once married to Bailey's father, it just makes the whole situation look even more grotesque.

...

You date one guy who is great at first but then you realize he doesn't really understand the implications of your health condition, then there's one who totally wants you but you don't really want him and then you are twenty two and that summer in the spa you meet Peter and you're suddenly dreaming of the white dress and everything. Peter is in the spa because he has been through a car crash, but made almost miraculous recovery, nowadays just limping a little. He makes you laugh, he makes you blush, he makes you happy, one evening he kisses you and when he's leaving the spa he asks for your number and adress, promising he's gonna call you and visit. And a week later you are leaving the spa too, assuming you have to let go of your dreams. Because really, it was just a summer romance. And it's over. But Peter really calls and later visits you. And suddenly you two are kissing again. Then he invites you over, he visits again and again, you visit him and suddenly one evening you two are making love. And you become a couple, later he suggests you move in together and you know you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Time is passing and one day you ask your mother:  
"Mom? You were once married to uncle Derek, right? Why did you two...I mean, what went wrong? And how did you...end up with dad?"

And you really need some wisdom, because you know Peter's got a ring for you and you want this more than anything, but you are scared of messing it up.

And your mom takes a breath and starts:

_The first time I got married, I mean, I had this very large fairytale wedding with the music, and the flowers and the dress. I was young and marrying the guy that everyone said was the perfect man. And he was. Derek was perfect. Turns out he just wasn't perfect for me and even though I made my fair share of mistakes, he definitely wasn't innocent. I was really angry at him for messing up my fairytale. And for taking my thirties and for being happy with someone else and for making me feel like a failure. And it took me a really long time to get over that and I made a lot of mistakes with a lot of men trying to get over that. Your dad...actually at first...being one of them. But then slowly, over time, everything changes..._

###

_Back to Mark's POV:_

And then one day Callie pulls out one of her miracle surgeries and Padfoot, who's older now, can enjoy his well-earned retirement. Because after Callie operates on Victoria, she never has to sit back down on the wheelchair again. And there have been a lot of moments in your life when you felt like the happiest man in the world and the proudest father, but what trumps them all is the moment when you_ walk_ your daughter down the aisle and give her away to Peter Harris.

###

_You're not some young thing anymore and you no longer believe in fairytales and perfect isn't in your vocabulary._

Victoria's wedding_ is_ perfect though. And when you see your daughter in white dress, you feel old. Over time you also start dying your hair. If not for any other reason, then because you probably couldn't swallow if Mark one day called you _Grey_ instead of _Red_. And truthfully – you are old. But it's okay, because everything turned out just the way it was supposed to. **Your life isn't perfect. But one day you realize it's pretty damn close.**

_And suddenly here's this man. And he becomes so familiar to you that one day you find yourself looking at him thinking "I could love this person for the rest of my life if I tried. And I wanna try. Happy wedding day Victoria. We love you."_

###

You don't know where's this thought coming from and you are aware of the fact that it's pretty pathetic, but one night as you are lying in bed, your now much more wrinkled hands embracing Addie's body that's still incredibly beautiful, you say:

"I think I loved you since I first saw you."

_I can barely recall  
__But it's all coming back to me now_

_(Celine Dion - It's all coming back to me now)_

"_Hi guys!"_

"_Hello loser!" you college buds Weiss and Sam give you the typical greeting and since you haven't seen each other for most part of the holiday, you ask:_

"_What's up?"_

"_Huh, nothing interesting with me, but I heard otherwise about Derek. Apparently the guy's really getting some these days," Sam chuckles, "Rumor has it he's met a really hot girl in Connecticut."_

"_Actually, I heard it's pretty serious," Weiss joins in, "He talks about her like she's the sun."_

_Derek hasn't previously gotten much of a game really. He always dates girls who are nice, sweet, but not at all hot and really not the types to be serious with._

_You chuckle:  
Well, I'm really looking forward to seeing that! I bet it's quite a rumor!"_

_..._

_But the next day you see Derek with the redhead who might be the prettiest girl you have ever seen. You get somehow week in the knees when she smiles and since you are barely out of being a horny teenager, your jeans get a little tighter, particularly around your crotch. And you feel pretty shallow because of that, cos really, there_'s one much more important feeling - the warmth in your chest...around your heart. You wonder w_ho this __boy __is__ and what has he done to Mark Sloan. And finally, you are forced to admit you just lost. _

"_Huh, how much did we bet?" Weiss asks mockingly._

_You're my end and my beginning  
__Even when I lose I'm winning_

_(John Legend – All of Me)_

_But you win something else. Because though you won't find out until like eighteen years later, this is the start of the most beautiful thing in your life. You are enchanted and not only by her looks. _

_"Hi...Red. I'm Mark."_

_"Addison," she says sternly._

_"Nice to meet you. Oh, and I didn_'t mean...just for the record, your red hair is beautiful. Suits you. I was just kinda stunned, my bad," and your cocky smirk is back but you know it_'s somehow changed. At first she rolls her eyes but then s__he starts talking to you and you_'re enchanted some more._ By her personality, her intelligence, the way she curls her hair around her finger, the way she keeps her glasses on her nose...you know it's wrong because Derek is your best friend, but there's something about this girl making you imagine proposing to her, marrying her, having one son and one daughter with her, growing old with her. Not just kissing her or having sex like you've probably imagined with every pretty girl you've ever seen._

_I've been looking at you  
__For a long, long time  
__Just trying to break through,  
__Trying to make you mine_

_(James Blunt – Bonfire Heart)_

_But Derek got to this girl first. It's the hardest thing to do, but you somehow bury your feelings and they won't come to light until eleven years later. And even then you will both make many mistakes and it will take almost seven more years until you finally get it right. But you will never forget one thing. As you see this girl – as you and this girl see each other – something in the world changes._

_People like us—we don't  
__Need that much  
__Just someone that starts,  
__Starts the spark in our bonfire hearts_

_(James Blunt – Bonfire Heart)_

_And something deep inside you knows that one day she'll be yours. And it knows you will both screw up many times because that's just who you are. But it also knows that this girl is the one and whatever happens you will always just come back to promising: __**You'll be mine again.**_

* * *

_I can't believe it_'s really over...I had such a good time working on this fic and I_'m dying to read your opinions right now! What was good about this story (the MADDISON, obviously! ;)) and what you didn_'t like. When you said to yourself "Oh, this doesn_'t really fit the character," "This is too much," "This is cheesy," "This feels rushed," and all other stuff you can come up with. I wanna know, because I wanna improve my FF writing, so I_'m proud of my work and you can really enjoy it (also) in the future. Although, right now as I see the whole story, I must immodestly say I love it and I love how it played out. It makes me pretty happy. Also, you can tell me if you have any questions, favorite chapters, moments etc., what more did you want to see happen, what more would you like to read from me (topic, characters, couple for the next fic etc.), how you ____________are____________, what nice has happened to you today, which good movie have you seen recently or which book to you recommend reading, how did you like 11x04 of GA (Only Mama Knows), because I personally think it was AMAZING and just like _'good old Greys_' and it answered the questions viewers have been asking for years. :))) And of course, whether you liked this chapter and those particular moments I put in it. Because I have many favorite parts of this chapter and many of them which I consider meaningful, but let me just mention one: _______"Your life isn't perfect. But one day you realize it's pretty damn close." - because it points to the very start of this fic. If you had problems realizing why it was in bold. :)_

_Oh, and I know 27 isn___'t very rounded number, but the chapters just turned out like this...it wouldn___'t be right to write any more or less of them.___ And I have to say it___'s kinda symbolic for me, because season 2 of GA also had 27 episodes. And I still consider season 2 my favorite and the best of all seasons._______


	28. Addition: You'll be mine again

Yeah, I know... I'm still not over this fanfic xD. And as you may remember, it were fanvideos about Mark &amp; Addison that once played an important role in getting me into writing FF in the first place. On my profile you can find a link to the video made to the song Mine Again by Black Lab and this time it actually MATCHES this fanfic's storyline! Of course, it's not professional work and really not anything groundbreaking, but I'm still proud of it. xD I think it's worth checking out, I will be really glad if you do so and share your opinion. See you ;)


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